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I don’t mean never facing it. I’ll scream and cry and collapse on the floor when I need to.
But sometimes, like now, I can choose. I can let the pain chew away at me and keep me awake on the edge of agony, or I can pretend it doesn’t exist. Take a hot bath. Read a novel until I fall asleep. Pretend none of this is happening.
Is there any harm in that? Shutting it off for a while? NOT dealing with it?
I want to heal, but right now I am tired. I don’t want to hurt. I just want to, I don’t know, I just want to feel normal again.
Absolutely not, Annie! If you need a break (and can take a break) then I think you definitely should do that. Don’t be a martyr. I’m no expert but I don’t think taking a little time off from the pain will be any less productive – and in fact will probably be more productive – to your recovery. Think of it this way – our SAH’s had a choice to fuck a whore or not. You can choose to let it eat you alive or you can choose to give yourself a much-needed break every once in awhile.
Oh honey, I do that all the time! It’s a survival mechanism. You just can’t live with this pain 24/7. Sometimes just reading about the pain here does me in and I have to turn my computer off and go read a book or watch TV until my heart stops racing. Do whatever you need to do to get some rest and some peace.
Love,
Daisyi have numbness tonight. i am always so relieved when it hits. just to blot it out for a few hours is such a relief. if you can shut it down, do it.
i have numbness tonight. i am always so relieved when it hits. just to blot it out for a few hours is such a relief. if you can shut it down, do it.
You know what it is? I don’t want to be like him. Numbing the pain instead of dealing with life.
But I suppose this is different. A choice to cultivate my own heath through rest instead of dwelling on pain. Not covering it up with alcohol or sex or sports or nicotine or whatever the hell else he finds easier than having a real relationship with a real woman.
as long as you are mindful of the fact that you are taking some time out, there is no harm done.. awareness is the key, i think.
Yes, Annie, you are doing the right thing to shut this down whenever you need to. At the beginning I went non-stop for about a month, maybe more. There was so much to understand and DO. My counselor finally said, stop! Now, I travel here and there when I need to get away from it. I find ways to escape at home too. You have a lifetime to get over this. You are not numbing the pain, you are putting it down until you are ready to pick it up and turn it over again with new insight. Run, jump, play, dance, sing, socialize, get away from it every single day. Then, get away from it completely for as long as you possibly can sometimes.
You can put the pain in a box, close it, and put it away for awhile. It will still be there when you are ready to deal with it.
Annie, it’s not only ok, it’s essential for your own healing. Anything that helps you feel normal, no matter how small, is a step towards feeling like you’re back in the world, and to bringing yourself out of the weird surreal world we find ourselves in. xoxo
AO,
I think we have to because all at once is too much. We need to go through the process to heal and our minds and bodys are great at protecting us when things get overwhelming. Everyone is different and it’s what works for you my dear sister.
Love, Nap
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