My Morning E-mail I sent

Paulette, I reread the email from your husband and tend to concur with Teri. Is there anything this guy CAN do? Geez, he starts half the letter with sentences about things he cannot change. Even his first line, “I can’t apologize enough for how much I’ve hurt you?” sounds ridiculous. I always hated when they made assumptions about things pertaining to me. Bu why didn’t he say “I’m so sorry for how much I hurt you. I promise to reaffirm every day how much I love you and how deeply sorry and sickened I am from knowing what I have risked. ” I’m sure other sisters probably have SAs who have said this and it meant nothing, and we know the words don’t matter much anyway. But it was the defeatist tone in this email. I know exactly what you mean by the sordid life. It’s not where we should spend our time

I always translate all that to mean “this is all just a big pain in the neck, all this making amends and being accountable and having to be sorry all the time and having to come up with ways to prove I am sorry and dealing with the fact that she now has all the power and I see no way that I am ever going to get it back because the gig is up…..therefore…it would be much easier to just replace her and move on and find someone else.” Of course , they do not come out and say that. they say things like “No matter what I do, it will never be enough. This does not make me a bad person. When are you going to go and see someone and get some help? I don’t think you want our marriage to work. I’m trying really hard here. I don’t know what else to do. Its too much water under the bridge. YOU don’t even know if you love me anymore. ” and so on and so on and so on blah, blah, blah.

Karens post = wisdom