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Our 6th wedding anniversary is in 8 days. My parents will be here that weekend. Last yr after I kicked out h in Jan and we got back together I was so excited for our 5th. I mean, this was his opportunity to show me what I meant to him and how grateful he was for another chance right? Wrong!! My daughter had a game that day last yr and we agreed to do dinner another night. Never happened. I was beyond disappointed. This year since Mar 10th I dug my heels in and thought if it passes with my parents being here on another raincheck then it passes. I’m not going to hit up my folks to babysit when we never get to see them even tho they would probably offer to so we could go eat.
The other day my h informs me he’s got overnight plans for us for our anniversary. When I said look my folks are here and dinner is one thing but not an overnight stay somewhere. He said ok if you’re fine with resetting then we will sit down and pick a date to do what I’ve planned. I said ok that’s fine. So now I’m in ‘failed raincheck’ mode so we’ll see if he sits us down to lock in a date. All he told me was that I had to wear a very nice dress. I said ok cool but I thought “Great, now I get to go try on unflattering dresses bc I’m so unhappy with my weight. Nice babe!!” Why can’t h pick a venue that allows me to dress like a homeless person like I usually dress?
For Now – it sounds like he is really trying…..that’s very sweet (although talk is cheap….hopefully he’ll actually do it). I would bet that your parents given everything that has happened would be happy to babysit even for an overnighter. (how often do you see them?). I’m a big proponent of putting your husband and marriage first (just because they don’t doesn’t mean that we need to follow in their footsteps)
Every time I think about you nailing his ass with the GPS, I smile. Geeezzzz….I wish I had all this paraphenalia back when my husband was binging last year – but I didn’t even know what SA was – or what in the heck was going on. I remember my SA telling me that he wanted to have “friends that were women”……yeah, right!! Makes me laugh when I think about that, too.
Deb
It sounds sweet for now. I think I’d go for it and see how it goes but only you know what’s best. I thought it was cute you need to wear ‘a nice dress’. Get something really flattering and nice, you deserve it!
Love, Nap
I am also dressing and looking like a homeless person π
I am also getting fat!
Maybe you and I should go out for your anniversary .. I can get us reservations at a really great soup kitchen ξFor-now, I have a really hard time reading these kind of posts. The ones from people still trying to make it with their SA’s. I can hear the hope, pain, and disappointment, and I can remember being there. And I know how my story ends.
So, I would say to do what you want to do. Whatever makes you feel good. If you are doing it for him, you can be disappointed. Find a good friend, go shopping, and treat yourselves to a nice dinner out. If he fails to claim his raincheck, so what. Take away his power to hurt you any more.
BTW, I’m getting skinny- I was down to 99 lbs and I’m 5’8″. I lost all my pretty yoga muscles and now I look wrinkly from the loose skin. I just got my haircut this week for the first time since November. I’m glad I’m not the only slob.
Oh Teri I wish weight loss was my problem. Weight gain during times of stress is the card I’ve been dealt in life. Bev, I thought of you when I typed that about dressing like a homeless person. When you told me that on the phone recently I was glad to hear I wasn’t alone in how much effort I put I into my appearance. I’ve moved up to eye makeup and lipstick again so it’s coming along slowly. He showed up with flowers yesterday. A small bouquet of bright colored flowers. He had been doing that weekly since Aug but it stopped when I kicked him out. My hopes are not up but he seems to be trying so I’m letting time tell. The other day we hugged and said I love you as he left Tues after stopping by for a few hours. My daughter was sitting there as he told me. She said “I don’t get it. If y’all love each other and I know you do why can’t he just move back in?” He looked at me and I looked at her and said its a bit more complicated than that. She said “I’m just sayin’ mom.”
No one, not even my kids, will rush any decisions I make. Everyone’s going to have to live with it for now. That’s just how it’s going to be until my epiphany presents itself. It will either be in the decision to divorce or get back together.
Yes Deb, I’m quite thankful for the tracking device. I would not have ever known had I not put it on there. I silently giggle tho at him still thinking there’s gps on his phone which there isn’t. But hell, I’m not about to tell him it doesn’t have it on there. β I love it that he’s not any kind of tech savvy or I wouldn’t have gotten away with doing what I’ve done with eblaster on our pc’s and a tracking device on his truck.
We have resumed a sex life the last few weeks which I needed. I guess his low T shots are working bc he’s all over me when we are alone. He’s staying on the weekends some but back to his folks come Sun nights. We watched a thing on the news last night while laying in bed about a love challenge where couples have sex for 7 days in a row. I’d heard of the longer love challenges but h had not. He said well, that’s a cool idea but ours will have to be the three day challenge since I’m only here a few days at a time. It’s nice to have my h’s attention again in a sexual way but I have no crazy notion it will last. All I can say about those shots are they have made a difference. He was never a wham bam quickie type, more the marathon man (I don’t mean crazy long marathon either) but dang, even I can tell a difference since he’s started the shots. He’s due to have his numbers checked so I’m curious where they are. He was in the low 200’s before the shots.
Jeans, Jeans, Jeans.
As I think I told you⦠5 days before my 8th anniversary was a d-day. I went to Barnes and Nobles and bought a playboy. Attached a note that said: The best gifts are the ones you REALLY want. And then I literally threw it in his face. He had a gift ordered for me. It came in the middle of this fiasco. I refused to open it.
Come my 9th anniversary, he was in recovery and things were far from normal. I refused any celebration. I told him bring married to him was far from cause for celebration.
So here we are 7 weeks or so from anniversary #10. He wants a spiritual recommitment ceremony. Iβm barely ready for dinner!
Itβs difficult to buy me a gift. (the one from two years ago is still symblibally and stubbornly unopened. So he suggested we go to the gun range since Iβve been wanting to go. Really? Youβre on my shit list, you got kick ass life insurance and you want me to learn to fire a gun better. Heβs not a smart man sometimes.
The moral of the story is: Anniversaries post d-day suck.
I was gonna see when we could βdo lunch.β Dress Code: Jeans
A spiritual recommitment ceremony?! I don’t have words.
But I love the Playboys.
You can’t make this stuff up!I’ll second the homeless lunch and raise you 3 martinis, Bev.
Yes Kim lunch for sure!
The gun range made me giggle. Yes yes yes let’s take a highly charged woman upset at her H being a SA to the gun range. Boys are sooooo stupid!!! Remember everything we learned about boys we learned in kindergarten. They were stupid then and they’re still stupid now.
BOOM!! GOES THE GUN….. Whoops (hand over mouth) sorry honey…. honey?…….. HONEY????? Forgive me Lord for I have sinned, it’s been 3 mos since my last confession. π
for-now. I am still reading posts while tornado sirens are going off. You have really been cracking me up! I always told Steve that he better sleep with one eye open, because if I decided to do him in I would know how to do it and it would never be traced. (A Nurse has all kinds of innovative ideas. Ha!) He told me he was going to put a note in his safety depost box that should he pass on under mysterious circumstances look at his wife. He was kidding, but wouldn’t surprise me if he really did it.I used to fantasize about him getting mowed down by a bus or hit by lightening. Isn’t that terrible??? Can’t help what goes through your mind.
I used to wish my ex would get hit by a bus. Not just any bus but a bus loaded down packed full of folks going to an over eaters anonymous convention. I felt that would really pack a punch!
It must be storming bad up there. Guess I need to take a peek at Facebook. My KC friends usually post stuff during the storms. Hope you’re staying safe Sharron! At least y’all have basements up there unlike down here. It’s every man for himself here during a tornado scare.
Sharron,
That is just tooooooooo funny. Yes, we nurses do have our ‘ways’ of doing someone in ‘without a trace’.
I have always threatened Larry with that–just to irritate the shit out of him. And, when we were separated he actually DID tell some of his co workers that if he died that they should do an autopsy and look at me as a suspect.
Are those bad storms headed my way? I’ll go look on my iPad.
Oh to fantasize about seeing them suffer a much needed death at times. I have two guns and of course h has maybe 6. He teases me about being a better shot than me. I told him yeah laugh all you want bc if I ever point one your way you’ll be running for the hills. He said he was a faster runner than I am. I said yeah keep remembering that and don’t forget I’m a better shot when my targets are moving. I would never really do that. The ONLY reason I don’t is bc I do not look good in orange which are the color of the jumpsuits inmates wear at the county jail. That is the ONLY reason π
Where are you Bev? Maybe we could fly you in for lunch. That whole thing made me think of that song someone posted a while back from Chicago.. the cellblock tango.
I am from Memphis. Home of Graceland and The King…( he`s not dead you know..just sayin )
“Going to a Party in the County Jail” will become for now`s theme song. I also think that horrid orange color keeps a lot of women legal π
If you all plan a lunch then I probably will fly in and crash it. Dallas has great shopping π
Hi JoAnn- Steve and I just had a big blow out. He called me to ask if I was okay because the tornadoes were sighted in Olathe. Just an excuse to talk, I am sure!
Anyway, he starts telling me how well he has done this week-no triggers. As if I give a shit at this point.
He has been seeing his sister a lot, and helping her with some gardening. I thought-boy, this is a good time to get him off my back entirely. I told him that he and I do not have the same philosophy about recovery. Mine has always been he avoid trigger areas until he is out of active addiction. (Which he is not-2 triggers he has admitted to since we separated). His answer was, “that is partially true.”
Anyway, bottom line was I told him I don’t want him calling me until he is over his addiction. His only reaction was, “okay-like he didnt give a shit.” Why should I be surprised. He has never put me first and never would. He is not seeing his therapist, and does not post his lessons on R.N. Says he has a copy of all of them, and he probably wouldn’t change any of them. God-this fucker! Do I have some anger??? Ya.
Anyway, a good excuse to break all ties. I just hope he abides by signing the update to the post nump. If he doesn’t, I will divorce his happy little ass right now and he will have to pay out money that he does not really want to pay since he is paying 2 house payments.
My question to you, is should I divorce him now and take my losses, or take a chance he will abide by updating the post nump.
He talked to his financial planner this week, and his advice was he start drawing from his annuities that pay out for life. Then, his investments outside the annuities can continue making money. He told the financial planner – “At least I don’t have to pay out a quarter of a million to this wife like the last.” I have a bad gut feeling about that comment.
So, JoAnn, and all my sisters-what do you think I should do? file now, or still try and go for the property settlement.
I will just bet he will change his mind if he can have no contact with me.
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