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I’m seeing an attorney tomorrow for an initial consultation, as I have a week to sign the divorce papers and contest a-hole’s terms. I’m a mess. Tried to prepare yesterday while he was at work, but I was exhausted and nauseous and distracted so I didn’t get much done . . . what else is new.
Any advice on what to take (besides the divorce papers) and what sort of bullet points to hit? I know the appointment will fly by and I won’t have the luxury of telling my entire life story.
I’ll be home briefly between work and the consultation to check in here, but unfortunately will be too pressed for time to converse with y’all.
Any and all suggestions are welcome. Oh, and prayers too. Love you all!
Janet, I don’t have any advice per se, but just wanted to let you know I’ll be thinking of you and sending you strength. Good luck! Love, Liza
Janet,
First, you contest the term and the Lawyer fill out and files your response for you by the response date. I think these things are important to tell him/her.
*how many yrs married
*children and their ages
*his income and profession
*your income and profession
*est value of marital assets
*est amount of marital debt
*marital property
* separate property (acquired prior to marriage or inherited property or money you want to protect
*life insurance you both may have
*medical insurance you have
*any diagnosed disabilities or illnesses
*summary of why the marriage is ending
*any extenuating circumstances which are relevant
*are you living separately (separated) and if so for how long
*both your ages
*if you have not worked or have worked PT for how longJanet so sorry you are going through this. These are questions they may ask to get a picture of your marriage. Do you live in a no fault state? Also you need to know if you live in a community property state.
Will be thinking of you! Love, Nap
Hi Janet. Take a deep breath…you will be fine. Nap’s list is a good one. Yes, take the papers. Have some idea what you want/need in terms of temporary support, restraining orders against liquidating assets, closing accounts, etc., sole occupancy of the residence, and custody if that’s an issue. Remember that you are new to this but your attorney is not and he/she will be able to walk you through what you need to do next. I’ll be thinking about you and sending you strength and comfort.
Love,
Daisyjanet,
you are smart to ask for a list to prepare!
if i was to have any advice, i would say focus on the practical issues and the numbers and try as much as possible to stay calm…. i’ve seen three lawyers now, and the hardest part for me was getting emotional about the reason for my visit. it just seems so bizarre telling the story.
the third lawyer i saw, is friends with a friend of mine who is a lawyer. she already knew the sordid tale, because my friend had told her. so when i saw her i didn’t feel the need to tell my story as much and i didn’t get as emotional. it made it much easier to focus on the facts, and the law, which of course is what a consultation with a lawyer is about.
all the same, i was quite overwhelmed with details by the end of the hour… breathe deeply in the consolation and don’t hesitate to take a minute or two to collect yourself if you need to.
hope that is helpful..
sending you love and strength,
lisa
Just some advice, what do you want to see happen? If you have a vision of your future or how you want this to go ,your lawyer can see if too!
When I took the stand to defend my children from their Father who was addictive to child porn my Mom said,”remember all the people who love you past and present and bring those loving thoughts to the room for courage”.
So remember we are with you through these difficult gut wrenching times. You are a strong person and will get through this.
Thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers
Marina
And bring a pad and pen so u can write down points so you don’t forget later on. When we are anxious we miss details.
Best of luck Janet and sending courage. Karen xxWhenever you feel overwhelmed just remember, you have an entire tribe of Sisters standing behind you and sending you love and support.
We’ve got your back.
Remember that when you feel that overwhelming sense of fear.
We’ve got your back.
Love and strength coming your way all day today. ~JoAnn
I`m so sorry Janet. I cried thru my first attorney meeting and I was just going to see about my options.
OK, enough nice talk. This is no time for tears and coddling. The lawyer will know what to ask have everything ready that you can ( Nap`s list). Remember, he/she works for you. Take a deep breath and picture us all there with you. Take notes and ask questions.
Let us know how it goes and when it`s over we will be here to help you thru it. I`ll be thinking of you. You can do this.
Janet- you are in Texas if I remember. Texas is an at-fault state for abuse and adultery. Take any evidence you have.
I don’t see how you only have a week to sign papers? He just filed, right? So now you do a response to his petition for divorce.
Not much else is done other than filling out paperwork until you mediate temporary orders- at which time they’ll figure out maintenance (finances), who gets the house/car for now, insurance, etc.
You will probably get a big bunch of papers to start filling out all that info that NAP mentions. Do you best and you can always add info if you don’t have it or you forget something at this point.
Like Daisy says, have some idea about what you want/need.
Good luck, Janet. The first time I went to an attorney, I was an emotional wreck. Good family attorneys understand how hard this is.
Hi Janet,
I don’t have much to add except that we really are all supporting you today. YOu have our energy with you. We understand. We will support you when say what you need.Don’t try and hide all the upset though. Lawyers need to know how affected you are, and how they can help you. Stop and breathe and ask for a moment. Explain you have PTSD and it makes it hard for you to hang on to your thoughts, especially on this topic, but that you have some coping skills now and you will get there.
YOu are going to be okay. It’s hard for sure, but you will make it. I did. NAP did. and so will you. If it helps take a list of our names and hold it in your hand. We are a very powerful group, energetically, and its all yours today.
love, and hugs,
Diane.I have just a few minutes, as my appointment is later than I thought — but the clock is ticking!
I ready this thread before work and caught up on it just now. All of your advice and support helps more than you realize.
A-hole originally filed on August 31 and gave me the papers himself on September 8 — waived having me served out of consideration — yeah right.
I still had some time left (the 61-day thing) when he had me officially served at home on October 12. I guess he got impatient . . . so much for consideration. That gave me until November 5 to sign. It was actually stupid on his part, giving me a few extra days and pushing me into action. He thought I’d sit back and do nothing, which would have been to his advantage. If that had happened (theoretically, not that I would have let it) he could have gotten his uncontested 50/50 uh, tomorrow. Not gonna happen now.
I’m not retaining the attorney today. I have financial resources, but not at my disposal just yet. I’ll give Jerkoff the papers myself (probably over the weekend) with the statement that I never WANTED to do this, but he gave me no choice. It’s up to him as to how ugly he wants this to get.
Teri, I have no proof of adultery and I don’t think any has technically taken place, at least not with CowPatty. I have no idea whether he’s hooked up with strangers. I’m definitely wanting to go with the mental/emotional cruelty angle. He’s certainly put me through enough hell the past year. If life with me were as awful as he claims it is to his friends (which believe me, it isn’t), he could have left at any time. But he didn’t want to get a job so he mooched off my salary and his unemployment, which I think is a HUGE factor. Add to that my chronic medical issues that he has little sympathy for — I’ve heard that could heavily weigh in my favor as well.
Again, thank you all, and I’ll try to give an update soon.
(((SISTER HUGS)))
Janet,
If you have anything that even suggests that there may have been adultery- emails, texts, anything- take it.
Good job Janet!! I am proud of you.
Now, hard stuff, he has definitely been unfaithful or he would not be seeking a divorce from his source of steady income. He probably fancies himself “in love”. You can pretty much bet on that. You could probably use some proof…depends on what your attorney says. I bet it would be easy to get at this point.
Stay strong…
Janet, if you have anything that even suggests an affair, your attorney can subpoena his phone or his computer. You can put CowPatty or whoever else on your witness list and have her deposed. Whatever you got to make him squirm, start using it.
I consulted an attorney and he said he can deposition my H and specifically ask him questions about wether or not he went to a massage parlor or if he new person X and how, etc. to get HIM (under oath) to admit to what he has done. Not sure if this helps. Thinking of you and hoping you feel better after talking to your attorney.
That’s true, Georgiagirl. And during deposition, the lawyers can ask anything and you have to answer. No “I object”. And the other person gets to be in the room
We have ours schedules for right after Thanksgiving. I am pretty much scared to death about it.
Sending prayers for strength and clarity for you Janet! Great advice from the sisters, I’ve not been through all that, yet. Just keeping you in my heart and waiting to hear how it went.
I’m okay, but extremely exhausted.
I’m off to work in a few. After that I’m going to the courthouse to file the response — contested. Then I’m going straight here:
http://www.shoreline.net/shine-2012
Also will attend Shine after work tomorrow night, and on Saturday morning. It might be a while before I can catch y’all up on things, but the visit with the attorney was good.
Fucktard still thinks I won’t do anything, and that he’s going to go and get an uncontested divorce next Friday. Unbelievable!
Love and hugs to all of you.
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