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I found in addition to a bunch of unattractive women just crotch shots and he never even saw their faces or bodies. And I can’t say these pictures were appealing at all and he met them for sex or ‘coffee’ as he referred to it on the internet.
I don’t think these guys love their wives at all. The CSATS tell the partners that they love them to rope them into the process but I don’t see in what dimension any of this is love. Hands up. Have many of you feel cherished by your husbands? Thats what I thought…..
As Chump Lady says, they love cake. They love having the home and the family and appearance of normalcy so they can pat themselves on the back about what normal, good guys they are.
Teri, ‘they love cake’ pretty much sums it up and Karen, I don’t think too many of us feel/felt ‘cherished’ by our husbands. In fact, quite the opposite, abused emotionally (and some physically). It’s all quite abusive.
Yeah, I can relate. Dan used to always congratulate himself about what a great “family man” he was. That he wasn’t like his friends,going out to bars and drinking and playing pool or going over to watch football. Nope, he was always happier here with his family. Uhhhhhhhh…..what about the fucking HOURS AND HOURS spent AWAY from us downloading and viewing PORN and whacking off you asshole wanker? Exactly what fucking dimension do you live in??? DELUSIONAL NARCISSISTIC LYING SELFISH PRICK.
Ditto, Monique. doc e also was a such a dedicated doc, too. Except how many times did he “go in to see a patient” and went to an orgy instead? And then add in all the time he went to fake 12 Step meetings, fake therapy, fake marriage counseling…And he calls me “controlling”. Whatever.
Shattered Dreams – Stick with that group of girlfriends and dump your SA. They never get better, they just get better at lying. The longer you stay with an SA the uglier you’ll feel. SA destroys everything it comes in contact with!
You nailed it Mary….the longer you stay with an sa, the uglier you’ll feel.
I’ve got 50 extra lbs to show as proof that it’s true.
Same with my H, Monique and Teri, about him being the family guy. I heard for yrs about what a great dad he was. Just ask him, he’ll tell you, even if it means throwing me under the bus while pointing out my mothering flaws. I finally popped his bubble by telling him good dads don’t torture the kids mom viewing porn and denying her sex so don’t give me that shit anymore. I haven’t heard it in MANY months.
Now since my eye surgeries, I’m the lucky one who gets to hear how he’s a better nurse than I am.
Yay me!!!!
Yes, it destroys so much it is sickening. My CSAT (female) who I see for the trauma of my life right now. Was just saying at our last session, how attractive I was, and how most of his whores were most likely inferior in every which way, even if they were half my age….how she always finds it amazing how the majority of partners of SAs, are very attractive, funny, smart, caring, and compassionate people.
I am just “stuck” right now. and I know I am. I am just doing what I can to get thru the holidays and I am not thinking too much farther than one day at a time.
I appreciate all your comments. I do hear you, and I know how awful this all is. 🙁Relationship with a pathological abusive liar ‘sexually addicted” partner is never, ever going to be in any way nourishing to our self image. Even if you can get him nailed down and completely sober, and he lies through his teeth about how he adores you for the rest of your life, you will always, always doubt him. With damn good reason.
Those women told it like it is. He is incapable of that. I’d take what they said and write it on a card and put it in my wallet and read it every day and NEVER comment about it to him.
I am sorry, he’s a jerk, and you’re a beautiful woman who doesn’t need his affirmation. Yes, that’s the part a husband plays in a normal relationship. Not this one. He obviously has no freaking idea what value or beauty is, anyway. He’s like a pig in a sty, any slop will do. You deserve better.
Yes, he told me most were hideous. I have seen some of them….they were. I told you how he admitted one even smelled like she had just taken a shit….got a BJ anyways and left. He says, it was about always more and different.
You can say different for fucking sure. I keep myself very clean, I take care of my body, my face, my hair, my nails….I never ever get told I look my age….ever. Yes, I am bragging, but I am just so fucking pissed. Love isn’t about looks anyways, we all age, we all grow older….looks fade. Its what is in your heart, your companionship, your friendship, your memories together….of family and life.
Someone to hold your hand or get your a cup of tea on a cold night.
Sad, sad……sad.I have read somewhere in my past when I first learned of this NIGHTMARE, some (and I think my xh did this at times) go on deliberate binges and have all the most disgusting gross perverted sex they can in order to get ‘turned off’ for a while. Kinda like a gambler who usually gambles $100 for
the night takes out $1000 and plays it all away in disgust so they will quit gambling. It might help in the short run but not in the long run. They start all over again.Shattered, I think part of their ‘illness’ or whatever the hell it is, is that they like to push the envelope to see just how sordid and gross they can make their life. My SA’s Craigslist girlfriend skank had a face like a boiled pudding, as my English mom used to say. But then there were the ‘crushes’ on young and beautiful Asian girls, and some sort of intrigue shit with two beautiful strippers he’d send money and flowers and Victoria’s Secret lingerie to. There just isn’t any rhyme or reason to their weirdness. Just know that you are so much better, and deserve so much better, than all his crazy-making crap. xoxo
The fact that all of this bullshit, drama and heart ache we endure causes US to need therapy REALLY pisses me off.
When I think about that one fact, I just want to take a gigantic plastic ball bat to my husband at times and commence to beating the holy bujeebers out of him!!
Yes, that makes sense. He fucked about 40. Or so he says….so add to that number I am certain. Most, that I have seen, and he admits too, are fairly hideous for their young ages. Likes sagging tits, more saggy than mine! cellulite all over the place and the faces of a back of truck (as my mom likes to say) Then there are a couple that are hot. I saw them, they are perfect in the body and face….and I cant compete with a 23 year old gorgeous girl, who has tight skin, and everything sitting in the right places. I had my time in the spotlight….that was me too back then….but I am at least 23 years OLDER than her and have had two of his babies. Fucking asshole.
There is no rhyme or reason….it is cunning and baffling and overall sucks.
BTW it is 4 years ago tonight, that Elin woods beat the shit out of Tiger. Good for her.Remember that they pay for the sex, none of these girls would do it for free, even if they aren’t hookers there is a pay off! We were all young once when I was 23 and everything was tighter and I fell in love with my young husband and I can tell you for certian that if my 40 year old husband today tried to pick me up when I was in my 20’s he have to pay me too.
LOL….agreed Kristen…..totally agree. When I was 23, I thought 40 was soooooo disgusting and old.
I had a guy expose himself to me when I was about 17 working in a store…..I was so traumatized and sickened.I actually don’t blame the hookers….they are fucked up too. Broken, drug addicted, lost, and probably dead inside. How else could you do that job? Plus, they don’t go after my husband…..he sought them out. Not their fault.
I totally blame him. 100 percent.Still hurts….
If your not part of the solution then your part of the problem! Im gonna keep thinking or reasons till its ok to still blame the hooker!
I don’t think you can blame the hookers, but you don’t have to like them.
I totally blame doc e, but I am not sure what I would do if I ran into one of his skanks. That’s one reason I have a hard time going out in public.
I am so glad that I found this website. I am filled with so much rage and anger towards my “husband”. I want him to give me the rings back that he wears as a show. I say they are just a show because he is religious and wants to pretend that everything is okay. This “religious” man has decided to open a bar and after struggling for three years in this marriage, I have had enough. He has lied to me so much that I do not believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He is so into himself it is enraging. Last night while I was home with our sick baby, a picture of him was posted on facebook hugging a former coworker. I find this so humiliating. I am enraged! I am filing for divorce this week. I am sick of feeling bad about myself. I am done. I have never felt so angry in my whole life. This is not the first time that a picture like this was posted on facebook. The year we got married one of our “friends” posted a picture of him being kissed by two of his other friends on the cheek on his facebook page. My skin feels like it is on fire becuase I am so angry. He also has a former lover visiting him on a regular basis at the new bar. Of course he never talks to her. Yeah BULL S%$#@. My skin is crawling with rage right now. I need to get a break from his illness. I need to move out and find some peace for myself and the kids. I am so depressed that my house is a disaster and I can barely keep myself together to get to work. Has anyone left and felt better? I do not want to end hurting myself because of the humiliation that I feel about this whole situation. He always says I am overreacting. I say, I have stayed way too long.
I didn’t leave my home. The kids and I stayed and I kicked him out ( twice).
I let him return when he had spent 2 weeks at ISH ( Dr.Omar Minwalla)
I can’t tell by your post if your H is a sex addict or just a general assshole but either way ( its all bout the same) why don’t you throw him out and get some peace for yourself ???
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