- This topic has 20 replies, 18 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 5 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Let the emotions roll.
Last night I laid in bed, reading, the book had a happy ending but it was sad leading up to that. I couldn’t stop crying. Not balled up sobbing type of crying, but just whimpering and tears falling down my cheeks, just seeping out of the corner of my eyes. I kept trying to stop but the more I thought about “happy endings” the more I got upset about my situation not being a happy ending. I was up until 3 am. I had the TV on all night trying to find something that would change my mood so I could fall asleep. Today I’m just depressed and well, tired, of course.
I had physical therapy this morning and when I came home I was hoping SA would be gone, but when I saw his pick up in the driveway, I teared up again. Geez!!! Luckily, he left shortly after I got home and all I said when he said he was leaving and going to a jobsite (that he was supposed to go to earlier this morning) was bye. I didn’t even look at him. I don’t want to. I just want to be left alone.
Humph. Not liking today very much. But at least there is Monday night football! Thanks for listening.
Claire
Oh Claire, I just hate it that you’re sad. 🙁 I get it though. I’ve been bawling on and off for days now just at the thought that the puppies are going to be leaving soon. Soon as in a couple weeks. Enjoy MNF and hopefully you will get a good night’s sleep and things will look better tomorrow.
Hugs to you sweet Sister,
DaisyClaire, we all have those days and nights. I have literally turned my car around in the cove and driven to the park in the morning when I see his car still here. I take my dogs to school to drop off the kids and I keep leashes in the car.
I have watched more shitty TV than I thought was humanly possible. I watched about 8 consecutive reruns of ‘everybody loves raymond’ on late night tv because I could not sleep Friday night. I hate that stupid show and I hate raymond 🙂
Try to find the things that you have done that is progress. Don’t focus on the happy ending. There is a happy ending but it’s not what we thought it was. It’s a surprise and you will know it when it is time. Hugs to you and enjoy the football.
Oh Claire, I, too, hate that you’re sad. 🙁 I’m watching the game with you tonight, I thought Monday Night Football would NEVER get here!
I don’t know what the ending ever is. I think I’m learning to try and seize any scrap of beauty, wonder, joy, goodness, laughter, love —and be grateful for it.
I decided that heaven was made of all the things we were grateful for on earth. The things we took for granted wouldn’t be there. Now this may not be good eschatological theology, but I’ve decided it’s very good incarnational theology. In others words, it’s changing the way I live each day. Some days are very bad. Some aren’t bad at all. Some at bit of this and bit of that. But it’s really just a one day life for me.
Claire, there’s so much to be anxious about, and almost none of it we can control. Only how we choose to be present or absent. And like Bev says, turning the car around and choosing to not be present is okay.
I understand the teary moments that just come. But you are still alive. You have survived the worst of it. You will survive what lies ahead. Find something beautiful or good, and that owns the day.
It’s not easy, but it helps.
love,
Diane.Diane, I like that: “heaven was made ofall the things we were grateful for on earth. “
And Bev, I’ve done that too- see his car in the driveway, turn around, and figure out what else to do until I’m ready to go back in. I always think that’s a sign that we shouldn’t be living together anymore.Claire maybe you can come take over this place. How many acres do you have? I hate coming here.
Diane do you think “they” go to heaven?
Jo – I realized it was over with my h. when I would cringe every time I heard the garage door open in the evening, indicating he was home. When your first thought is “aww, fuck, he’s home”, that’s a sign.
Claire – I’m sorry you are having a sad day. I have those too. As difficult as they are, I always try to roll with it b/c I think if you don’t allow yourself to feel your emotions and grieve, they will come out that much stronger the next time. I liken it to a balloon – every once in a while, I have to let a little bit of air out or it will burst. And everytime I let some air out, there is some relief.
One of the things I do when I need a little lift is watch funny YouTube videos. I love Jimmy Fallon so I will search for some of his sketches (his “Thank You” notes are hilarious!) or I’ll watch old SNL skits, etc. Short & sweet and can’t help but lighten your mood.
Hang in there sister,
ChristineIt is so hard to feel this hurt. But I think it helps us to have these crying jags. I think we all need to grieve. My dad told me when we were discussing this that “hate goes its own way, but love dies a slow painful death.” I do hope you feel better tomorrow. I too stay up watching stupid movies on my phone trying to sleep.. and the “oh shit he’s here for dinner already” sucks.
Claire my thoughts are with you. I am sending lkght snd love(((hugs))) For me it helps that I to have a good cry or weep, and get on with it. Last go around I lost myself completely and lost my life, enjoyment with my kids – not this time. His shit is his. I was actually planning things out of things went sideways when he came back to our house. I can just feel the negative energy coming of him. So I will spray perfume, candles. Play music, to clear the house of that feeling. Even the kids are getting snarky…… To be honest I wish he’d just go away……thinking of you this warm beautiful night in the Rockies
Oh my Sisters, you are all so wonderful.
It’s nice to know that I’m not the only one who cringes when I see the truck in the driveway or hear the garage door open. It’s a sad, sad, place to be when it reaches that point.
I agree that feeling the emotions and cleansing tears are good, but I’m one of those people that doesn’t bounce back real quick! I’ll feel down for a while, so I just have to ride it out. Plus my eyes will stay red and puffy for a while.
Thank you so much for helping me today. Your wonderful advice, donkey hugs, and quotes. They all make me wish I was with you. Sometimes when I can’t sleep I watch episodes of Friends, always wishing I had a group of close friends like that. And I do . . . though they are not in the apartment across the hall, they are just a click away in the “Hood”!
I love you all. Claire
claire, i didn’t read the posts except yours. i just wanted to give you a cyber hug before i go to sleep. {{{{{ }}}}} xo
Big hugs from me too, Claire. Sucks that you’re having a bad night. I hope tomorrow you can sit and talk with your little donkeys and just be in the moment, like Diane said. You deserve all the happiness in the world. xoxo
Claire,
I think you have been living with so much horrible stuff going on you are probably suppressing a whole lot of emotion just to survive. And when something cracks through the wall, it’s probably like opening a floodgate.Getting some of it out is good and healthy. Kinda like eating your veggies- it may not be what you want, but you will be better off.
I also remember times I did not want doc e to come home and I just hid doing things in the closet, upstairs, etc. He couldn’t stand that I didn’t want to pay attention to him.
Awww Claire,
I’m so sorry for you. Happy endings make me cry too. Of all the things to set me off was “Breaking Dawn” part 1, the wedding scene. Then after watching the entire movie I realized, holy shit this movie is about making a relationship with a sociopath work! I once had an bf who said that he no longer believed in happy endings, but rather peaceful ones. I don’t know that I believe that either. Maybe it feels that way after we get to the end. Please do take care of yourself. And watch some comedies or science fiction for escapism!Donkey hugs to you Claire (although that’s a Nap expression and I’m not sure what it means)! Sorry it’s a hard time for you. Unlike “Friends”, we are real and we know what it’s like to not have a perfect life. Even Jennifer Anniston didn’t have the marital outcome that she had expected. F-ing Brad Pitt leaving her for trampy Angelina Jolie. It’s enough to make you spit!
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.