Looking back to when you first met or married what was it that made you first say ”Oh shit” or ”WTF”

I never once thought “Oh Shit” until I was 9 months pregnant with my daughter and it was Valentine’s day ( she was born on the 26). You can imagine what I looked like. He gave me some “skinny” clothes for valentines Day. Like, what idiot thinks I needed that pressure? I should have walked right then. I just cried, threw the clothes in the trash and yelled at him……

Before we got married I lived in a duplex. We got engaged and started planning our wedding together. One day I was talking to him in the bedroom while I was making the bed and said something like “so what do you think?”. He didn’t answer so I turned around and he wasn’t in the room. He was standing in the hallway in a trance looking out a window about 10 feet from where he was standing. Just that long trance stare. I’d never seen anyone look this way. I said “What are you looking at?”. It didn’t phase him. He didn’t answer me and kept staring this trance like stare. So I walked over to the window and outside was the girl who lived on the other side of the duplex in a bikini washing her car. She was ‘a petite brunette with firm rather large breast”. She was very very attractive. I turned around and said ” Were engaged and your staring at another girl right in front of me!!!”. I was pissed and he knew it. He said “well she is pretty cute”. I bitched him out and went back to some chore I was doing. I noticed after 10 min he was no where to be found and I looked out the window and he was outside ‘talking’ to her while she was washing her car. I couldn’t believe it he was smiling and laughing. I called him in the house and said “what the hell?”. He just walked away and said nothing. If that wasn’t a BIG RED FLAG I must have been desperate to get married. Shit!

My WTF moment is based on an “Oh Shit” moment of my H’s. When I suspected he was having an affair I said to him “You know, if you divorce me you get to keep “custody” of your crazy mother while I walk away, right?!” He looked at me like a deer in the headlights of a Mack truck! I think until I said that he had this absurd fantasy that he and his girlfriend would ride off into the sunset totally unencumbered by family or bills or anything real. And I was thinking WTF – you don’t get to walk away, you still have responsibilities.

Mine happened the night we got married in The Marshall House Hotel in Savannah, GA. After taking a ghost walk tour that evening, we stopped in the hotel bar where some skanky barfly type sat down within his line of vision. And the back and forth looks began – between them, not us! I asked if he’d like me to leave so the two lovebirds — them — could be alone. ON MY WEDDING NIGHT — WTF!

Onward and upward because in two week, the divorce should be final. I just can’t believe it’s happening so fast after all these years of neglect, pain and anger.

Just *poof* in a couple weeks.

That’s weird, Victoria. Looking back on it, I remember having the same kind of feeling the first time I was in a deserted place with my guy. I forgot all about that until I read your post. I remember now, though, wondering if I ever felt like that with any other guy I ever went out in the middle of nowhere with (like friends, to go hiking), and shrugging it off. Maybe I shouldn’t have.

It would have been easier on me if he had just been some psycho killer, that’s for damn sure.

Bev:

What a fucking asshole. You weren’t a dummy. You were in love and trying to understand behavior that flew in the face of everything logical and reasonable. Behavior that contradicted everything you ever learned about love and intimacy.

What kind of a jackass thinks his newlywed wife wants to watch half-naked sluts at a bar on her honeymoon?

Why do they hurt us so freely? I mean, why does it come so easily to them?

Movin_On, thank God it will be final soon. These stories are heart-wrenching. Horrible. My first WTF moment came three years before discovery and two years into his sexual deviance. My husband kept writing out very detailed fantasies for me to act out. Everything was very specifically scripted. There was no room for me, my creativity, my spirit, in any of these skits. I refused five different scripts before
he gave up. I remember thinking he must be crazy or something. This was my first indication. I’d been with him for 33 years.

Ewww. That’s just creepy, Penny.

Maybe you should have given him a script of your own. Start with cooking dinner, doing the dishes, taking out the trash…

How does a man just start being a deviant after 33 years? What the hell are they doing before they start being perverts? I know I’m probably in the minority for saying this, but I really wish I understood better what goes on in the mind of a man who can act in the ways we’ve all experienced.

My first real WTF moment was when we were married 2 weeks and had just moved to a new city and he said, “I don’t know how to introduce you to people.” I thought he was joking and I joked back that maybe he could just say, “This is my wife, Courtney” or something else as wildly creative. He just looked uncomfortable and shrugged. When I asked him what was going on, he said,” well, it’s just that it’s difficult, you know.” I didn’t know, actually.

OMG Deborah!

Anony, he was the guy who cooked the dinner, did the dishes, took out the trash. For five years, he’d compartmentalize his prostitutes from his family. He’d come home, mop the kitchen floor, deal with the pool, the yard, be an amazing handyman and successful bread winner, and fuck prostitutes on the side. It all started with boredom, then porn viewing, then ads for strip clubs (went twice), then pop-up ads for escorts (many, many times). He went very occasionally for the first two and a half years. Then went nuts for the last two and a half years. He used to be a very good lover. We were very in love, very intimate for years. 13 years ago, 23 years into our relationship, he had some really terrible things happen to him employment wise. He buried his anger. Then he started burying joy, etc. You can’t select what emotions you want to bury. You wind up burying them all. Over the 13 year period, he began to distance himself emotionally from the family, the kids and me. He is in recovery and beginning to feel emotions again, both good emotions and bad ones, for the first time in a decade! Can you imagine not feeling things for 10 years? He was exceptional at masking his pain. No one knew. I think he had to act a lot in his dysfunctional family of origin. He’s an expert at acting happy and at compartmentalization. My grown children adored and respected him. They won’t even talk to him now.

I was blindsided. My WTF moment came when my husband out of the blue told me he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life unhappy and felt trapped into marriage. Over the next few weeks things unravelled and I found out about the affair with the dirty pro. Luckily the full story was revealed slowly because if all was revealed at once I think I would have topped myself. God was kind to me in that respect.

Debora, I had a WTF moment reading your post! Wow…
Penny, sometimes I think we are living parallel lives. I can’t tell you how many times “compartmentalization” and “lack of emotion” has come up in my therapy regarding my H.