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24 hours of being alone in such a gloriously beautiful place. Easing into working at the somewhat, but not too bad, beat up vacation rental.
Starting to feel it as a home of the future. For now, I will prep her for the busy vacation season ahead. She will be nearly fully occupied from May through Sept with mostly 2-4 day stays. Some will stay 7 – 10 days. We will return for 3 weeks in Oct. to spiff her up once again for the winter holiday tourists.
I am on the edge of the wilderness. Cougar, bear, bobcats and coyotes are here and mostly keep to themselves. They cause me no problems. I am glad they are here.
Have a hot tub on the deck. 2 stories of windows frame the tall pines. While this house was built/created for a business for my brother mostly, I do have guilt for how lucky it appears I am.
Trying to quiet the inner guilt. This house is a rare one and yet it has been a nightmare. My mother drank, was violent. Drank, neglected and likely overdosed herself at 57. I stepped in after her death and had one heck of a mess to sort out. Had 3 small children and a career in another state. Recently divorced from H #1. Responsible for a schizophrenic brother that my mother did abuse and withhold mental health care from since his teen years.
So am I lucky? Has my life been carefree and luxuries given to me on a silver platter? No. But, really who needs to hear my sad story. I spare many. Others who are closer to me, I tell over and over – talk too much.
I usually just say…..It has been a lot of work – my parents died young. I was young, early 30s. I worked hard. Too hard. That’s enough for even many friends.
I have no siblings to help. The other brother we had was killed as a teen. The sadness goes on but I survived. I am doing pretty well and will be OK.
Just need to let that guilt go and be at peace.
There is overwhelming beauty here with a series of cascading waterfalls within 10 minutes of walking out the back door. The cascades go on for 4 miles and up almost 3,000 ft. The forest changes and is old growth. Stunning granite formations and clear pools of water.
Time to shower and prepare to clean outdoor furniture as the prep for staining/sealing. I will work in front of the soothing river rock fireplace.
In solidarity from the sierras,
DesireeWow Desiree your situation really moved me. I sometimes wonder as we probably all do, Where was God when you had to endure all of this? You are truly a heroine, a woman to be admired. You deserve this tranquility. May only the best be in store for you
Thanks Gail. I have had people tell me that it all “couldn’t of been that bad” because I do seem pretty normal (except when I really get to raging on SOS).
Somehow I had common sense, didn’t become an addict or an abuser and I grew up fast to become a overly responsible person. I am going to be fine and happy.
desiree, you are a poetic soul. i sincerely enjoyed reading your story, so much poignant beauty radiates from your words, right through the computer screen. i can’t say if you are lucky or not, but i bet every person in your life is because of you. xo
It sounds so beautiful there Desiree and you describe it so well. Don’t feel guilty. Life is full of twists and turns- some good, some bad. Those who come from chaotic families are always so busy waiting for the other shoe to drop that they forget to stop and smell the roses? You are there now and you need it so soak it in and let it heal you. Guilt is often a useless emotion .
Karen xxI am soaking the beauty of my surroundings in. Hiking every day at least for an hour often for several. Have been in the moment and happy here with sweet boyfriend. He is so consistently loving, caring and gentle.
Thanks for all the support!
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