- This topic has 0 replies, 1 voice, and was last updated 13 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Hello my lovely ladies,
I’ve doing some reflecting this week and I was hoping to get your feedback. Wondering if anyone has experienced similar reactions.
As you know, I am still married to SA and working on recovery/healing. As of late, (excluding check incident) SA H is home every evening, no drinking, or substances, paying bills on time, working on his stuff. He actually does seem more healthy and together. He has bouts still of anxiety and OCD, but not as bad as they were even a month ago. He has stopped use of valium, and as far as I can see, has gone cold turkey. Being more of a family man, changing his lifestyle. Got rid of Party friends.
Ok good. I am glad you got off the self destructive addiction train. But what do I do with the collateral damage you caused me? I cannot help but harbor some resentment here. Perhaps forever. Perhaps even enough to still leave the marriage, cause well, he just sucks. Has been probably will still be, a horrible husband.
I thought his experiencing a sober life would bring healing? And in some ways it is, we have had some really nice family moments and closeness lately. Those moments make me feel anything is possible here.
Then I wake up, think, how long is this soberiety bout going to last? And how much do I resent/can’t stand/don’t want to be with this person– even if sober? even though divorce completely screws me over financially and I could regret it the rest of my life. when will my collateral damage i experience by his addictive behavior be addressed?
Never. so frustrating. Also, concern for my 5 year old– esp while he was partying all the time medicacting, I wouldn’t leave the home because he would get 50% JC. Then what? he drives drunk with her in the car? I wasn’t goin” no where. However, now that the sober train is going– I think why not co parent? If he can stay straight now. why not if seperate?
His sobriety in some ways, almost makes me want to lash out. And reconsider divorce. why am I reacting opposite to what should be a good thing?
am I an emotional retard? I know I’m not, but I feel like one.thanks— love and hugs.
Imagine…Someone literally physically beats you day in and day out for let’s say 5 years straight, and then stops and says, “Ok, I am done, let’s start over from here on out! Sorry, and please pass the orange juice, babe.”
You are left with deep, deep wounds, constant bleeding and infections, scars-you name it-how do you just move on? Part of moving on is him taking responsibility for your healing…that is starting to move on in my opinion…
One mentor told me, “Yes, that frontal lobotomy stuff works well-forgetting everything he has done-IF you don’t want a relationship based on TRUST AND SAFETY. If you want a healthy relationship based on trust and safety, then that stuff has to be dealt with… YOUR PAIN MATTERS!!!!
Watch the instant download of Dr. Weiss’s Helping Her Heal. It cost about $60 I think. I purchased one for myself in DVD form also, to pass out to the in-laws and my parents perhaps. It is good!
Hugs, B. Trayed
- You must be logged in to reply to this topic.