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This was a letter my SA wrote me 2 years ago, after I threw him out for the FIRST time. Keep in mind. Sex Addict was never even part of my vocabulary at that time – only a cheating selfish asshole. Needless to say… I let him come back 2-3 months later and have suffered countless more let downs and indiscretions. Including HIM leaving me last summer, he moved home about 7 months ago. What a joke they all are. After the REAL discovery in May that what he was , was far worse than a cheater/womanizer , I never did receive another “letter”. Guess you have to throw them out if you want them to beg. Still hearing it all, along with the promises, but less and less now.
Kelly,
Nothing that I can say can undo the things that I have done. I know this. I have treated you like shit for our entire relationship. I am disgusted with the person that I am, you have always given me chances and seen the potential in me. I have done nothing but take advantage and let you and everyone around me down. I am a giant fucking failure. I am sorry for making you doubt the person that you are. You are a gorgeous, smart, wonderful woman and should never feel that you aren’t.I don’t know why I never made the changes in my life over these past 8 years that we needed for our relationship. You’ve given me chance after chance after chance to make them. I always told myself that it was your fault for treating me how you did and that what i was doing was justified. I never thought about how it made you feel. And for that, I am very truly sorry.
I know that you have a lot of hatred towards me. I honestly don’t know how you have been so open with me these past weeks. You are a much better person than I. I understand that you have to work thru your feelings of anger towards me. I have been excited about our weekend that we spent together and the talks that we have had. I look forward to them every minute of every day. I think that you have had some good feelings lately as well. I don’t know why all of a sudden I want to make the changes in my life that I am. The important thing is that they are happening. I wish I had a better explanation for you, but i don’t. I want you to be the one for me, but if me telling you this and working for this is causing you too much pain, I will stop. I will have to live with it the rest of my life. One more giant fuck up in my life. Regardless of how we end up, I will be a better man because of you. For that, I am forever in your debt.
I hope that someday we can wake up next to each other again. I know that you have feelings for me, and if someday you can find a way to forgive, I promise to make you forget. I want to be that man that you’ve always known I could be. I am sick that I am just now figuring it out. I do not want to cause you any more pain than I already have. If you want me to go away and we just be parents together, I will be devastated, but will honor your wishes. If you need me to back off some, so you can see other people, I will wait for you. If you need to yell, punch, hug, kiss, chat, text me, everyday I will be here for you. I love you Kelly and will always be here for you.
Love, B
Of course just this may when digging and digging thru old phone bills and looking for the real truth I found that even while he was trying to WIN me back, he was fucking others. I received flowers daily, postcards of love and family pics in the mail DAILY, for a month back then. He wanted me. But he still had to fuck others.
Pure evil.
HAHA here’s another one from … wow, BEFORE our second child was born, so let’s say 2005. Sound familiar????
Where do I begin… There is so much that I want to say, but I can’t quite find the words. I can’t imagine the amount of hurt that I have caused you. I hate myself because of that. But, even after everything that I have done, you are still open to the idea of us having a life together. You have shown me so much love and understanding over the past few months that I do not deserve. You are a much better person than I am and I am lucky to have you in my life. You are such a wonderful mother to our son and I love you so much for that. I want so much for us to have a happy family. It will be so much fun to watch Jackson grow up.
But, I also want to watch us grow as a couple. I know that we’ve had our ups and downs (not a whole lot of in betweens), but I am POSITIVE that you are the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know that we have a long road ahead of us, but I am going to do my best to get us there. I’ve been thinking about my life, our life and our family a lot lately. I am so ashamed of myself and my actions, and I am so proud of you and blown away by your compassion.
I don’t deserve you, but I am going to do everything that I can to keep you as my better half. I hope that we can spend more time together this year. I know in my heart that we can make it.
I love you, B
Sounds awfully familiar, eh? Yeah, blown away by my compassion, what he wanted to say was.. blown away by my stupidy. what a loser.
IN MY DEFENSE… when he and I met, he was only 24 – me 30. (we are now 34 and 40, time flies when your having this much fun!) I always believed he was just young, immature, late bloomer, whatever. That he would get his shit together for the kids at least. I gave him SO MANY EXCUSES. I feed them right into his mouth.
jos1972 , there’s a playbook out there for SA’s. lmao. plus, now reading it, sounds so stupid. i’m laughing. then, i was touched. i suppose thats why he wouldn’t bother with a letter this time. He knows its run its course. Nothing else he can say.
SOT, 3 months has always been about how long he has been able to stand it and be good. 3 months. smh
Oh, he’ll send something. He’s probably just still out there getting opinions and stuff from other guys who’ve had to dig their way out of this pile of shit. I swear there are websites for how to handle your wife when she finds out, their letters and actions are too frigging similar. I hear all the time “that’s not how you are supposed to respond to…”
Says who? I get it now, this is a script just like the rest of their fuc*ing fake lives. We’re just bit players.
I’m sorry, I am really jaded and bitter and so tired of the crap. But he’s too classic, just too classic. I’ve seen those letters, too. The road to hell is paved with apologies with these guys. And yes, I’ve pieced the history together enough to know his apologies were all through continuation of his relationships with whores. Heartfelt and miserable and making appointments on the same damn schedule.
So sorry, it’s disgusting to know what we know.
God, these guys are like clones. I still get letters like that, and while I don’t think he’s off hooker-porking, your letter is a wake-up call for me that I can’t assume anything, even after two years.
I love the chicken.
I had a pink cut-out paper heart like a kid would make that said, “I love you and I will never leave you.” He left out the “I will never screw around on you and treat you like shit” part.
EEWWwwwwww! I have a cut-out heart like that, too, Teri!!!!
I swear they must have a guide book. If I didn’t loathe the whole subject so much, I’d devote myself to finding it a publishing it for the sisters, and potential sisters, to read.
Kelly, would respond properly but your MFPOS SA used ALL the “I’s”. (By my count, 45 X – letter #1, 27 X – letter #2).
anniem… a chicken??? do share.
NAP, you’re the lucky one.
Teri, you should take a pic of that heart and post it. we should all take pics of the stupid shit they did and post it.
Liza… EYE get it. All about them.
Bev… I would like to know your full story (well actually I wish everyone had there FULL story in their profile). I have a feeling you have been at that point that I had reached (until my real discovery a couple months ago), where you can’t even make tears anymore. Tough, thick skinned, nobody will hurt you. That was me for the last few years, until this… but I bounce back quickly. Cry once, move on. Figure out what’s next. Fuck him.
Kelly: you can click on my profile pic to check out the glorious Chicken of Shame. It’s a sight to behold…
Kelly, I think you can pull up my story using the search tool under “bev’s story”. It was posted by JoAnn. It makes me cringe to think about it.
I have been married 20 years and have 2 kids. I loved him. I found all the gory details in February of 2012. I had NO clue. I was beyond devastated.
The only reason I made him go to Minwalla was for the sake of my children. I still ( and always will) grieve the man I thought I married. I love that man with all my heart. Pity he doesn’t exist…..
We get dealt a bad hand. We do the best we can with it.
NAP, I’ll split mine with you. I found them the other night; from 2 years ago. These from the man who is now doing everything to destroy me. Go figure.
I just have to chime in. I have three of the same letters – ok – one is a card – but they say the same things and they were a decade apart. I also have emails. Bottom line. Forget what they say, forget what they write and pay close attention to what they do. Their actions are all that matter at this point in the game.
Lynn, too funny- they are in so many ways the same.
I wish I had that heart now to post! I stuck it on the suitcase I left for him on the front porch when I kicked him out. I can post a pic of the $5 socks from Walgreen’s he gave me for Christmas. He made a big to-do about it in front of his family (when the kids went the forced Christmas trip to Austin). “What a generous guy I am- I even got her a Xmas present! See kids!” (no, he didn’t really say that, but he might as well of). It’s all a big show for them. It sure ain’t for real.
NAP, I didn’t get letters either. Just a whole lot of defensiveness- as in, yeah I screwed up but you need to take responsibility for it, too. And how he didn’t really do anything wrong bc it’s just porn or he was too drunk to get it up or the condoms were for when he was with me (he’d had a vasectomy) or… He would have had to admit he did something wrong to actually write an email or letter like that!
Lol Jenny.. that’s a chicken? I thought it was a bowling ball gone horribly wrong. Oh man, you’re right.. you win hands down. And lol at Lynn’s Mastercard and Teri’s socks.. Ya gotta love this place. 🙂 xoxo
Part of one letter in the last two days. Let me see if I can find the other. I may have deleted it. Here goes: “I know my words have no value independent of action. I wish to again thank you for being here, talking to me, trying to help me. I hope your anxiety and your skeptical vigilant observations of me and my behavior are not draining for you today. I remain grateful for the short time of clarity I have had and hope that I can continue with a motivation born from within rather than imposed upon me from the outside. “
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