My daughter is cutting – yikes!!

I am not made at you, Karen, or you, Deb.

I am at odds with the normalcy of the experience of crisis and therapy and self-harm that I perceive is being created here. It is not normal. It is dangerous.

I’m at odds with the idea that any of us would lie down and let the SA do whatever, whenever, to us and our children without there being ANY consequences for doing so. I’m at odds with allowing ourselves and our children to be abused by these bastards, with changing the rules and amending the details of the stories in order to keep these men in our homes, among our kids, without penalty. I’m at odds with a never-ending wait-and-see attitude that destroys family members who have no power, no ability to get away from the damage and danger. Thank GOD Stephanie is leaving. Thank GOD Pam put her foot down. Thank GOD Bev made her husband go to Minwalla and he can now (faking it or not) model for her children the way a father is supposed to act. As Dorothy Allison said, “Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.” Well, I think, sometimes, you have to crack everything open before you get change.

“I’m at odds with a never-ending wait-and-see attitude that destroys family members who have no power, no ability to get away from the damage and danger.” Amen March. I was one of those on the fence never ending wait and see. I signed the lease today. It was one of the fucking scariest things I have ever done in my entire life. I did it anyway. Guess what? I did this scary thing, what I was so scared of and guess what happened? Nothing. I didn’t die, the world didn’t collapse, life is going on as usual.
I feel for Deb because she really thinks there is no way out. I was her. I tried to justify everything and rationalize my delusions. It’s really not that bad, etc.
I hope she comes back. You guys helped me do this. I’ve come so far in a short period of time because our encouragement and feedback. I wish the same for Deb.

I’m incredibly saddened by all of this. I believe everyone has to come to their decisions in their own time and live with the consequences of the timing of their decisions.
When a my own children are involved I do the best I can with the knowledge I have in the moment. I have made many mistakes and would do things different if I had a time machine but I don’t.
My 14 year old daughter was sexually abused by my dad when she was only 5. I only found out a year ago and he is now in jail. If I look back I could really beat myself up about not knowing then but I didn’t know. I still feel responsible for not knowing. I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make. I do know how confusing and heartbreaking life is when we have children that are hurt in any way and especially how frustrating it is when we see another woman’s child hurting and not be able to do anything about it.

Bhearted, I agree with what March said. What a horrible thing to go through. The ultimate betrayal by your father. I hope your daughter is doing okay? I hope you are doing okay too. I understand your sense of responsibility; I would feel the same way but as March said, you took immediate action to protect your child and clearly you did protect her. I don’t really know what else to say other than I’m sending you and your daughter a big hug.

bhearted, I think we do tend to feel responsible when we fail to protect our kids. I feel horrible about what my son is going through even though I had no idea his father would give him porn or would leave it on his computer for my son to find. I know I couldn’t stop something I didn’t know about. But I do feel terrible that I could not protect my baby.

So I think once you do know, you do what you can. You protect them and love them and try to help them heal. And I think it’s okay to regret that you couldn’t prevent it in the first place. Who wouldn’t? But you can’t beat yourself up, you just can’t. You didn’t cause the problem, your father did. And you are a victim, too, because it was your baby that he hurt.

I hope your daughter is okay. What a terrible experience for your family. I am so sorry.

Thank you, Daisy, my dear.

Lynn, good questions

Classic emotional blackmail

I see your legitimate concern and use it to make you squirm. Do as I say and everything will be just fine.

Forget it sister, you have officially pissed me off.

That cat is perfectly capable of skinning herself.

I’ve seen cutters gone haywire.

Often in support groups there are people that are just not a good fit. They cause distractions and stress among the group and prevent the group from functioning effectively.

The group leader is responsible for guiding the group and taking necessary actions to maintain focus.

After much thought and meditation I have decided to take action to remove a distraction that has caused unnecessary added turmoil here with the Sisters.

I have concluded that Debinca is just not in a place where being a member of this group is helpful to her or to the Sisterhood.

I have written to her and suggested that she find help somewhere that will better meet her needs more effectively than the Sisterhood.

Her subscription has been cancelled. ~ JoAnn