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I am just going to sum up my weekend. I am flabbergasted. first time I ever used that word!
~my big meeting with the parent company that leases my building. I need this settled first before I can file for divorce, h knows this.
Meeting is 3 hours away, my h arrives from s. Indiana, we arrive at exactly the same time. So we go to lunch, negotiations are tough ( I knew they would be) and as I pass out my proposal I notice that my h is not wearing his wedding ring. That fucker. He has refused to take it off when I get mad and tell him to give it to me, and it is off after he has been out of town for a week. I cannot even concentrate after this. I cant even breath right. I actually don’t even recall what we talked about. We leave in separate cars and I call him, and he is like what is your problem. He tells me he took it off because he doesn’t deserve to wear my ring. I said that argument would work if he took it off in front of me, not while he was out of town. He tells me he is going to see his therapist (1st time since Aug) and will arrive home a few hours after me and we need to talk. (4 words that scare the hell out of me)
~He comes home and we have a huge argument over the ring. He twists it and says its my fault. deny, lie, and blame! new twist.
~He needed to talk to me because he …….found God this week. And he is going to do everything he is supposed to do and he finally gets “it”. (I hope he is serious, so compulsive though its scary)
~Sat morning, he finds a great deal on a lease for a brand new car and runs out and leases it for my 16 year old. So impulsive. I told him that when we get divorced I am not paying a penny for that car. He agrees. He said he needed to do something for her because he has been so horrible this year. ok Bob Cratchit.
~ While he is getting the new car, I pull out his Ipad and check the history. He was on eharmony this week while he was out of town.
~I confront him and he says he just looked once and he knew it was wrong and x’ed out of it. Sure, maybe this explains the ring.
~he spends all day today saying exactly what someone in recovery would say. He even thinks we could save our marriage and be speakers for intensives! He was supposed to leave for S. Indy today and guess what? He decided to tell work that he needs to spend more time at home right now……….no no no he does not need to spend any more time at home……help!
eharmony, no ring, = new car, therapist, finding God, recovery.
am I just being a suspicious bitch? I cannot tell ~
I want off this psyco ride.Just file, a good lawyer will help you with your building, you’re h has lost his marbles, he’s definitely messing with your head. You need out of this madness!!!
I can’t believe he forgot to put his ring back on! And the women on eHarmony are looking for real relationships, no? So what kind of BS would he be serving there? Our SAs should stick to the skanks on Craigslist.
I told him the skanks he contacted on craigslist were probably a slippery 60 year old man trying to get money out of him!
I think he is afraid of craigslist now!Oh Gosh, I’m tired again. Just from reading it.
You must be exhausted Heidi. From living it.It’s really crazy making. I think you have either got to find some way to work together on this recovery thing, or you have to live apart while he works on it. Because right now it’s a mess. And I’m voting for the second option, because I just don’t buy what he’s selling. I think he’s all over the place with this thing. He hasn’t settled into recovery at all. But I guess I could be wrong about that.
I just want you to be all right. And I don’t think you are going to get that from him.
D.xo
Dear Diane,
You know you are not wrong?
Dear Heidi,
And you know i mean this in the BEST possible way. Are you having fun yet???? Because your H sure is! God, Dear Girl…..STOP listening to his BS! He is off his rocker and will have you off yours too! Thinking of you Karen xx
It is living in crazy. I wish I could record one of our discussions for you to hear ~ he is so manipulative, I am writing it all down in my journal, right now it’s my best defense.
So we talk this morning and he keeps trying to convince me to give it a year. He promises me the world again, so sincere.
So I revisit the whole eharmony thing. I tell him I am looking at being single soon too, but I haven’t gone on any dating sites. That would be disrespecting what is left of our marriage, and get in the way of making a clear decision. I ask him why he would even do that??? He says….”think about it Heidi (gas lighting) I wanted to see what was out there” I said …you have been looking for 30 years at what is out there!……..he says “no Heidi, those were married women, I wanted to see what was out there for single women”
I couldn’t make this shit up. I am getting out of here tomorrow for the week. My daughter will be ok right now….she has a new car so she is less pissed at him.
oh Heidi,
Seriously crazy!!!!
I am soooooo sorry. I know that pain of looking over and seeing no ring on his finger. ASSS!!!!! And here you are trying to keep your head on straight trying to make some important decsions. WTF??????
Nap and I were talking last night, (I adore her!!) Anyway, we were laughing (we both have this thing about inappropriate laughter, but it is better than crying sometimes) We both kept saying ‘YOU REALLY JUST CAN’T MAKE THIS SHIT UP!’
hug Heidi {{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}
Thanks Cindy
I agree that sometimes all you can do is laugh. Thank God!
It means the fog is lifting, even if the rain keeps coming.I think we could all contribute and write an Erma Bombeck version of life with a sex addict. I think Lexie alone could pull it off. But I have a better job for lexie – she should have a dating service where she screens all of the males to make sure they are not sa’s!
Heidi,
Believe it when you see it, not when you hear it!It does drive you mad, but I think you should get divorced anyway – if he proves to be a beautiful, reliable, God-fearing man – maybe you could start again…
But really – I think the best thing to do is run like fuck and dont look back.
J x
p.s. am kind of doing that but am staying nice and supportive cos my son is only 6 and we have a lot of co-parenting to do
I hear ya jos, we have 5 kids and a lot of graduations, weddings, grandkids, life ahead of us. The best I can hope for now is to not have a lifetime full of hatred so we can enjoy our family separately.
He will probably succeed in f-ing that up too.Oh, hadj.. what he gave as his rationale for looking at eharmony would make me want to stick a sawed-off shotgun up my ass. Holy shjt..
I just remembered something while typing this that my h said to me. When I found out about his Craigslist gf, which was even more devastating than learning about his prostitutes and masseuses, he said, ‘But,Annie, we weren’t fcking until the last 8 months that I was seeing her.’ Uhh..hokay.. this is supposed to be comforting to me?? This is a guy who prides himself on his intelligence??
After reading what your h said to you about eharmony, I really think these guys are reading from the same deranged playbook.Perfect example of opportunistic crazymaking in the act by an SA. I’m not so sure I wouldn’t have made him eat the ring. So# o% a &i@c*
I love these job descriptions, though!
We should start a dating service, and screen all the SA’s and make a special category for them, with specially sadistic sucubus women to keep THEM in a reality as warped as their own, and video it for a reality show, but disguise it as a documentary so we’d get grants for the whole thing.
I know a movie producer, a grant writer, and I don’t think we’d have any trouble finding script material. LOL
I try not to be judmental reading these posts. But he’s an ass (putting it mildly) and he is taking you for a ride. Run.
Crap lost my post.
Here we go again.
Pay attention to his actions, not words.Actions: no wedding ring, searched eharmony , leased your daughter a car despite monetary consideration or yours.
Words: I love you baby, don’t want a divorce, I found god (where was (s)he in the trunk), I was just searching eharmony to see what is out there.
Okay so now. What does this say? All bad. Something is off here. Something is not right.
Possibly he did have an escapade this past weekend and scared the crap out him, and that is how he found god. However at this stage he should tell you that right?
I don’t know, something seems terribly wrong. Could he be playing you in a way to extend the divorce process??Good luck to you!!
Love,
FloraFor the dating service, Lexie would screen and if they passed they would go to step #2. This is where I would try them out to make sure they work.
great idea, Nappie and just to make sure… after they’ve had a shower and freshened up… I think that I should also try them out, just to be on the safe side. 😉
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