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Hi sweet sisters,
While it seems self-indulgent to start my own post about ME, I just wanted to say I’ve missed you all. I’ve been a bit “MIA” recently. Part of it has been mental. Sometimes the reality of SA becomes so overwhelming that a mental break is needed. I don’t think there’s a precedent on how to handle these things, but I would guess if a mental break is needed, then it’s A-ok. If there’s one place we don’t need to feel guilty, I guess it’s SOS. Thank God there are so many of us to fill in the gaps. On the other hand, how tragic it is that there are so many of us to fill in the gaps. 🙁
Also, life in general has kept me off the computer a bit: longer work hours, college stuff for my graduating-senior-son (yikes!), and busy weekends for my competition-dance daughter. I also REALLY need to catch up on stuff around that house that I’ve let go over the past many months.
Life with my husband is confusing. (What else is new?). As I began to detatch, it seems the more he moved towards me. (Ahhh…what else is new??). Is this just his normal recovery path, or a consequence of my actions? Who knows? (Although I suspect what the answer is). And how exhausting to constantly contemplate it. In the past couple of months, we’ve had some really good weeks. There are times when I’ve almost forgotten that he’s a SA. I guess it’s a mental vacation. I’m not sure yet whether that’s a healthy mental vacation or not. Probably not. But I’m not sure what the alternative is, except for physical separation. What I do know is what I need to keep first and foremost. is that there is no fairytale happy ending. Once you know this about the person you love, staying is hard. Leaving is hard. I guess trying to predict the future (as if we could) and figuring out which alternative will be hardest (crystal ball anyone??) is what keeps so many of us living in limbo-land.
Sometimes I feel so strong. Sometimes I feel so lost. Sometimes I feel like I’m doing so much better than a year ago. Sometimes I feel like I’m starting from scratch. One foot in front of the other, I guess…
Anyway, just wanted to let you all know that while I’ve been out of sight, you have not been out of mind. Love you all more than you could know. xoxo ZGReally good to see your post! Sounds like your senior-son and dancing daughter need you, and that they are filling your time with good things. The future can wait. Today is what matters.
Dear ZG,
Thank you for sharing with us. You sound very busy and I understand needing to take e break. I wish you all the best and really miss you too! You’re a really special sister.
Love, NapHealthy or not… a mental break from “remembering” they are an SA would be nice! I never forget though 🙁
Glad to hear things are going well!!!
Welcome back ZG! And thank you for your post. As different as we all are, I think that what you wrote sums it up for alot of us–at least those of us who are still with our SAs. Im happy that you have things to celebrate with your children! And glad that you took what was hopefully an energizing break.
I can appreciate how this site can be both draining and supportive. Sometimes, when I am having a good day I almost want to stay away–to keep the reality of this thing at bay. But Im here alot lately, since even the “good days” arent so good. Maybe the gravity and truth of this is sinking in a little.
Like you, I notice how there are so many of us, to fill in the gaps. And it makes me sad–new members all the time. Some of them dont post much. I really think about them…
I love the support and understanding I get here. And I love being able to tell someone else who is suffering that they arent alone. Im grateful for people like SL, Diane, March and Joann, whose noses are no longer being rubbed in SA, but who stay here. And for people like you and Kim, Nap, Deb, Annie, Pam, KMF (Karen), Heidi, Sharon, Liza, Anna, Shaken, Flora, Sunny, ForNow, Harmony, Lauren, Jos–I keep adding names because I dont want to leave anyone out. Im grateful for all these new friends. And for the ones who dont come here anymore like Lexie–who I really miss, though Pam is sounding very Lexie-ish these days. (yes Pam, that IS a compliment!) And Lynn–does anyone know how/where she is?
Anyway, sorry for the long post. I really just wanted to welcome you back and to say thank you, but it turned into something else.Hi ZG! So glad to hear from you! Since Bonnie pretty much stole my post 😉 , I’ll just write, ‘what she said’! Don’t stay away too long, though, I miss seeing your pretty face! Love, Liza
Dear ZG,
I think its just wonderful that you come and go as you need to. You’ve been really candid with us about your struggles, and we just want you to be good to yourself. We’re here when you need us, and I know that if I ever put the call out for help, you would come.
love you,
dHi zg!
So good to see your post!
U sound wonderfully grounded and sane!
Life in our house couldn’t be busier, but for me busy is good
we will be doing disclosure very soon, can I just say how sick I am dealing w all of this shit, therapy Appts to prepare for more therapy Appts and then finally disclosure. Bleck….
Anyway, keep on keeping on!!!
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