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To the sisters,
as 2012 ends, i just want to say to all of you that i am thankful for all of you being here for the hardest year of my life. i have been through some intense and traumatic stuff before, but nothing like this year. thank you to every sister who took the time to reach out and respond, even when i seemed crazy and dysfunctional and like i was not even acting in my own best interest. you have all literally been a godsend.
i am glad to leave this year behind, though i don’t know what 2013 holds yet. but i still feel raging sadness and emptiness at times. i know that whatever potential 2013 holds depends on me doing some hard work.
a few lessons from this year that i am taking away to guide me in 2013:
1) if you need to consult with a book or a therapist to decide whether it’s right to tell your partner that you’re getting your dick sucked and/or screwing around on the regular… YOU ARE FUCKED UP.
2) if it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
3) partners with good intentions don’t need a fucking list or contract of fucking agreements and boundaries to operate with integrity and love.And this quote i recently found that i wanted to share:
“If it’s meant for you, you won’t have to beg for it. You will never have to sacrifice your dignity for your destiny.”sisters, what are your lessons and wisdom from 2012? please share. enlighten us.
I think it takes a lot of courage to step in and love yourself when the husband goes AWOL or has been all along. We may cast about looking for another way, but it is the only way to face your future and begin to shape it. I have learned that this is how it should be whether you have a partner or not, and I think a lot of us handed the whole job of love over to others, who did it badly or not at all. It’s our job to love ourselves, first, and its their privilege to love us, second.
” 3) partners with good intentions don’t need a fucking list or contract of fucking agreements and boundaries to operate with integrity and love. “
AMEN Sister.
Oh, Diane, love that. “It’s our job to love ourselves, first, and its their privilege to love us, second.” YES!
Artemis,
I felt the same as your item #3 when I was at the end of our polygraph, which had to be done three times before he actually did pass, and the examiner shook my husband’s hand and patted him on the back and said “Congratulations, you passed!” I honestly thought he was going to give him a damn cigar. There is no dignity in having to have your husband strapped to a contraption and questioned by an FBI professional as to whether he slept with other women.
I learned that my dignity was in not walking that scripted “recovery” path any more.
I will take from my first few days in the sisterhood, a wealth of strength and wisdom, which has already helped me to become stronger as an individual.
Diane- ‘I think a lot of us handed the whole job of love over to others, who did it badly or not at all.’- this rang so true for me. I realised that because I did not love myself enough, I allowed any form of loving to come in to my life, and consequently would tolerate anything to maintain that love.
Happy New year everyone- I can see us all marching together towards this brave new world we dream of.
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