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Hi everyone-I know I am not supposed to be talking about Steve as much-concentrating on myself, but this is such a good one coming out of his mouth I just have to share it with you all.
I finally confronted him about the issue with his sister, and of course he went ballistic telling me I am always looking for things and there is nothing to it. We then got into the conversation we had 3 weeks ago when he admitted to me that, yes, “There are probably things about him that no-one knows and he is probably sicker than everyone realizes.” That followed my statement to him stating such.
Are you ready guys? Last night he told me that his statement was just a joke. HE’s a joke! Can you imagine???
I asked him if he considers everything a joke, and is he just manipulating or does he really lack insight into the fact he has cognitive and perception distortion. He looked at me with hate in his eyes. I told him we were having a rational conversation that day, and I take seriously what he tells me. I went on to say that if he cannot take my word on things I witness about his behavior, then we have nothing to work with. He got extremely angry, and told me we will continue the conversation tomorrow, and he will bring it up with his therapist. It is now 2:30pm, and of course he is just going on as if nothing happened, and the subject has not been brought up.
I am going to his Therapist with him on Wednesday, and clue him in on the seriousness of things going on with Steve-that I have now discovered there are incestual inuindos here (and maybe more). He is not getting away with fooling this therapist any longer. Don’t know if he really is fooling him, but know he has not told him about the issue with his daughter and sister.
YA, I know you are all going to tell me not to get that involved in his therapy, but I simply am just not going to let him get away with it. God only knows what shit will spew out of his mouth to the therapist.Honey, you can’t win this.
He will get away with this as long as he wants to.
And the therapist can’t do anything either if Steve doesn’t want to touch it.Sharron, step away from the rabbit hole.
I DO understand about rabbits holes myself. I have them too. And I have friends who tell me when I’m circling them. Yours is often an intense rational operation going on in your head that you hope will matter to Steve or his therapist. It won’t. So don’t invest heavily in this appt.
And don’t be hard on yourself because you started to fall into the rabbit hole again. It takes practice and a sisterhood to change that story. Here now, grab my hand and let’s go make some coffee.
love,
D.Yes, Diane is right.
“I went on to say that if he cannot take my word on things I witness about his behavior”
Honey, you have GOT to stop “witnessing”. Stop looking. Stop thinking. Stop wondering. Let him be or you are going to make yourself stark raving bonkers!
You cannot change him.
And honey, no one knows more about obsession over a man than me. I’m the queen. But, I am never going to let that happen ever again. I can’t. The emotional toll is too excruciating. I’m done with fucktards.
Again, and I will repeat this as often as necessary. 🙂 These are your three basic choices.
1) Stay and burn a hole in your stomach wondering what the hell he is thinking, doing and believing… and yes… total rabbit hole. This is masochism at its finest.
2) Leave the situation and start a new life for yourself without him (or a much more limited him)– obviously, the one you want the least.
3) Stay in the situation, but just enjoy him for who and what he is (milk him for every penny you can with gifts and dinners and trips and clothes and jewelry and great sex) and if he gets better (on his own– okay) and if not, that’s okay too. He lusts after his daughter, his sister, the check out girl at the A&P, who cares? You love the idiot, no matter what!
After everything that you’ve written and all– while maybe it wouldn’t work for me, I can understand fully why you would pick #3. Of course, its not my decision, but the one I like the least is number 1. That one is a recipe for endless heartache. Please, you must stop talking about his recovery or rather lack of it. It is what it is… (hate that statement, but it works here). If you don’t, then you are going to be met with nothing but his wrath. Yes, he’s sick and perverted and what have you. Yes, he is joking, not joking, fooling you, his therapist, and anyone else he can hoodwink. This is his fun. He loves it when he can get you all riled up! Don’t fall for it honey.
Leave it be. Do not continue the conversation tomorrow. Get a manicure, a massage. Go to an exercise class. Get your hair done. Buy a new dress (with HIS money) 😉 but DO NOT TALK ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON INSIDE HIS FEKKED UP HEAD! it is an exercise in self-destruction. Please don’t. In fact, the ONLY way you have any shot at his making some improvements is to LEAVE HIM BE. Yes, he lies to his shrink… yes, yes, of course, but at least he’s going.
sorry to shout. Its said with nothing but love and concern– always.
(((hugs)))
Lexie
PS: I will gladly repeat all of this as many times as necessary. Have you noticed that I’ve said pretty much the same thing for the last year?
That cup of Jo sounds like a great idea!
Love and hugs,
L
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