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Hi all,
As most you know I am no longer with my SA h and we are in the middle of an interesting divorce. That will be my fourth book I write: “Divorce made Complicated for no Apparent Good Reason other than Somebodys Crazy and it’s Not Me”.Anyway, my question is: how does one emotionally remain detached while living with a SA. Seem like it would be easy to get sucked back into their web.
I’m just curious?
I wish I could be emotionally detached, but I realize its not so much from HIM, as much as it is… detaching from what he did and what our life wasn’t and what it’ll never be.
and it didn’t have to be that way…
so, I’m a mess, too often… a sad, sobby mess.
I thought I was doing a great job, but I ended up chasing him into our walk-in closet last night, crying and screaming. Maybe it was the comment he made about how I am going to ruin him financially for the rest of his life because of his “mistake.”
NAP and March,
I don’t know if you meant to, but you both made me laugh! thank you. I’m not laughing at your troubles, but NAP’s title is hilarious, and March, I just know how we end up doing crazy things because we are just “over the top” with it all. Once you got him in the closet, what exactly were you able to do? or did you run out of hangers?
love,
Diane.ZG
I think so too. Before I was thrown out I did try it for a while and I couldn’t do it either? I just don’t know how it can be done.
Love, napApparently my sah may need to get out of the closet. sorry couldnt resist!
Im trying to figure that very thing out, we live together and I am trying to stay emotionally detached, but it is hard. mostly its hard bc of the expectations I am placing on me to be in a better place with all of this, and on expectations I am placing on him and his ‘recovery’. I think it would be best if we did not llive together but financially not an option right now so he remains in the basement and me in our room co parenting the kids and trying to stay our of each others way for now.
When I try to bring myself into the moment, just today not thinking of what will happen in the future, what he did in the past, what he may do in the future it is def easier, but bc I need to work on a financial plan for exit keep having to get back into all of the above and brings me back to the crap Im trying to stay detached from. but the work must be done and once complete, I will try to get back more into me and what I want vs. what is best for everyone else under the sunI have so much to share on this subject NAP, as this is what I have done with Larry.
I’ll detail how I am managing in a separate post as I am just not in my best writing mood tonight.
Much love to all. ~ JoAnn
I’m waiting to hear too, how one becomes emotionally detached while living with an SA.
Many days I feel detached from the mess we live with, but then when I want to share something I’m excited about, I run to him and hope he shares the same excitement. I have other family and friends in my life who can share the excitement, but somehow it is more satisfying when my husband can share it too. What the heck?
JoAnn,
Can’t wait to hear your perspective when you are in the mood. This is a huge struggle and really came to a head this weekend, with me discussing the idea of a possible separation. To which my SA replied, “Well, what do you mean? Like 2 weeks?” I swear to God, sometimes he seems like he’s retarded.
(Also, haven’t forgotten about your phone call/video idea. Just go caught up in the new job routine. When it rains, it pours.)Love, Julie
Thank you JoAnn, whenever you feel like you can is great for us. I appreciate you sharing with us.
Love, Nap
ZG,
Your h makes me laugh. A 2 week separation ???
What did you say? They are all goobers!!!
Love, NapThey are retarded–emotionally. What do you expect, though, when they’re only using their smaller heads?
NAP, First I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. Then I realized I had a lot of work to do to explain it to him, which I tried to the best of my ability. And of course I almost stammered through the conversation because I was in such disbelief. We didn’t come to a definite conclusion, but it was interesting because he really looked like he was going into panic mode at the thought of it. Funny, he’s been stepping up to the plate in every which way since that conversation. Go figure.
Zg,
You must feel so good about your new job and also about telling you h how you feel. You are taking your power back instead of giving it away. How does that feel to you? I think you are doing great!
Love, Napit’s easy, NAP. I just keep myself in constant reminder of the details of what he did. he is back home now, sleeping in the fold-out in the baby’s room, while she sleeps in our big comfy bed with me. he is trying his DAMNEDEST–like he has never tried before–to be sweet, affectionate, concerned, warm, loving and i, quite frankly couldn’t give two shits.
Thanks, NAP. It feels pretty good, I have to say. I’m not living in fear of “what’s the worst that could happen?”, because it already happened.
Hi NAP,
Probably nothing good. He is a wackadoodle remember??
Maybe he got on new meds. anyway you know what the real him is. Maybe now that he is in a better mood, you will get that alimony. Hope court is tomorrow!!Maybe his fav. hooker came back from vacation.
Speaking of which, have i said that in the past?? Seems familiar. I think this is a cycle for him.
Love,
FloraHi NAP,
Probably nothing good. He is a wackadoodle remember??
Maybe he got on new meds. anyway you know what the real him is. Maybe now that he is in a better mood, you will get that alimony. Hope court is tomorrow!!Maybe his fav. hooker came back from vacation.
Speaking of which, have i said that in the past?? Seems familiar. I think this is a cycle for him.
Love,
FloraFlora you’re so right. Im not falling for it and his favorite hooker is probably back in town, Helga.
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