My New Adventures

Reflecting on where I am at with my journey, its been 6 years since discovery. Two years before that was the secret life complete with a hooker habit. Now we are up to 8 years of absence. In the years before that there was the compulsive jerking off to porn habit. Now we are up to 10+ years of addiction and/or “pre-occupation”—whatever you want to name it. In the mean time, when my husband is not acting the part of a sex addict, he spends his time mostly on his computer game at home (contributing literally nothing but an income). When he is not doing that, he is working or talking about work.

Two stories are exemplary of our “marriage”.
1. He tells me he will do whatever it takes to support me, especially when it comes to my healing. Granted, I recognize that he works 60+ hours a week whereas I work about 30 (at work, that’s not including being a single mom at home). Recently, I took a workshop and without prior knowledge I did not realize that there was some sleep deprivation combined with lots of homework. Long story short, I couldn’t keep a commitment to help my son make some potato soup for our church teen mission fundraiser. I asked my SA if he could help months ago in terms of taking responsibility for the kids on that weekend. Yet, when the soup issue came up, he merely told my son to make it. When I come home there was a bag of potatoes and large can of chicken broth on the counter. I asked how this could be. My husband merely blamed it on my son. There is no teaching/parenting. He merely shifts the blame when he doesn’t meet his responsibilities. Did I mention that the whole recipe was in pictures on the pioneer website? Did I mention that I had already sauteed the onion and the bacon?

2. Scenario 2: I told the SA that I was planning a big weekend full of coffee dates and I was going to go out salsa dancing (something my friend has been inviting me to do for use but given the PTSD symptoms I have been avoiding). I am going to LIVE!!!!! I had a wonderful time. When I come home there were dishes everywhere. The kids have eaten junk food and there is peuk in both of the bathroom sinks. The phones/computers were not turned in before bed time.

Basically, there is nothing. I don’t give a shit what he does. I am raising the kids and functioning in an environment that I keep positive for my kids due to my commitment, grit and strength. Our beautiful home. All mine. My accomplishment. Our kids are connected to me through their souls and hearts. When I came home from my workshop last weekend, they both raced up to my room to tell me all of the happenings of their lives. There is always that connection, that need to check in with me and I with them. It’s called emotional connection. It’s all mine. I created everything. He is leeching off of it and I am allowing it to happen hoping that this trade off will be a good business decision.

I do have to say, however, that it can be difficult to “live” in the direction I need to go with his lack of contribution combined with the attitude that he is so tired cuz he works so hard.