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Diane_D posted her story under the ‘group’ area, so I thought I would repost it here as not many people search through the groups and anything posted under that heading will not show up here in the forums. Thanks so much for sharing your difficult story DD.
Hi. I am new. My husband is in treatment for 10 days. I discovered the addiction three years ago and went through major therapy and disclosure and everything. Then 14 days ago I discovered he was lying and never stopped the behavior. I simply had too much evidence this time for him to deny. I am leaving him as we speak and have packed my house and kids. I am done. I did all the hard work of couples sex addiction therapy, I did the full disclosure, I rebuilt the intimacy and everything. And it was all a lie. We run a business together and I am working like mad to save it. I am also trying to be a good mom to my girls. But I am also feeling alone since our couples therapist is focused more on him since he is sick. I am the ”healthy” one who did the work, but my support group thinks I am an ass for leaving him. ”He is in treatment” they say and you are walking away. I have people send me cussing emails and texts. I want to just scream, ”I am the one being abused here. I am trying to break free.”
Wow, your “support” group is not so supportive. You’ve come to the right place now Diane! There are women here who are staying, women with one foot out the door, women with both feet out the door in a dead sprint and some who have left and found a new and better life for themselves. We’ve got them all and you will get all sorts of opinions on all sorts of subjects but no one will EVER scream at you or cuss you or any of that bullshit. Whatever path your healing takes, you will find plenty of sisters to walk it with you, supporting you, cheering you on and understanding everything you’re going through.
Daisy
Diane,
Welcome to SOS. It is a wonderful place. You must be so lonely right now. I totally understand, you think all the therapy has helped and you are hit again with all the lies etc… You are traumatized all over again. Good decision to leave wih your girls. Take care of yourself. ((((HUG)))Diane,
Welcome to SOS. It is a wonderful place. You must be so lonely right now. I totally understand, you think all the therapy has helped and you are hit again with all the lies etc… You are traumatized all over again. Good decision to leave wih your girls. Take care of yourself. ((((HUG)))Diane,
So sorry that the journey you are on is bumpy right now. After everything that you put into working on the relationship after the initial discovery only to find additional betrayal, is earth shattering. It is such a let down and you must feel like you are free falling in a downward spiral. Trust yourself in what you are needing right now. It is only after you have found a calmer place and the dust has settled that you will really know what you want. It must be additional stress to have your support group question your actions right now. You are looking for some one to listen while you find a spot to let this storm settle. This feels to me like it just adds to the insecurity of an already delicate situation. Continue to be strong in looking for that spot where you can evaluate where you are with in the parameters of what has happened.Your OK, breath, and know that we are here for you!
DD, you go girl.
Don’t listen to those other women who are just terrified by the truth you have experienced and are afraid it will or is happening to them. They want you to keep on playing the recovery game.
You’re right. You did your work. He didn’t.
Time to go.
Bless you as you do your best in this awful situation.Diane,
You know what is best for you. We all have a bottom and after you working so hard and he faked it, I think you made the choice you needed to make. Your boundary is loud and clear, ” I won’t tolerate this”, it’s a healthy decision although I know it is very pain filled. Your support group obviously will tolerate fake recovery and you won’t. Good for you! Stay strong and were here with you.
Love, NapDearest Sisters,
I already feel so much support from you. I just logged on to see if anyone wrote anything and the tears are just flowing. I have to work today so maybe it would better to get on here at night when my girls are asleep. I truly want to thank you for all your comments. They mean the absolute world to me.
I’ll be back later.
Peace,
Dididiane,
i agree with diane above, i think your support group are afraid that it will (that it is) happening to them too.
they aren’t true supporters. they only support you if you are a mirror of themselves. how selfish of them
your decision to look after yourself and your children is YOURS.
there comes a time when you realize he’s not fixable.
damn. and you tried so hard. fuck i hate these guys.
love you though
Didi,
Welcome to SOS.
Keep believing in yourself. It sounds to me like you are a strong woman who has established some good boundaries. I am so sorry that your support group has not shown you much support- it must feel like a double betrayal.
My STBX faked recovery, too. And I kicked him out when I learned the truth. He faked recovery again to keep visitation, and I exposed him yet again. And now he is checking into inpatient therapy for yet another round of fake recovery. Sometimes you can only save yourself and your kids. You aren’t responsible for the SA.
Hang in there, Didi.
Hello DiDi, and thank you for your story. I am so sorry for all of the betrayals you’ve endured. I am also just FURIOUS on your behalf. Your ‘support’ group should come with a warning label! I mean WTF?!?! I think you’ll find SOS to be a welcome change. Love, Liza
DiDi, what a horrible, horrible betrayal. He kept on, knowing the sacrifices you were making. There’s a special hell…
Diane,I am into this a year and half, and I have realized from the begining that this man is very sick and he will never really recover but yet I thought maybe for the sake of keeping a good face he will keep his acts together, he did not,,my problem with him not only his sexual behavior but also his lack of insight, compassion, and kindness,,,
your man is just like mine and like many others, they never recover, they never get better, they just get better at hiding their sickness,,,
Diane it is time for you to focus on only you and your beautiful girl, you are a very strong woman and you will make it,,,I am so glad you moved out
Diane, I echo Diane above.
Other people’s fear can keep us trapped
You know your truths
It is your life
No one else has to live your life – only you – and everyone deserves happinessTake what you need from this site – and come for validation and support x
Didi,
Welcome to SOS, and thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry for your pain, but know you will be supported here, no matter what you choose to do. Good for you for staying true to yourself and your kids. Hugs to you.
Love,
KateDidi,
You were a good wife and stuck by him while he tried. There is only so much you can do without losing yourself in the process. I’m so proud that you made a decision and are sticking with it. You are a realist and your girls are so lucky to have you.
I’m so sorry that you are here….but we are here to support you every step of the way.
Big Hugs,
Deb
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