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Hi sisters!
Those of you who know me understand that i have not been on too much lately due to my move to Tennessee, my new job, getting settled, etc.Most of you know that my new office is attached to the house I now live in, which is unreal. LITERALLY – NO COMMUTE!! And, a beautiful lake view outside my office window….
Anyway, today, my new, adorable, sweet, awesome BF decides that we need a cleaning lady to take care of our house. Why, you might ask?? “SO WE CAN SPEND ALL OF OUR FREE TIME TOGETHER….. AND NOT WASTE IT ON TRIVIAL STUFF LIKE HOUSEWORK.”
Yes, that is a quote from the boyfriend…. Should I pinch myself?? Is this real? Is this possibly how the one who loves us is suppose to treat us?? He actually told me to bring her in to do a big spring cleaning – and THEN have her come in once a week or however often I want, to keep the place clean. Wow….
I know we have some serious stuff going on right now with several of our sisters. I am not trying to rub this stuff in. Promise. But I am so in shock and SOOOOO not use to this awesome treatment, that I just had to share.
For those of you who are on the fence…. please use my fairy tale story as a motivator to really consider setting yourself free. I couldn’t have dreamed this stuff up in a million years. This guy is the real deal. This relationship is the way it should be. This is my new life now. I am owning it – and he makes it so easy to do so.
Clean, Schmean……. – we have boating to do and stuff!!!
XOXOXOXO!!!!!!!
PS – when Zumba girl heard this story, she was so dumbfounded and shocked – she said she wanted to cry!!
I still do, lol! I am so happy for you, SL!!!! Gawd, that is SO opposite of my h, who, even in “recovery” doesn’t make much effort to spend time with me. 🙁 I suspect that’s part of his personality disorder/issues/whatever. But when do we stop analyzing/labeling/and trying to fix it? SL, keep showing me/us the light at the end of the tunnel. Not everyone can/should take the same path, but I think the more stories we hear the better!! And you have shared with me the good, the bad and the ugly. Not every new relationship is 100% amazing, 24/7. But your new relationship certainly shows me what “normal” life outside of this horror story looks like. As I told you earlier today, thank you for staying with SOS, even though you could easily walk away and put all of this behind you. You inspire me beyond words. Love you, sister!!!!
SL – I second that. Thanks so much for showing us the light at the end of the tunnel. Does he have any childhood traumas that you know about? Are his parents loving and sane? (just be sure to ask – as I think IMO, that is the key to finding the right guy).
Deb
My dumbass has always encouraged me to hire cleaning ladies or whatever I want! No, not to spend more time with me… To, make sure everything was clean like he wanted and to shut me up!!! Nice, huh?
Love you SL!! Hire sonmeone and put that time to better use:)
Dear SL,
Yes, I suspect that is what a normal relationship looks like…especially a NEW normal relationship. 😉 You find it strange because you have lived a long time with a man who wants to keep distance between you and who’s mind is focused elsewhere? I suspect you find it strange because you are used to being pushed aside and avoided.Now you are simply free to love and be loved back- minus all the head f–ks. I am very, very happy for you, SL and I LOVE the new pic. 🙂 God Bless Karen xx
Thanks SL for have the guts to point out what normal might actually look like in this sea of troubled lives. We can sometimes lose the reference point for “normal” as we share the hideous stories of our lives with these broken human being.
I am also on a tentative journey of “normal” with my man. He didn’t get me a cleaning lady, but he did order up a window washer for my townhouse. Sound romantic? Maybe not, but its the practical little helps that actually make a difference in daily life. I made him meatloaf the other night (he’s recovering from rotator cuff surgery) and he told me over and over again how delicious it was, and thanked me—for meatloaf! Then he got out the air compressor and pumped up my tires before I left (not a metaphor here–he actually pumped up my tires with one good arm). Last night we exchanged emails because he was buying a new duvet cover and wanted my opinion. He listened to me tell Claire’s story and was dumbfounded at the things that the women onthe site are dealing with. He tells me he just can’t get his head around how and why we are labelled co-addicts and co-dependents in this nightmare. He said that to someone outside the issue, it is just the stupidest approach he could imagine.
So what is normal? Well it’s not a fantasy, and I think some woman are still interesting in a fantasy and they will always be easier to con than others. I may have been in that category, I think. So our journey is about losing the fantasy and realizing the dream. Normal isn’t unreal. It’s real–warts and all, but it’s not abuse, not manipulation, not lies.
Sl and Diane. Your posts made me think how Steve did not get me a Valentine present or a Birthday present, but he has the money to pay me $600./mo. Totally narcissistic and into himself.
Diane, I was certainly into the fantasy and was conned to the max! It is easier to believe and hope for change than look out for ourselves and face the reality that it is not going to happen. Hopefully, there will come a point, for the spouse’s living in that fantasy, where there is a mind changing event with the SA (small or large) where it becomes clear to them getting out, even temporarily, and taking care of themselves is the only option.sl- good for you. You give me hope. How amazing to have someone want to spend time with you (rather than complain about you being too needy and dependent- even when they work 100 hour weeks with no days off, so you and your child never see the AH). I bet you can so appreciate being appreciated!
Diane, Your remark about the fantasy reminded me of all the online profiles of the women my DAH was “meeting”. They pretty much were all caught up in the fantasy. Thinking they were like Cinderella waiting for their Prince Charming (who would also pay them for sex). All I could think was, “good luck with that, sister”. One of them was even advertising that she was using her earnings to help pay for law school! How much in reality is that (NOT). I think I am ready for some normal life reality.
Diane and SL, I am very happy for you both. They sound like really good men.
Do they have a brother ?
Love, Nap
SL, I am so happy for you, and that picture of you guys is so cute.. what a beautiful couple you are!
And Diane, so happy for you too. Anyone who’d arrange having my windows washed would have me as a slave for life! xoxoHey SL, I have no idea 🙂 But i hope that someday it will. I envision that the man i am meant to be with will be just the way he is fine…whatever that is. And I think this person should bring out the best in you and light up your soul. Who knows, sounds difficult to find. But it can happen right? Maybe someday. Truely i always had doubt in my h, i was always a little weary and guarded. I (as well as a therapist) chalked that up to my father, my lack of trust was because of my parents relationship and a failed relationship my sister had with a guy who was also a sex addict. So it really takes a while to realize..crap i was right the whole time. I also had the is this to good to be true? Because it was. There was always that .000001% doubt in him.
So happy for you SL and Diane.
Love,
Flora
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