I’M SO EXCITED!!!!!! I hope my hopes don’t get dashed

For some reason… this sex addiction crap has completely tested my otherwise awesome google skills. It took me almost a year of actively looking for an online support group before I found this place.

And other than short intensives… trying to find a therapist that actually specializes in treatment of the partners is like finding a needle in a haystack.

But I have taken everyone’s words to heart and have spent so much time looking this week. I have a lot in the past as well. Never with any luck.

I found a therapist about 15 min away. I sent her an email because I was floored by what I read on her website. I could have wept.

Here are some tidbits from her website…
“Perhaps you have worked with a therapist who specializes in sexual addiction. I hope that this was a positive experience for you. But I know that for many of you it was not. I hear from many partner’s who felt they were treated as an adjunct to their spouse’s treatment, with little or no encouragement for seeking treatment for their own pain. Or worse yet, made to feel as if they were the problem and isolated from information about his recovery. And while I wholeheartedly support participation in Twelve Step support groups like COSA, S-Anon and SLAA, these groups are based on a codependency model of treatment rather than a model that recognizes what you are going through for what it really is – trauma.

If you are or have been in a relationship with a sex addict, you are in a world of pain. Pain is traumatic. Trauma is not best treated by a codependency model of therapy; trauma is best treated by a trauma model of therapy.

Working with a therapist who expects you to deal with codependency first is like being in a violent car wreck with blood gushing from your arteries. But instead of focusing on the blood, the emergency worker focuses on the traffic violation. Luckily emergency workers don’t do this. They don’t do this because they know that there is a natural and logical priority – take care of the blood first, traffic reports later. Your emotional emergency has a natural and logical priority as well – trauma first

So what is the answer for therapy? Start with first things first. Remember, trauma first. And find a trained therapist who understands that. Also, keep in mind that although many therapists who work with pornography and sex addiction are willing to work with partners, many of those therapists have significantly more training and experience in working with the addict and comparatively little in working with your needs.”

So I emailed her.

Her response was: “I am aware that the cost of most of us trained to deal with the impact of sex addiction is difficult and that usually the partners often choose to sacrifice their own treatment so that your addict gets help, so I added a therapist to specifically do lower cost counseling with partners. We both use a trauma model.”

She is an out of network provider so I need to compare her fees to what will be reimbursable from my insurance. I should be able to find this out tomorrow. If I can make it financially work, she does a free initial consultation.

So PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep all your fingers and toes crossed for me. It all seems too good to be true.