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Hello,
I’ve just had a huge lightbulb moment!
This phrase that we have all heard time and time again – “this was never about you”…Well of course it was never about me… it never has been about me… its always been about you darling SAH…
It was about you when we met – how good I made you feel, how good I made you look, how good it was to have someone run around after you, how good it was to talk about the family you always wanted to care for and provide for…
It was about you when you did what you wanted to while i moved my whole life to be with you.
It was about you when you started spending more time viewing pornography instead of coming to bed to be close and intimate with me.
It was about your needs when we started swinging – your need for excitement and thrills and danger because clearly I wasnt enough…
It was about you when I contracted chlamydia and you told me in no uncertain terms that it was my fault that a woman I had been with had chlamydia and must have given it to me (yes darling sisters I tried everything to keep my husband…)
It has always been about you. When was it ever about me? Did you ever love me? Or did you just think you did?
The thing about love, is you have to love yourself to love anyone else. To have a respect and a center. Perhaps that’s why by the end I didnt love you anymore. Because i no longer loved the person I had become.
Thank you God for loving me, unconditionally, as I am in all my brokenness and starting to rebuild me. Thank you for stepping in and showing me that I am still someone to love and be loved. That perhaps with time I can start to love out and trust again. Will it be with my SAH? I dont know. I just know that I have to be strong and beautiful and loved in You Lord God, so that I no longer need his validation anymore.
I hope this realisation helps just one of you x Love you sisters x
jos – that was really a beautiful post.
I love your honesty, and you are right, no one can blame us for not trying.
We are in relationships with men who not only will never be satisfied, and they are willing to crush us trying to be satisfied.I love your perspective on your part of this journey. It gives me hope that I can dig out of this craziness.
Wow, jos–
That hit me. I needed that today. Today is my 15th wedding anniversary. I never dreamed I’d be spending it here, although now that I’ve been through what I’ve been through, here is the perfect place for me.
And your statement:
“The thing about love, is you have to love yourself to love anyone else. To have a respect and a center. Perhaps that’s why by the end I didnt love you anymore. Because i no longer loved the person I had become.”
is exactly what I needed to hear today.
Thank you for taking the time to write that today. Especially today.
Love,
Paula
Jos,
A very beautiful and very true post. Thank you and I’m so happy you found yourself again!
Love, NapJos,
I love your words. i am soaking them in this afternoon. Thank you for taking the time to share this.
Hugs to you!{{{{{{ {{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hi Jos,
thanks for sharing your insights and experience. I always gain from your posts.
I’m really happy that you have found a new way to “be with yourself”. And I’m glad your spiritual resources are supporting you in the daily call to love yourself. Your honesty in sharing the pain of your story is a real gift to all of us, but also the obvious joy and strength of finding the better way for you.
lots of light for your path,
D.xo
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