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Oh ladies, you don’t know how glad I am to have found you! march and bev….so true. for now, that post was a riot! I love all of the spunky humor. So healing!
JulesHumor heals. Tears drain. Your “horrible post” is a healthy thought. Loving your Abuser is neurotic. My STBXSAH asked me once if I wanted him to drive his car off the road…this was after I found all his initial affair emails. I wish now I would have said, “Yes.” Instead I reacted with compassion and empathy and pity…which led to 7 more years of SA lies and his new stronger SA-self who is fighting me for primary custody of our 4 children. I’m with March. I want him to die a dirty old man all alone death, only because he once disclosed that that was one of his greatest fears. He stole my youth and traumatized me for 20 years. I pray for his death daily. Death would be easier than divorce, but I am so relieved that women like us have the option to divorce. The women before us, had it worse. They were the property!! The SA gravestone thread is one of my favorites on this site! What’s the Willie Nelson comment referred to above? I missed it. 🙂
Jules, I couldn’t agree more with you, I am so happy to have found all of you:)
It is relieving to know that I’m not alone in wishing he’d crash his car on his way home from work because death just seems like WAY easier of an out than divorce. Ha, and then I’d feel super guilty for even thinking such an awful thing.I feel guilty I didn`t kill him the minute I found all this stuff. Rid the world of one more waste of space. Lucky for him he is the father of my children….
My H always had a death wish. From the time I met him he said he didn’t think he’d live past 30, then 40, then 50… He always said he’s ready to go anytime. He would threaten to kill himself and once he went outside and I heard a gun go off, one shot. He later said he was target practicing. I said, ONE SHOT.” He got all dopey faced and said nothing.
Once when we were arguing he put a kitchen knife to his heart. He said it’s because I might as well kill him for the problems we have.
So when he was riding his “HARLEY”, which he bought and set up a loan to pay interest only, and a deer ran out in front of him and the DEER DIED, and his life flashed before his eyes, and he came home and told me and was sooooo traumatized, and I said, something like too bad he made it, since he wanted to die anyway…he was SO HURT and APPALLED that I could think or say such a thing.
I reminded him of his incessant daeth threats but it’s different now that I agree with him.
REALLY?
My stbx didn’t show up for visitation this morning. Didn’t call or text- nothing. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he and his girlfriend killed themselves. And I didn’t feel sad.
My life has been like one of those horror movies when the villain just keeps coming back over and over even when he should be dead already.
If they live to die as old men that mean they will have more opportunity to torment more innocent lives
They should die hanging themselves from a bridge or some other painful death and go to hell ( I am watching the God father movie now ) and I am getting inspired by different ideas for revengeThe best revenge is to let them know they have no control over you and you are not falling for their manipulations anymore. Don’t belive a WORD they say. Share next to nothing. Have NO emotion during your interactions with them. Run out of the Horror Movie as fast as you can, and never look back. Take the time to heal, but move past wallowing…we all have lives to live and these WHACK JOBS are just a small part of the lives we can and will create with out them. I am trying to envision my STBXSA as a bad neighbor…someone I have to still see occassionaly, but I’m basically very detached from.
“My stbx didn’t show up for visitation this morning. Didn’t call or text- nothing. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he and his girlfriend killed themselves. And I didn’t feel sad.”
Oh Teri, does that hit home! Several years back my father called to tell me that my first husband, who lived in the same town as Dad, had died unexpectedly. Dropped dead in his driveway. I hadn’t seen or spoken to that walking piece of shit in thirty years, and I kept waiting to feel something. Sad. Happy. Vindicated. Something.
I never felt anything at all.
In fact I was surprised to feel more grief when a public figure passed. For my ex, nothing. Nothing at all.
Still don’t.
I have felt those things I had written down those things as a full proof plan..I even called a few of those girls and found out the photo they sent them was about 15 years old lol.. I sent them what he looks like now 40lbs heavier and what his child and alimony monthly payments would look like…I said you can have him but not my money or anything else. I realized that they were just as sick as him they did not want him they wanted the fantasy hope I did not break that dream lol.
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