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Hi Sharron and all,
Lets say for a moment that I flora was still in my relationship with the h.
And i would often post on here frantically hoping for support and confused as to what to do:
1. I LOVE my h and we LOVE each other.
2. But I Can’t get over his behavior.
3. I still have to monitor his behavior.
4. He still has slips with porn and i am frantic at trying to stop it all. I won;t go to the store with him anymore, mall, movies, dinner…can’t leave the house for fear that something or someone might be a trigger.
6. I still have monitoring software…to keep track of his every move.
7. The h holds all the power, financially and emotionally.
5. Can’t trust him, as he has lied so many times.
6. He objectifies his sister, his daughter, the neighbors, the cat(just kidding about the cat).
7. He has a personality disorder.
8. He plays games in therapy and in every day life.
7. I am happy that my h had not actually cheated on me with other human beings, however my relationship is still crap.
9. I still after a year am at the same spot i was one year ago. I am stuck.
10. Sometimes we are intimate and it is mind blowing, however the rest of the time…i am ignored, used, abused?
11. I have monitored all of his progress on recovery. Read his journals, spanish inquisition when he gets back from somewhere, therapy or 12 step.
12. In try to engage in his therapy and try to be his therapist.Now this really is not far from my reality for me last year.
What advice would you have for me Sharron and others?
How does this look on paper (screen) in summary form? What advice would there be? Keep in mind it has been one year.What would you say?
This was me last year.
But in the past year i have decided to focus on myself, make the changes necessary to remove the crazy. First was temporary removal from the house. Then i decided that i feels so much better with him gone and the crazy aspect gone, i wanted to make it permanent. Got a new job, kicked his ass to the curb….and i feel so much better. Do i still feel a twinge on pain when i see him, a loss for what was, do i wonder what could have been, do i worry i made the wrong choice..soemtimes. But those thoughts and days are farther and farther apart, and last shorter at each time. Its usually some kind of dramatic post on here, simialr to drunk dialing. its stupid, i know it. However that is my brain talking about ways to get back with him…despite the fact that he was no good for me. Its the fear of the unknown, and clinging to what we know and still hold dear. How much of this may be functioning in your rationale?But i left mine pain in the ass. Don’t regret it one bit.
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