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So in my previous post I asked for the wisdom and advice of my sisters regarding my convo with Sah about upcoming disclosure and a lame excuse he gave about not remembering a number that shows up on his am ex bill month after month and each time he traveled to his co home office out of state.
The collective wisdom of the sisters was to have my sah call the number on speaker. And as is my usual form, I did not take the collective advice. Instead I received the number from a dear sister, and to my surprise. It belonged to a man, and I was pissed.
So pissed that I decided to torture the man, fucker I thought, sent him a few texts basically asking who he was, why my spouse was calling him and why my chicken shit spouse was afraid to admit who the number belonged to
He texted back, I thought what a narc, not afraid to respond. He said he had no idea what I was talking about and asked me not to text him anymore. Of course I did not listen to him either and asked him if his wife knew about his extra curricular activities and told him to expect a call from me and my spouse over the weekend to clear up the ‘misunderstanding’ but that clearly he had nothing to worry about’.
To which he responded, ‘you’re right, I don’t have anything to worry about and my next call will be to the police.’. To which I replied, ‘ do what you have to, that is one way I can get the information I’m looking for’.Seething about this all day, I couldn’t even speak to my San, when the kids and he were watching a movie, I packed a bag, and decided to go to my moms until he leaves on business tuesday
I brought the mo. Am ex bill w phone number highlighted, and he offered to call. I said dont, told him I’d already texted the guy, and he threatened to call the police. I said. Call American express mr I don’t have any idea who this man is, and he did.
On speaker, the rep said. ‘ this purchase was made at the merchant ‘……’. It was the coffee shop in his office building. My Sah said, are you sure, it is not a phone call. No sir, it is a coffee shop, and can tell you were at …., and you swiped you card.
Omg. I felt like such an idiot. I was done, ready to walk out, hear more shit at disclosure and kick him out…….
He handled it gracefully as always, which made me mad I’ll admit, but this one number had bothered me from the very beginning of my discovery bc it was on every bill, everyday so at least I know the story behind that one, now on to the rest of it. Wish me luckPoor man whose number is registered as the merchant….
Anna, I’m confused.. The phone number shows up as a call on the phone bill, even though it’s a credit card transaction?
I get that phone numbers of merchants show up on credit card bills.. but on the phone bill as well? My apologies for being muddled.. my brain is cream of wheat these days. xoxoSorry. It was confusing. It is a charge on his am ex. But it did not show as a merchant. It was a phone number only. No other info so thought he was calling for a hookup in hotel room each nite he was out of town
Yes they do. After I got a laugh at my defiant text to the ‘ other sa’. Reminded my sah it wasn’t funny that this is my life now and although this number was not as I thought there were many others that were exactly as I thought. He agreed and apologized, and it still pisses me off when he’s gracious because I want to kick the shit out of him some days. But am grateful he sees the pain he caused and is doing what he can. W the PTSD reactions to everything, grateful he doesn’t add fuel
XxooOh, girl, we go so low…Been there, done that. Once, a suspicious number turned out to be my MOTHER’S. Well, I didn’t have it MEMORIZED–just programmed in my phone. It showed up on his bill over and over. (He calls her a lot regarding Lola.)
Anna,
I can’t tell you how many times my heart has raced with an unfamiliar phone number on E-blaster – but it always turns out to be nothing. The difference is that I get excited because I really want to find something so I can kick his ass to an SA intensive or out the door, whichever I feel like at the moment.
Isn’t that pathetic?
I know that he has done enough for either one of these – but he keeps reminding me that it’s been a year since he screwed anyone and he’s “sober”.
I have found NOTHING on E-blaster since I installed it a month ago (except his crazy rantings to himself).
Deb
This reminds me of when I did a white pages search and found a po box to to someone with the same first two initials and last name of my H who still carried a po box key on his key ring (he swore two yrs ago he just never turned it in when he closed his box). My gf who has an inv tool that she uses for jobs checked this site with his name and social and it did show his box was closed when he said it had. After talking to Sharron tonight I’m setting up a polygraph for H giving him a 30 min window so he can’t work on resolving his lies prior to. Sharron said her H had lots of notice and maybe that’s why he passed. This key is still on his key ring btw. I cannot be this stupid. Maybe I am but who carries a po box key on their key ring if they no longer own a po box????? Sharrons H passed with flying colors and later admitted he lied so who knows.
Just take the key off of his ring and tell him you disposed of it for him.
See what happens.
Polygraphs for SA’s really need to be done with professionals working with the couselors in order to obtain accurate results. Anything else is certain to be either inaccurate or inconclusive.
This is the kind of thing that is totally understandable when you have been in our shoes but also can set up up to be accused of being bat-shit crazy. And who wouldn’t be bat-shit crazy after all we’ve been through! We walk a fine line- don’t say anything you are “enabling” and worried sick, you say something and you are “controlling” and over-reactive if turns out to be nothing while they are the “reasonable” ones. That’s maybe why it makes you angry that he acts “gracefully”?
Okay, mine at least reminds of those episodes of TV shows where one character is doing something to torment another character, but only when no one is looking. As soon as the person reacts, the tormentor acts all innocent and everyone gives the victim a hard time. Then as soon as everyone’s back is turned, the tormentor starts up again. Do you know what I am talking about?
Teri I know exactly what you are talking about
and believe that is why I get so angry sometimes
I told him this morning it would be my luck that though he iss the sa who broke the law by hiring hookers, it would be me who ends up getting arrested or slapped w a restraining order for trying to find out who else he was screwing
urrgh. Going to moms tonight anyway. I need some space.And march, so true. I can’t tell you how many numbers kept showing up repeatedly that I would be anxious of that were his therapist, our friends phone numbers that I hadn’t memorized and my favorite several calls while I was at work while he was laid off, to our hvac guy to schedule some work
the madness. I hadn’t looked at anything in months until the good Friday out of town espisode last week. I need to get my peace back and stop worrying about him bc he is going to do what he is going to do whether I react or find out or not. I am not in control of him or his behavior and I just need to remember thatBev you’re killing me with your one liners, just like Nap! Too funny! Love that term bat shit crazy…..
Joann, if I took it off all he would do is pay the $5 for a new one and then hide it if he actually does still have a box somewhere. If he notices it missing he would never say a word to me about it.
Since I know I’m crazy too, this is what I would do and warning: it’s out there………….
I would stage a lie detector test. Find someone who looks like they do them, they are usually very somber people. Find a contraption on eBay someone one is selling cheap. Hook him up, have the guy ask questions, make some bogus printout on the computer. “OMG you lied!”. “what else have you lied about!”. Then maybe they will spill their guts. I admit this is ‘out there’.
Out there but so damn on track! I love it. I would want to get the results privately first. Sharron said her H passed his and later admitted to her he lied but still passed it. It’s all about what they’ve convinced themselves to be the truth. Too bad there’s not a piss test for SA like there is for alcohol or drugs.
nap too funny! You are so clever! The ideas for questions are swirling in my head! I am pretty sure we should all collaborate and write the “Don’t Get Mad Get Even – Sex Addict Addition” book! How to really bust their asses!
I registered an email address one digit off from his golf soul mates email (which he swears he deleted, I didn’t). I was going to call sl this weekend, have her go on and just email him a “hey” while I was with him….so I could see how he reacts!
and anna- one time I was so angry I literally was seeing red. I called h’s desk and some guy answered (no one has ever answered his phone), I was the nastiest person ever and told him to go get my husband in the most vicious, possessed voice ever. Oops….I called the place he used to work at 6 years ago!!! yep – caller id. My h had lunch with that guy last week! I asked him if he had mentioned that I called him!
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