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Took my middle daughters phone last night as punishment for something. While I had it I flipped through it and am having a moral dilemma now. While my daughters texting and messaging on fb and on kik was a semi minor issue. Her friend X however who is a girl was on a total whore skank level. Her friend sent her a picture modeling her new black bustiere,garter and blk hose with matching handcuff attachments she got. She’s 15!!! On kik and fb this girl was telling my daughter in detail about her exploits with anal sex and sex with no condom. WTF!!!
My d only mentioned a make out session (thank god!)
This girls folks just got divorced. She’s been to my house. They’ve been friends for 5-6 yrs maybe.
What to do???? Do I call mom and say “hey, I found some inappropriate things you might want to be aware of, you may or may not know. If it was me I’d want to know, hope you understand where my concern comes from.”
Or do I just limit her contact with friend and not tell mom?
I’m feeling more guilt in not telling mom than actually telling mom.
What would you do???
I would want to know if it were my daughter. Maybe tell her that you saw some things that were concerning when you were disciplining your own daughter and that you would share them with her if she is open to hearing them. If she wants to hear it, I would try to find a way to negotiate keeping the “source” safe with her…as in, not put your daughter in the middle of this. As a parent of a daughter myself, I never give up a source…I might need them again.
If that were my daughter, I would want to know. Although there is the risk that she won’t want to believe you. I would feel better to have told her as well. The other child is displaying dangerous behavior and she needs some guidance from her parents.
My h said if they split due to mom whoring around, mom may not believe it…I’ve got pics to back it up….her d’s pic is next to the kik/fb messages.
Then again she may thank me.
I don’t have much time but I would not tell the mother because she would know it came from your daughter’s phone. That makes your daughter not trust you. I’m sorry for the girl and she needs help but my daughter is number one with me. I would do everything I could to help but I would never betray my daughter.
I would find a way to get the info to her anonomysouly…. With pics …..
I would tell the mom.. as a mom of 4 daughters, I would want to know .. and it might take a little while, but I would be thankful for the tip.. I called a mom last year , when one of my daughters told me that the friend was talking about ending her life.. not an easy call to make.. but a call that had to be made.. make the call and you will feel better.. peace
Thats a tough one. You don’t really know how the girls mother was going to react. Hopefully it will not come around and bite your daughter in the ass. How well do you know this mother? If you don’t know her very well, maybe you should deal with your daughter seeing this stuff and let it go at that. If this mother is paying attention to her daughter enough she will know something is not right there. I learned the hard to way to keep things with my kids confidential. They didn’t like me sharing things with their siblings, and for a while they were hesitant to tell me stuff. I had to learn to keep them separate from each other. Just IMO.
It’s a hard one.
I’ve only ever told one my about something I saw I my daughters phone because it concerned her son. We are close friends and I knew she would handle it well.
When someone told me something about my daughter I went livid and it didn’t go well.
Recommend checking your daughter is okKim, I’m thinking don’t tell her mom. It won’t go well. Just deal with your daughter and her allowing inappropriate content on her phone. Telling the other mom will destroy your daughters trust in you and you don’t want that. You want her to trust you. But her having that stuff on her phone is a real concern. Just my 2 cents.
Kimberley that is awful. As a mother I would want to know. What a dilemma you have. I see the benefit of delivering the information to the mother anonymously prevents negative fallout for your daughter. You don’t want her to be ostracised by her friends. You do however need to have a conversation with your daughter about her friend’s behaviour. Friends can have so much more influence at that age than parents. You don’t want your own child choosing that path. xo
Not saying I am right or wrong. I’m just saying I would not call his mother either.
I have looked at bothe my kids phones and seen some things. I talked to my own kids about it…
A suicide threat would be different. I would make that phone call.
Well, I’ve struggled with this all day. I read all your posts…big thanks!…..tonight, I spoke to my ex’s ex wife (we are close) who has two daughters. Her oldest is my former step daughter. Anyway, so I told her my dilemma. She said do it. When there’s talk of sex with no condoms, a parent must know. She said she’s made that call a couple of times in my same spot. So I found her on Facebook, told her who I was in a private message and asked her to call me. If mom seems appreciative then good. If mom gets an attitude, wish her well, apologize and say goodbye she said.
I can’t do it anonymously because I’ve already confronted my daughter about the pictures and messages that went back and forth. I’m sure she told her friend today at school that I know. Her selfies were not super bad but I wasn’t a fan of the shirtless selfies from her little crush/boyfriend.
None from those two even compared to the other girls skank pics.
So we will see. Right or wrong, it comes from a place of concern.
That girl has serious emotional issues to be that sexually active at 15.Things haven’t really changed. Teenagers have sex. They always have and they always will. We just have to do what we can to keep them safe.
Kim, cheers to you for the courage to follow through on what you know to be the morally right thing for you, even when it’s hard. That’s called character, and you’ve got it, girl!
Thnx Courtney. It sucks being the adult sometimes. Ali, I sent mom a Facebook message. We’ve talked a couple times but not in a few months, confirming sleep overs and such. She hasn’t called. I don’t expect to hear from her unless she just doesn’t check fb often.
I told my h that some of mom’s selfies on her own page that I saw were sad to see……bust shots with emphasis on the bust (she seemed proud of “the girls”) so with her not calling, I’m guessing the apple may not have fallen far from that tree.
What the hell is with grown women displaying there tits like that on Facebook with freaking teen age daughters??!!
The funny part was my 18 yr old saying “Now mom, if she calls don’t say you want to talk to her about some slutty, skanky, ‘ho pictures of her daughter. Try to leave those type of words out. Just stick with inappropriate when describing them, ok?” It was so funny how she said that to me. We couldn’t help but laugh.
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