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Someday when I get my act together and all the trauma ends, I am going to write my story………….I will tell you that it starts out with my parents telling me “I was an accident, I wasnt planned.” Oh well……shit!
Nap,
I don’t believe in accidents either! One of my favorite sayings is “Everything happens for a reason.” I am thankful that your parents had an “oopsie” because you have been a blessing to me in the last month.~ ShakenNotBroken
What could it mean to be an “accidental human being”? I’m thinking that this is just another example of your co-dependency, NAP! You chose those parents, didn’t you?! It’s your fault that they told you that you were an accident. Yes, you should have been planning your own birth. They are the victims here. They had no idea and you enabled them.
I think I’ve hit the wall with co-dependency. Thank you, NAP. I’m done now. Good night all.
love,
Diane.haha!!! I’ll bet you give a rockin’ sermon, sister (sounds like a nun in this context) 😉 and that your congregants absolutely ADORE you!
Good God….I have teasingly told ALL my sons this!!! Because they were!!! I have NEVER had a planned pregnancy in my life 🙂 They all came at the absolute wrong time and I adored every one of them. I hope the message that they were loved came across more than anything else? And of course….NONE of them were singled out in the process. They all seem healthy and happy? 🙂 Karen
PS I love my boys!!!NAP…you are wonderful. Did your parents say it often and cruelly? Did you feel special to them??? Love you, B
kmf,
So glad you kept the love strong with your children…though you may want to ask them if they ever felt like an accident (in the negative sense). I have been improving on being direct with my son. The other day I felt a little preaching or perhaps annoyingly critical??? After a few minutes I asked, “Jes, did I just totally annoy you?” He said, “Well, not really, I mean, um, you love me and want the best for me.” That meant “yes” in a nice way. I said Jes, “I am a teacher and I probably always want to teach you. Maybe I am critical sometimes, but I love you and don’t want to hurt you. Please tell me if I am too critical or annoying in the future. It may be a weakness of mine.” Anyway, you may want to ask them if you feel you should. Maybe tell them about NAP’s comment and that it seems like some parents COULD really hurt their children by disclosing that information. Just a thought.
Love, B. TrayedThey didn’t say it often, just jokingly (???) ocassionally. As a child I felt very special by my father, mother, not so much. She was very critical.
NAP,
So glad you felt very special to your father. What things did he say or do to make you feel that way?Yikes, I don’t want to be a critical person. What do you think makes someone feel criticized vs. cared for and loved by being given instructive information? Perhaps if it is too frequent???
Hi Bt.,
You ask really good questions. My father, included me in whatever he was doing. My mother was a nurse and worked every other weekend. I had three older brothers. If he went to the farm store he’d ask me to go. Always wanted my company. In the car (or truck ride) he would always educate me about simple things and did it through conversation. Maybe it was how a clutch worked or how to balance a check book. He made everything so interesting and we loved being together. He was also very social and we would often “stop in” to see a neighbor. It was usually around lunch time so they often fed us, I think he planned the timing! Everyone loved him because he was smart yet very humble. He also had a great sense of humor and was always singing some silly song or opera, and he whistled alot. He was just a great man.My mother critism (for me) went straight to the juglar. She didnt like herself very much and often projected her self hatred on to me. She adored 2 of my brothers and the other brother was constantly compared to my oldest brother, “the golden child”. All I knew as a child was she constantly made me feel bad and I thought she was mean. When company came over I often wondered who she was because I didnt know that lady.
Anyway, I survived, and I’m still surviving and I think Im very much like my father which I’m very grateful for.
Love, Nap
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