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Don’t feel bad, stronger. I am the same. Every time I think I finally have something that will get him to back off or want to end it, he just hits back harder.
A year ago I found 2 convicted child molesters in his sexual contacts- one he was exchanging photos with. I thought for sure he would back down then. Who wants that coming out? A year later (and even more evidence), he is still fighting.
I just try to stay away.He’s like the Joker in Dark Knight- only interested in chaos and destruction. I have no interest in engaging because I have a conscience. Let him keep up what he is doing. I just document everything. More and more people are seeing who he really is. Not enough to end it at the moment. Hoping by the end game.
Thank you Stronger and Zola for sharing these hard stories. I wish I could take away some of the feelings you hold against yourselves still. I don’t know how much better any of us would have done. We don’t even know what we don’t yet know! But if it happens to another here, your sharing will give courage to someone else to act quickly.
And Claire, thanks to you too for telling the story that some of the newer sisters might not know. I know it’s still awful for you to think about it. Also wanted to say that in Kingston, Ontario, the most recent arrest for child pornography (making and distributing) was the deputy fire chief.
May our children be whole again. All of them.I thank God that my kids are older. You are brave, brave mothers, and you are doing everything you can to demonstrate authentic unconditional love and responsible parenting. No matter what, this will help the kids grow up to have a better life than we have had. They will have your examples of what to do when something bad happens, and how we SHOULD be able to depend on our families and loved ones. Good for you both!
Teri and stronger, I just want to say that if we are to think of them as being very erratic, irrational and predictable that will give you more insight into them, I know everyone here is tired of reading books, but I think most of those guys are not only narcissist but also sociopath, they are without consciousness and the only difference between them and a criminal is that their games in society are working for them and will do anything and everything short of breaking the laws, and even then as long as they will not get caught they will do it.
Oh Stronger…I’m at a loss for words at what a horrific experience that must have been for you when finding the blood on your daughters underpants. You are an amazing Mom – don’t ever doubt that for one second. Your kids are blessed to have you in their lives.
I hate these guys for everything that they do and for the ripple effect of destruction left in their wake.
Hi Stronger, I read your post. So sorry you too are going through this. I know your fears. I too have them even though my kids are older now but there are just things that I recall that does not sit that well with me while going through this divorce. I could not finish reading everyone’s post but I will do so tomorrow. You are your family are in my prayers tonight. Sending you hugs from South Africa
Stronger, you are not crazy. You have to question everything.
Your innocence is gone, as it should be. Your a great Mama, and I’m so sorry you have to go through this. But good job. You did the right thing. You will get through this eventually and build a life worth celebrating. You’re strong like that.
Heartbreaking, this is heartbreaking.
In this instance, it’s sad but true:
Operate not on the basis of what they “would do”, but always being aware of what they “could do”. That’s the only way to be 100% sure they didn’t.
If they aren’t in plain sight of someone, and they have opportunity, I don’t put anything past them. Honestly, if this is an addiction, why would you? If it’s not, then they are using human beings to enact their desires, sometimes to their harm, despite all moral and legal constraints. And this without remorse until caught. Isn’t that worse?
Stronger I wish there were a way to take all of this away. What a horrifying ordeal. I’m glad you followed through with all the procedures, as painful as it was. I hope you find some help for your daughter so she can blossom with this behind her. And I hope you are seeing someone who can help you deal with this. Don’t ignore your gut, I know he was cleared but you know what you know and there is no pretending it will go away – like so many of us try to do. I’m glad you have Zola to share with, you can share your grief and anger,resources, and empower each other.
After 28 years of marriage, 1 son and 4 daughters, I found out that my h was spying on my daughters friends when they were changing at sleepovers, cabin visits etc. 12 years old and up. He even described their developing bodies to me.
This was a shock to me – it was one of the last things he confessed.
I hope everyone with children takes these sick sick men
seriously. Anyone on this site who says my husband would never do that is just as deep in denial as their sa’s.
they do it. The csat told me that all men are attracted to post puberty girls, its natures way, but sa’s dont have self control. Sa progresses. Horny is as horny does. They have no filter.
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