Need support from wifes who are staying with men in recovery

Yes very difficult to punish a man who prefers not to interact beyond the superficial anyway?? Not only that…all the with holding of…sex, emotions, intimacy, conversation ect ……that is simply them punishing us in a quiet way. You cannot win with these guys. You cannot. They know what you need and its the last thing they want so they always have the upper hand. The only thing they need is a front. Loss of the front is the one thing they respond to…oh and sometimes loss of money. I often think it is quite lost on partners just what it means when another person psychologically blames you …really blames you for everything? Blaming goes hand in hand with resentment and resentment goes hand in hand with wanting to frustrate and hurt the other person. Much of what they do is so deliberate, so methodical and so well thought out it is astounding. They do not WANT to work things through. They want everything to remain the same and they don’t care that your needs go unmet….as a matter of fact…they enjoy it. No person can dig in their heels and block all progress and refuse all your efforts and still say they care about you. For many of them it is nothing but a game, a little power struggle that they intend to win. I often think we need to wake up. Someone doesn’t use and exploit you for a lifetime, watch you struggle in the dark and suddenly get up one morning and become a caring person. Many of you have issues with MIL, FIL and sometimes even your own parents. How many of those people really changed in the time you knew them? How many did you right off as a lost cause because they were always the same-nasty. If someone is jerking your chain you have to fight fire with fire. Find out what they need and threaten it. THEN and only then do you get engagement. Other than that- you play cat and mouse and you are definitely NOT the cat. They are sadistic but we don’t call it that….we call it denial. God help us….
Karen xx

Karen, damn but I think you just topped yourself with that post. God help me but I mean to be the Cat just once before this whole sordid mess is said and done.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! 🙂