Karen’s List

I am very sorry that you husband has turned out to be one really sick individual. Based on what I know I would suggest:

1) accept the fact right now that this is NOT going away-ever. It just doesn’t work that way- that they get therapy and they get better. He will never be better. The most you can hope for is he may be contained- as in the sexual behaviour might stop- the asshole behaviour- not so much.
2) instead of wasting time reading about his sexploits, spend your time gathering EVERY scrap of paper that you can about your finances and where he may have money hidden. Make sure you understand his salary, benefits, life insurance, copies of his tax returns, bank accounts and all important documents. Find them all, copy them all and keep the copies out of the house with a trusted friend. Do NOT let him become aware of what you are doing.
3) find a good lawyer and have a consult to see where you stand
4) find a therapist who understands abuse and trauma- avoid all who believe in co-sexaddiction.
5) if you don’t have any resources contact your local women’s shelter and ask for advice
6) don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth
7) begin to ponder and reflect on the possibles reasons you might have for wanting to be with a man who has sex with other men and treats his hookers better than he treats you. If the reasons are practical ones like money and kids- try to look for options. If the reasons are emotional like you think you love him- address that in therapy, books, journalling, talking to a trusted person.
8) be tested for all STD immediately
9) keep reading here

Hang in there. It seems it will kill you but it will not. Karen xx
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