Last minute advice needed

Thank you all so much for your love and concern — yes, I know I deserve so much better. “Marry well” — didn’t we all think we *were* marrying well at the time?

He’s going to be surprised regardless . . . but I don’t know that I could make it through the week emotionally knowing what he’s thinking he’s going to do on Friday.

Today was another one of those exhausted, sleep deprived, nauseous mornings. I stayed home from work.

I just found this in his e-mail:

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From CowPatty late last night ~

Hi Jack,
I remember tomorrow is the day you were going to finalize your divorce. Since I didn’t hear from you today I was wondering if that was on your mind.
I also realize you only get one day a week to get
things done, then head back to your long workdays.
I painted some, did a little cooking and reading.
Hope your coming week goes well.
Patty

His response, before he left for work early this morning ~

Good morning Patty,

Yes, by law I can finalize my divorce, but we’re shooting until this Wednesday with the following day to wrap things up. I’ve got my “default divorce” paperwork and will go this Friday at 8 AM to get on the docket. I was told over the phone at the county law library that the process is fast for no fault divorces with no children. Yay!

I’ve not stopped for a minute it seems. I was at work Saturday morning and my mother-in-law called me to tell me that she thought we should come up on Sunday to see my father-in-law for possibly the last time. We spent half the day late into the evening just visiting. He’s a heart patient and has congestive heart failure now. He say’s he’s tired and is “ready to go.” They’ve been good in-laws to me.

Thank you for thinking of me. I’m exhausted and thought about you and how you spent your Sunday. My feeling was that you relaxed and that’s what you said in your email. That sounds soooo good. I need some relaxation. I will give you a call tonight on my way from work which should be in the 8-8:30 PM range.

Hugs and be well,
Just me. 🙂

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I know it’s difficult to believe, but we actually get along just fine 99% of the time. That’s what he doesn’t tell anyone, though he admits it to me. That’s the tragedy of it all . . . and the depth of his sickness. He’s led his family, his girlfriends, and his guy friends to believe that living with me is sheer hell because I have XYZ personality disorder(s). He’s a psychologist now, you know. Talk about your classic projection. It would be laughable if it weren’t so pathetic.

In his mind, my family could be planning a funeral any day now. Never mind the emotional impact that this is causing my mom, my brothers and me. Never mind that my parents have treated him like their own son. Never mind that he’s even admitted to others that my dad has been a better father to him than his own — whom he hasn’t spoken to in three years, because he himself was a lying, cheating, womanizing porn addict who hurt his mom terribly.

All he cares about is getting his fucking no-fault (NOT) divorce. “Yay!”

He’s throwing everything away to pursue this woman who doesn’t even want him. I’m not delusional — believe me, I’ve seen enough e-mails and texts between them to know whether she does or not, and it ain’t there. He’s operating under the impression that as soon as he’s divorced, she’s going to come running into his arms, and they’re going to live happily ever after in some sort of romantic fantasy. Wonder what she’d think if she knew that he was browsing profiles of swingers in Prescott and Tempe at the same time he was looking for a flight to go and visit her?

He just called me, and I did a lot of crying. I said nothing about the papers, so I still have the same dilemma about when to tell him. It occurred to me to leave them by his wretched laptop when I go out this evening, but I hate to do anything so cowardly. Would it be just as cowardly to tell him over the phone — before he calls his precious CowPatty this evening? He’s going to call me again around 5:30.

There’s a chance I’ll be home before him, but either way, it will be late. It’s going to be a long night, and a long week.

He really shouldn’t be too surprised. I’ve told him all along (though not lately) that I will contest his terms, because after the hell he’s put me through the past year (and this AFTER letting his porn addiction wreck our marriage already) he does NOT deserve 50% of the house — our main asset and my main concern.

I wish I could say, “My dad could be dying, and all you care about is your fucking divorce,” but the fact is, he’s barely even said the word to me since having the papers served. I don’t want him to know I have access to his e-mail. People tell me not to read it because it upsets me, but I have to keep up with it in order to stay a step ahead of him. And although I might not be able to use some of what I’m gathering legally, I can sure use his words against him on a personal level. Plus those of the people he writes to . . .

Thanks again, ladies, and I’ll take everything you’ve said to heart.

Liza, I’ve probably shown way more restraint than I should have, but it’s been a day at a time sort of thing. If I had a crystal ball, I’d have told him to leave a year ago. Or if he’d just told me back then that he was in love with another woman, I’d have told him to leave. Why didn’t he? Because she doesn’t feel the same way about him.

Nap, I don’t know how strong I am, but I’m trying. No, he isn’t violent and I’m not worried about my physical safety. On the other hand, he’s allowed people to think that I would “do something” to him. It’s ludicrous. I’d like to see him suffer, naturally, but I’ve never had the inclination to physically harm a hair on his bald little head.

It’s tempting, Teri.

I haven’t thrown him out yet mainly because I’m trying to get as much of his pay as I can while he’s actually working, and because he’s supposed to fix my crappy old car. It’s up for inspection this month and has barely passed in the last two years because of an oil leak. Funny, he always said it needed to go to a mechanic, and all of a sudden he says he’s capable of getting to the leak. He was just about to start on it a few weeks ago when he got a call for work on a TV show, and then got hired on a movie. If push comes to shove, I can take the car to a shop, put the repair on a credit card (though I’d hate to get gouged), and then he’d have to pay for it.

If things get ugly I’ll tell him to leave. If we can be civil he can stay a little longer, especially if he’s still working in Austin. If his work here ends, he can go and live with Mommie Dearest in Corpus Christi. She wants her little monkey there to be her live-in handyman, anyway. Never mind that she’ll drive him crazy in about three days. That’ll be HIS problem.

There’s nothing to be served. Jack had told me that I had to sign the papers in front of a notary, and the attorney said no . . . you need to go to the courthouse yourself and file them.

Turns out that the notary thing is only for the NO FAULT form. Wishful thinking on his part.

I signed a General Denial. The signature area states: “I swear that I gave a true copy of this document to Petitioner or Petitioner’s attorney (if Petitioner has an attorney) in person, by fax, or by certified mail, return receipt requested.”

Obviously at the time I signed — in front of the clerk at the courthouse — I hadn’t given DA a copy. But because of the wording, I feel that I should, ASAP. If he were to find out at the courthouse, they could say I legally signed a document stating I gave him a copy. The attorney said that he’s supposed to sign it upon receipt, but there actually isn’t a place designated for him to sign. So, in person or certified mail? Maybe both.

When DA called the law library about his default divorce paperwork, he was wasting his time. Maybe he should have called the courthouse first to see whether I’d filed my response, instead of ASSuming I’d just let it go. He actually thinks that I won’t do anything because (a) I’m busy with work and worried about my parents and (b) I’m a procrastinator. Procrastinate THIS? It’s only my life, my home, money. Seriously, dude?

One of my co-workers says that all the years of porn use have messed up his mind. She might just be correct.

You said it, Diane! She uses him to feed her sorry ego . . .

As suspected, he called her at 8:45 last night and talked for 35 minutes, right up until he called me from the store. Moron SOB.

He’s in bed watching the news. I’m off to work. Will leave the papers by his computer so he can go back to sleep.

Thanks, ladies.