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well i did it i went for part 1 of my std testing,had my pap today. i go back july 5th for blood and urine tests. after asking many questions about my history,wanted to know how many people ive had sexual contact with. ive been with 2 men in 27 years. but ive also been with every person hes been with and the ones they have been with, i never looked at it that way. they asked about my partner at that point they said extreme high risk. my research on strip clubs here made what they said mild. the results will take up to three weeks. i went to the local health dept. gave my real name and his. i am so fed up with this big fucking lie i live his lie not mine anymore. im glad im doing this, i have put it off for months. why becauce i feel so unclean, used, dead. so now i wait……….
Good for you katt. You have nothing to feel ashamed about, but I do get the unclean part. I remember when I got the genital warts from Larry. I was actually ready to take a knife and cut them all out. I felt as if I had the filth from every hooker he had ever had sex with coursing through my body.
You will be so relieved when you get the results and I do hope you are clean, but even if you do have an STD at least that dark fear won’t be lurking over you day and night.
Good job! You are getting stronger by the minute.
Good for you, Katt! I was so mortified to get testing done, and so relieved when I finally did it. At the very least, even before I knew results, I felt empowered. I hope the same is true for you!
Love, ZGjoann i am repulsed by him, i cant even look at him and see what i believed him to be. so im not sure if im getting stronger or trying to rid myself of him.
zumbagirl thank you i just need to know where im at in all this crap. for me i have a need to control something at this point. i hope someone was looking out for me, but with his choices………………..Good for you Katt. I hope it all comes out okay for you. It takes a lot of courage to do. Stay strong sister!!!
NapxxooI admire your courage Katt… hang in there. And just so you know… my experience is that SAs almost always believe that no matter who they are with or how unsafe they are playing that they are squeaky clean and free of disease and will proudly pronounce such in their ads as if they really know. They will say that they are tested faithfully twice a year. Bull shit and total crap. They could’ve picked up something yesterday! Predator actually told me– REPEATEDLY:
“Lexie, I’m CMV negative… cleanest blood in the population… The Red Cross loves my blood… wants to do a study because they think that its impossible for me to get HIV.”
Yes, its all beyond mind boggling…
You did nothing wrong and I admire you for putting it all out there.
xo ~ L
Good job Katt,
I am proud of you for taking care of you.
I got tested recently, not because I really thought anything would be found, but I did for ME AND ONLY ME. It was just a step in self-care.
The results came back recently, and I don’t have any STD’s. I hope you keep striving to take care of yourself…you have been through so much. We all have.
PIES…physical, intellectual, emotional, spiritual…these are areas we can take care of ourselves in (based on Flora’s recipe! Thanks Flora)
B. Trayed
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