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Oh I did say that too, well my healing has come a long way – his is ongoing. I am able to let him go as I embrace me. To see the depth of his pain and behavior, much of which I did not know until disclosure last week:( and to move forward in my life, currently with immense sadness but also hope. I feel emancipated, and that is huge, mostly from ambivalence and the loss of my marriage that never was. I have been able to say that to him and stand in it. To say it with compassion and firmness. I am grateful that we are already living separately. We are communicating, him with a lot of emotion and despair, me with a lot of integrity and sadness.
As it stands, I have told him we are no longer a couple, we will be a family as long as he is an ‘honest’ recovery, but a family that lives separately, we will visit dissolution probably later in the year (my plan) as legal separation doesn’t give enough protection – being liberated from worrying whether ‘he will or he won’t, whether he is or he isn’t’, has been the biggest gift I have given to myself. I won’t go into the things that I discovered in disclosure, enough for you to know it was much more than I thought, not news on this Board unfortunately.
I will say that the disclosures. both trauma and acting out history, ware handled gently and with accountability by ISH (he did a poly and passed). I was carefully prepared and incredibly well-supported. I would not have had this clarity without it – it has been essential for me in putting back together the fractured pieces of my life and establishing some reality around our story together. It wasn’t all bad but it is going to be damn good going forward – I might take a bit of a break from posting but I always check in with everyone’s news – getting to disclosure required lots of internal strength and self-care, so I have been quiet, now I want to just be me:-) love you all xo
Edit | Delete #Oh Meg…how hard to hear all that let alone live through it. 🙁 No surprise on the disclosure content…not to me anyway. I never expect anything but the worst from them but I am ALWAYS surprised how much it feels like a kick in the gut…even when it is someone else’s husband. I’m very glad you had the support of ISH through this process. When we think about how most disclosures are “facilitated” (I use that word very loosely) I am relieved you had some genuine support. You post whenever you feel like it, Meg. I am glad you let us know this, but sad to think of you going through it on your own. Just the same…I can read the positives in your post and I am betting you will be ok now. Sending you the angels… even if you don’t believe in them. 😉
Massive Hugs, Karen
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