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This was a big moment for me. The first person in my family that I told; my first acknowledgement that my marriage is over. It went well. Better than I hoped. I told her about the emotional distance with both me and the kids and as the conversation progressed, I told her that he had been unfaithful but didn’t go into detail beyond that. She was shocked to her core and angry but very supportive. She said if trust is broken there’s no marriage. She also said she had felt me distancing myself and now she knows why. She immediately understood the impact this has had on the kids and kept saying how knowing this makes many things more clear. I feel like a ton of weight has fallen off my shoulders.
You are awesome! I know exactly how you felt before telling her and after. The not knowing how they will react is very troubling. But then the feeling of relief when you realize they have understanding and compassion for you is absolutely jubilant. I’m so very proud of you. It’s one of the hardest things to do. Congrats girlfriend. You rock. 🙂
Well done, Daisy
You may remember when I finally told my mother. It was a relief. I had felt like I was not being “real” and I hated that I was hiding. I hated that he put me in that position. I have benefited from telling her. She’s 92, and doesn’t understand everything that went on (neither do I!), but gets the gist of it and has chosen to support me. Before this, she had been quite hard on me–very critical and nasty sometimes. I’m glad I gave her a chance to be my mother when it mattered, and for her to rise to the occasion.
You will sleep better.
hugs,
Diane.I’m so proud of you Daisy. I know that wasn’t easy but it was necessary. I’m glad your mom was supportive.
ILY and I hope your having a good time…. Cheers 🙂
Daisy, that is awesome! What a relief that must be for you. I’m so glad your mom was supportive. Wow.
I’m proud of you, too! That took a lot of courage and is another step closer to freedom from his secrecy and lies. Yeah!!!!
I’m actually envious Daisy. What I wouldn’t give to have my Mom to tell this entire mess to. She was the best mom ever! I am so happy you told yours and that she gave you the support you need. Enjoy every moment you have with her. I’m happy for you. It has to be such a relief.
My God Daisy. That is HUGE! So glad she acted like a mother should. This is a very big step Daisy. And a big part of healing IMHO. Why should we be the keepers of their filthy secrets. Secrets like that drag you down with them.
Daisy,
I’m so happy telling your mom went so well and you feel relief. You’re such an awesome sister Daisy.
Love you, NapYes Daisy- a great gift – I so wish. like Trish, I could have told my mother – I feel real sadness at how harshly i judged her for my father and wish I could have made amends for that – she would have loved me though it all, instead I have my sister who has been incredible. Your mother is here for you Daisy – we all need to be mothered – thank you for sharing xo
So good that you were able to share the truth with your Mom. And that she she was there for you. Lately that movie title, Waiting to Exhale, has been coming to me and I was thinking about how long I have held my breath. And what that feels like. That was a big step and I hope that you breathe a little easier now.
Good for you, Daisy! I think every time we tell someone about this whole weirdness, it helps us feel more real, and it makes a crack in that tendency to isolate. You done good, sistah! xoxo
Daisy,
I’m so glad to hear that your mother reacted so well- sounds like just what you needed. Everything you are doing and going through right now is showing movement towards healing for you and your kids. The shock is wearing off, and it sounds like you are starting the long process of rebuilding- helping your son to heal, connections to family, a new job, a new life. So proud of you, Daisy.As usual, you are all so kind and so good for my heart. I have to admit though, I had a huge anxiety backlash last night. My heart was pounding, couldn’t breath, etc. In telling my mom it all became REAL again, all the pain and sorrow and even guilt about the collateral damage to our families. All that stuff I thought I was moving past was back with a vengence. So today I’m going to take our advice to new and struggling sisters and just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward one step at a time. Today the girls and I are moving from my moms inland place to a place on Siesta Key. There’s going to be some much needed beach walking in my future.
Daisy, I was also thinking the whole weekend if I should tell my mom about what he did. Then I called her yesterday as I’m no functional these days and really needed some distraction for the kids. I told her everything! I mean everything! And I cried and cried and she listened. I’m so glad that I did. That’s what are moms for right?
Daisy, it is such a brave thing to be self-disclosing even though it makes the reality that much more real and can lead to that “vulnerability hangover” that Brene Brown talks about. Don’t know if you’ve seen this, but, in my opinion, it is definitely worth the time:
You are so brave, Daisy! All that adrenaline in the system when you anticipate things is tough to get over. And a move, too? No wonder you’re feeling a little slow. Another major hurdle overcome and another person who understands and appreciates exactly what you are overcoming. Happy you have you Mom to turn to.
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