im really sorry this is going on

ok im going to put myself on a limb here. when i got home from the retreat i bumped up a poem of sorts i wrote, for btryed to read mind you this was while all this was going on with ella and the post. i have never heard from her other than comments on some of my other posts here. after i bumped up my poem. i received a email from her i read it and thought how odd she didnt just leave a comment on the forum i would like you all to read this email i don’t want any one to get mad at me or think im trying to cause any more problems
re-your words
E Sent 22 hours, 2 minutes ago imapacted me so much and really resonated with me. Oh what pain that shows through in those words! There is no pain like this kind of betrayal. I saw it was written 5 months ago, before I was here. How are you doing now, if you don’t mind me asking?

at first i was caught off guard why not write in my post it would have opened other conversation with everyone else why would that not have been better

i sit here and think how could this mess with her gotten so deep to the point of people leaving and such. i think of how ella wrote me a personal email and at first i let myself feel she really really understood me. i then started to read about this mess and was thinking how maybe just maybe in some way sides are being picked. this scares me, many times i think about the who what when where of us and our partners.
many times i wish i could call someones partner and rip him another ==== but i didn’t would could i if he was up front and center i do not know.
we are all so different thats really hard to remember some times i mean really really hard.
i dont know what im trying to say im so lost and fearful of what i see going on. my sa has separated me in so many ways from all thats important in my life now it feels that way again
i guess the main purpose im writing now is when i read that email i felt she shes a dr. of sorts and she knows how to stop what i feel each time he touches me. i see shes email others too was i wrong to feel this did any of you think that too…
that in its self made me mad that someone would question her about anything she did. i respect every ones opinion and needs
much love katt