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I tried to stop checking. I really did. Told myself, “what will it change if you know?” But I couldn’t stop myself. First I noticed he’s turning his phone off on the way home form work. He had a big chunk of missing time tonight and came home drunk. I checked the phone statement to see if there were any new numbers. Not really, but he’s been texting somebody like crazy all of the sudden. It’s a weird number. 111-444-0601. Probably somebody he met on one of the sex sites. He’s so out of control with those. Oh God the money!! He’s also been staying up way late when he has to be up at 4:30 in the morning. Some of those text messages came in after midnight I could see from the phone bill. So I stayed away until he came to bed and fell asleep. I thought maybe whoever it is will text again. No. But he forgot to erase one. “Hey I love you very much. Please for give me. You are mad at me. I am sorry but I do love you and that a bad thing. you are one beautiful woman. I want to make love to you and I am sorry that I feel that way but you are a sexy woman. please for give me. Hey you mad at me I love you sexy. You don’t love me anymore.”
What is the shaking all about? I’ve felt it before, but man, it was uncontrollable. Why did I start to shake? So, I know he is incapable of loving anyone and its not like I’m being replaced for some young and beautiful model. He is fat, toothless and stupid. It’s a miracle that I’ve stayed as long as I have. If I had a career and money I would have been gone long ago. I don’t know what to feel. But Im not crying. That is a really good sign. and just since I started typing this, I feel better. Tired. Part of me wants to text that number and say something to her, part of me wants to act like nothing happened and just let him keep it up. Im dying to know what he did to piss her off. There was a woman he met when he was in rehab – I think I posted this story in an earlier post – anyway, I ran into her one day at Target. She told me that he had been contacting her recently (last October) and showing up unannounced and was saying the most inappropriate things, disgusting things to her about why doesn’t she come out to where he was working in Palm Desert and let him go down on her, yada yada yada…. I was so shocked. (why?). Anyway, I bet he has turned into a huge stocker/pervert or something. This is one very sick man. Scary sick!! By the way, he put a knife to my throat tonight. It was just a butter knife, but I was sitting here at my computer and it faces the wall. He just came up behind me – he was asking me about breakfast in the morning and the next thing I feel is cold steel on my neck. Scared the shit out of me because he’s so wierd lately and he’s so abusive when he’s drunk. You know how alcohol takes away the inhibitions. Maybe thats how he really feels. If I were dead, he’d have everything. Maybe he’s been trying to get me to leave so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy. Who knows.Meem, leave now, it does not matter you don’t have money or career, go to a shelter, and start there at something, at somewhere, your life is too precious to waste one single minute on or with this psycho creature.
“By the way, he put a (butter) knife to my throat tonight”. GET THE HELL OUT NOW! Meem, are you kidding? You tell us all this shit he’s been doing, then end with THE important line? GO NOW. DON’T LOOK BACK. If there is money, you will get half of it in divorce. You need protection. He’s got you at such a low self-esteem level. You are a battered woman. GET OUT! Go to a shelter. Where are you? Sounds like you’re east of Los Angeles? Let us find you a shelter. This is way beyond sex addiction and alcohol. This is physical abuse. He could kill you. You are mixed up in very heavy stuff here. GET OUT! Let us help you.
I’m new so I cant offer much in the way of advice but I can tell you I’ve been there, ooohhhhh have I been there. Years ago my husband did the same thing. I started noticing he was taking his phone with him even to the bathroom. He wouldnt part with it. Then when he fell asleep a text came in and by this point I was fed up. Who the hell is texting him so much?! So, I grabbed his phone and read a whole long thread of texts from a woman he worked with. He said he loved her, she said she wanted to have sex with him, it was like they were texting all day long everyday. Even while I was reading the texts she text again so, I did like you said you wanted to, I responded to her text and told her it was over to stop texting ‘me’ that I love my wife and she means nothing. Well, she knew it was not him and text back and said really mean things like, “how does it feel to have been with your husband for so long but the one he loves is me?” I wrote back ‘lol’ and then woke my H up and went off crying and asking him what was going on. I thought he was just having an affair, I had no idea about the SA at that point. Long story short, my point is I DID text the woman and it made me feel worse not better. I even think it made me look weak but I was caught up in the moment, she text while i had the phone in my hand, I had no time to think it through. lol. Anyways, I am sorry you had to see those texts, I am sorry that they exist – it hurts like hell – I know that pain.
Meem,
I have to agree with the sister- get out now. What did he say about the knife to the throat? Did he try to laugh it off like a joke? Whether he did or not, he is really messed up. Get out.I know you are hurting and it is so hard. I am so sorry for what you are going through. You deserve so much better.
Meem,
What would you tell a sister or a friend if you read your story as hers? That is what you need to do. You’re worth so much more than what you are choosing to accept. This AH has beaten you down so low your willing to live this way? Please know that ANYTHING would be better than this. Please get help and make an escape plan. You’re a precious woman and get people to help you leave this guy. Get and use all the resources you can find. Please don’t ‘settle’ anymore. There is a whole life ‘out there’ for you to live and enjoy.
Love, NapxoDear Meem, Please get away from this man now. Whatever frightens you about leaving, I can promise, is a thousand times better than where you are now!
He is dangerous–emotionally to you for certain, and possibly physically. I am so sorry for your pain and the crappy position you are in, but I know from experience that the minute you put some real distance between you, you will begin to feel much better.
Hugs to you!“By the way”, the next time he picks up that knife, he might just slash your throat. Then dump your body in the desert where no one will ever find it.
Oh, and Meem, he probably DOES want you dead. And it doesn’t make a fucking difference who leaves first, the goal is to leave ALIVE.
I agree with the sisters.
Here’s a national link for help: http://www.thehotline.org/
1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
Meem, get a grip. Who cares who that psycho texts when he is holding a knife to your neck over whats for breakfast. At least get yourself to an abuse counsellor and tell them what is going on. Your priorities are all wrong. Is your daughter back home yet? Can you call her or go to her? Karen xx
It’s still not too late to call the police and report it while he’s home. Explain the delay in calling if you must by telling them you were in shock that he had done it. Call 911 from your house phone and say nothing if you can’t speak or he might get mad. The police will come. 911 lines are recorded and courts pull tapes all the time to use them against a suspect at trial. Get him to say something about putting the knife to your throat earlier while the police are on their way.
It’s all about having the advantage. Self incrimination on a taped line is the best justice.
You cannot take this lightly. Fuck him if he was “only joking”.
Who the fuck jokes like that?? I’m really worried for you.
I’ve arrested these shits for family violence. Trust me, they deserve to go to jail and all the fallout that occurs afterward.
This is your ticket out!! Take it!!!
Meem, I had to read your post twice it was just so unbelievable. I then went back over old posts and realised just what a horrible situation you are in. I agree with the other sisters. You must take this seriously and get out of that house. Catherine xox
I am echoing same – please this is not about him or how he will feel it is about you and how you need to feel – safe!!!
I agree with one of the other sisters Meem. Involve the police. This incident will be on record too. Sorry you are faced with this, it’s so tough and emotionally draining.
You guys, I’m so sorry I’m only just now reading your replies. My pattern seems to be that I post when things are worst and then when things lighten up and I don’t feel as bad, I start doing other things. Obviously things are bad again. But this time he is living away from the house so I’m alone all week, which is scary and nice at the same time. Weird that it feels less lonely when you’re completely alone than when you’re with your SA. But thank you for your concerns and advice. I know you are all right, but it still boils down to not being willing to lose my lifestyle. He is in control until I can make my own way. When that days comes, he will see a very different woman standing here. The woman I was when we met. He was the one without a job when I met him. I was a paralegal temping for the Beverly Hills Bar Association. I was working for a firm called Jaffe and Clemens on Camden. I was doing pretty darned good too. $25.00 an hour as a temp and J&C wanted to keep me permanently. Why the hell didn’t I do it? now I have this giant gap in my resume and all the jobs in Riverside are 10.00 an hour. TEN!!! You should see the ads for these jobs. They want a BA, at least 5 years experience and a paralegal cert from an ABA accredited institution. I acutally responded to one of those ads saying, “Is this a joke? You guys are a riot!!” So I was going to UC Riverside to get that ABA paralegal cert until Mike lost his job last May. I finished the two classes I was enrolled in and didn’t take anymore. I have to pay cash for them and we couldn’t afford it. This keeps happening every year. Feast and fammine. I gotta get the bills paid off and try to save my home and credit. Then I can do this myself!! Especially when my daughter comes becase she can help me. I can’t wait!!!
I know you don’t probably want to, but you could get student loans and displaced homemaker grants to go to school full time and live very modestly. The court will make him pay bills and such, especially if you can show that you will be self-supporting eventually. Go to the school’s financial aid office and see how fast you can get this done. But in the meantime, please please go to a shelter or to family/friends for your safety!
meem, I would have taken that job for $10/hr and go back to school and work hard until I get myself back on track
Sweetheart, please forgive me but “but it still boils down to not being willing to lose my lifestyle”–what lifestyle is that? The one where some piece of shit man is holding butter knifes up to your neck and telling whores he wants to perform oral sex on them and that he loves them?
Meem, you are worth more than that. I dont care if he is Bill Fucking Gates–no amount of money is worth that! You would be happier on your own, of that I have no doubt. I am sorry that you are afraid to leave. Sending you hugs and wishes for strength and clarity. xoxoI had already cut that exact line to paste and comment on when I saw Bonnie had beaten me to it. Seriously, what kind of lifestyle is that? I’d rather live in a cardboard box. So if it is the money, house, etc. that you can’t give up, at least give up checking/policing him or giving a half-shit what he’s up to.
Meem, if I recall, aren’t you living in YOUR house – didn’t he move in with you when you got together? Change the locks and kick his toothless hillbilly ass to the curb.
Wow…I just don’t know what to say but Meem, you are in some serious denial. You don’t want to give up your fucking lifestyle? What about your fucking life? Because that is what you are going to do – your life is at stake here – last time it was a butter knife but next time it might be a butcher knife. I’m so sorry for you but please do something for youself – call a Domestic Abuse Hotline…please please if you can’t do it for yourself, do it for your daughters’ sake. They will help you better than we can here. That’s not to say we aren’t here to support you but I think most of us are out of our elements here – you need the support of people close by and who know exactly how to handle this.
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