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Just wondering your thoughts on whether or not you would change your name after a long marriage with children who have your married name?
Debora,
I decided not to change my name mainly because my married name is a simple name easy to say and spell. My maiden name was hard to pronounce and always had to spell it out. Plus my attorney said it was a pain in the ass to change everything and I also like having the same name as my kids.I have never had the same name as my kids. I kept my name when I got married which is common in my field. I suggested hyphenating the kids’ name, but guess who had a hissy fit? My kids don’t seem to care one way or another what my name is. I’ll always be “Mom”.
I’m changing my name back! I have 4 kids but they are adults. Three are girls and can’t wait to get rid of our godawful last name. I had a very nice maiden name that I will go back to. I want a clean break. I don’t want to carry his name around anymore.
I’m going to take my name back when my daughter’s 18, I don’t care how much paper work that involves. I think you should listen to your heart on this one , and do whatever it is that makes you happy.
I will take my maiden name back. My son is 31 years old with a family of his own. What he wants for me is whatever will make me happy. I don’t want to be associated with this guy once all is said and done.
I’m pretty convinced I’ll take my maiden name back. It’s my name goddammit, I’ve regretted taking his for a few years even before I knew about his sexcapades.
I took his name even though I knew there would be difficulties due to his national origin…ppl STILL tell me, “You don’t look like a [insert name here] to me!” He always told me how grateful he was that I took his name b/c “not every woman would want to” given where he’s from. Now, on my job and in my field I’m known by that name so it would be a can of worms professionally to change it back. Another wonderful legacy of his penis activities.
I took my maiden name back when I divorced the first time because I felt that I only took it because we married. When we were divorcing, I wanted my maiden back.
If I divorce this time, I am not changing it, even I were to remarry which I swore I’d never do again, too much trouble and I like it better than my maiden name anyway.
However, I would change it if he gets arrested or something stupid where I’m publicly embarrassed.
Hmmmm, I think this is a personal choice based on each circumstance. If it is your professional name then it is tricky. I don’t know what I would do but the idea of a clean start appeals, though I don’t like my married or my maiden name. 😉
I don’t like my maiden or married name either. I had a GF in that situation and she chose a common name she liked, Stewart. I didn’t know anything about SA at the time but that was her case.
In my counseling group a couple years ago, one of the girls changed her name also. She chose the family name of a close relative.
I wish I could for the fresh start but I won’t for the continuity with my children. Even though they are adults, I feel like it would be a bit of an insult and a rejection to them. I also don’t have knowledge or proof of any actual adultery so it isn’t something that my kids have against their dad. This is only my thoughts and decision. I don’t mean to hurt or impose my choice on anyone else.
I wish I could be just, *Debora*. Like Cher:)
I would love to drop pornpig’s last name, although it is nicer sounding than my maiden name, and I hate his because it is a tie to him. I wouldn’t mind the aggravation or time and effort to do change from his last name, it is the money that it would cost, especially changing the name on the passport I just got, the first one I ever got in my life at this late date, it is bound to be expensive (for me anyway) to change that and all the ID on everything. I’ll see. If I go ahead with it, I will change my last name to something I like to reflect my Ukranian heritage.
I know when I got divorced the first time, I had our atty add the name change. It was the very last item listed in the decree. When my ex read through it, he was shocked and said “You’re taking your name back? What about the kids?”
I said “We have girls, they’re not even going to keep it when they’re older. They’ll change theirs when they marry so what’s the big deal?”I was surprised he had an opinion about it.
Hey Junie – did you go on your fab vacation? I don’t remember your timetable but don’t forget to tell us about it when you get back!
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