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I wrote a very emotional post yesterday and lost it. It’s ok, it made me feel better to get it off my chest. I needed to calm down.
We had a whole week together. Hours and hours of meaningful conversations. He is reading a book on how to repair our relationship and he said of the 13 things listed he has done 12 of them wrong. He was sincere in his feelings and apologies.
Even with all the talking, I caught him lying. Some of it was so dumb and meaningless. why lye about that? I think it comes so naturally to him, he is always trying to mold his world. So much of this is him lying to himself – it blows me away.
So I calmly told him that we need to divorce and the most we can hope for now is to be decent and respectful to each other. I told him we should get serious about this after Christmas. He begged me to wait a year, then he changed his mind and said ok we will have to file mid December because he is busy in January. So impulsive. flip the switch, ok lets not be married. I can see the sa twinkle in his eye when we talk of divorce, never regret – just upcoming sex. I told him I want a nice Christmas as a recovery from what he did last Christmas. No, not important to him, even though everyone will be here.He is gone for the next two weeks straight, and then he tried to plan a 4 day weekend to Kansas Dec 15 to see packers play. My daughter was thinking about it and he ran with it, It will cost over $1000 for the weekend, probably more. This made me angry, not only the money and time right before xmas. No other adults were going, just a bunch of college kids – and he is going to “hang” with them for 4 days. my daughter would not be in the hotel with him, she has other plans. Ummmm this spells sex with 20 somethings to me ho ho ho merry christmas. I said no way, I think he bought the tickets. Daughter not talking, she is torn, in the middle.
So he was packing (sorry this is so long) and I asked him about something that has been bugging me. I ran into friends of ours at the beach this summer. My h slept with the guys now x wife. They said some things to me that sounded like they knew my h had sex with his wife. My h denied it, absolutely he was positive no one knew. I re asked him yesterday and he said “oh yeah, she texted me right after we had sex that she told her husband and our other friends.” Here I sit looking like the idiot again. people I know, listening to me brag about what a great guy I am married to, them knowing he got a blow job from beth on my boat.
more shit uncovered and then I asked him about the 10 pages of suspect websites I found on his ipad. He blew (I should have just watched his actions!) and started screaming at me. ummm guilt?
He then threw his back pack on and started down the garage stairs (8 steps) and looked at me and said “you are the only one who has a computer problem”. And I screamed at him that all my time was being consumed trying to fix HIS sorry ass!
He turned around and I kicked him right in the back pack and sent him flying down the stairs. Quickly locked the doors, and threw his suitcase, phone and wallet out the front door. He sat in the driveway for along time knocked on the door, I opened it a little and asked for his wedding ring back, he handed it to me and I whipped it out on the lawn and locked the door.I said he would never reduce me to this again. what a scene, thank God the kids weren’t home. neighbors..oh well.
I have gotten 8 email/text messages from him apologizing.
big whip.
he will always be who he is. He will never be who I thought he was. I really need to take care of myself the way I have always taken care of him.
So shopping for a lawyer instead of cyber shopping.
Peace
HeidiI am so very very sorry Heidi.
What a dreadful scene. And all the lead up to it is understandable. I get that moment of realizing that he is not going to ever be the person you thought he was. He is someone else. That’s just the truth. An ugly truth, but the truth. It’s another kind of grief that kicks in, at least it did for me.
Yeah, start taking care of yourself first and foremost every single day. This is always the best first steps, because you begin to see how your whole life was consumed by his problem, his abuse, his needs. Just take one day, Heidi, and only do things that you need for yourself. It’s a shocker, I tell you. It’s like finding the perspective after he’s had YOUR head up HIS ass for too long. Oooooo, that makes me want to wash my hair.
love you,
D.So sorry Heidi,
Don’t have time to write, but want you to know I am thinking of you.
Cindy
{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}Oh, dear girl, I’m sorry! I am off work in an hour if you want to call me or I can call you! Let me know!! XO!!
Perfect!!! Sorry, I would like to claim that one as mine. He had it coming. I hope tomorro is a much better day. Whatever he does, while he’s gone, LIVE IT UP FOR YOU!
All those little things you don’t do when the SA black hole is around, do them for you.I really feel for you. You kicking him then asking for his ring only to whip it out in the front yard. Man, I love it! Keep the gap, don’t close it or he will rerun your ass. Screwing someone else or in his case getting a bj from a mutual friend. I’m sorry but that’s unforgiveable. Your h, unbeknownst to you, put you in a position for all of your friends to gossip about you and your marriage. With gossip comes judgement. That is inexcusable! Be strong…it will get better as you move forward!
I think every one on here has had that absolute crazy moment where you are pushed over the edge and become a stranger to yourself. As much as we are all cheering what you did, we all know how that moment feels. It’s awful. I’m sorry you had to go through that.
Oh, Heidi I am so sorry. I just want to give you a hug. Lying is like breathing for them, I think. I feel so bad that this happened to you after a week of talking and him being seemingly sincere. It’s like a horrible roller coaster ride. There’s no continuity, no predictability.. just getting bashed from guardrail to guardrail. I think you’re strong though.. You’re getting things in motion to set yourself free from him.
Take care of yourself, ok? Thinking of you.
Love,
Annie xoxoDear Heidi,
I am really sorry. 🙁 Try not to give him anymore of your energy, Dear Girl, as you need it all for yourself now? Maybe stop getting details too. You know enough and he loves the drama. Let him star in his own narc show but don’t play best supporting actress? I did and it was a thankless role. 🙁
BIG HUGS Karen xxHeidi,
I want to Kung Fu your h!!! He needs some karate chops to the head and ass!
Thinking of you, love NapOh Heidi,
You’s a kickass, badass, hot mamma and I’m so proud of you! and yet… it is all so very, very sad, because I know the pain and I know the feeling that all of these YEARS later… “THIS” is what it has all come down too?????? and I know… no matter how much we already KNOW, there is always more and then more that we feel compelled to find, because maybe he isn’t “that” bad? Or maybe he’s finally getting it???no.
he’s not. finally. getting. it.
Oh, we so want to believe and ya know what? I don’t even care. Its over. and its over for you… now, we need to put a muzzle on the fucked up mouth of his!
hugs and love,
L
You nailed it lexie. I think we want more and more details to either try to annilate the love we feel for them with solid proof that they are “that bad” OR we are looking for evidence that they are NOT really “that bad”. Hopeless on all fronts. By the time they are through we us we are as looney as they are….until we are not? Karen xx
Dear Heidi–
I know you didn’t mean to kick him down the stairs, but honestly, by default or divine intervention, you probably did the one thing that might have caused him to pay some respect to you. I think you can continue that process of demanding respect by finding the best attorney money can buy (his money!), by cancelling his credit cards and hotel reservations, by selling his Packers tickets on ebay for dirt cheap (surely they’ll be mailed to your house, right?) And you can find out which hotel he’s booked at, right? Of course, I wouldn’t tell him any of this. Let him drive to the game, fake tickets in hand, thinking he has hotel reservations, etc. Then find out he is essentially homeless, with every credit card he has in his wallet cancelled. No gas money. No ATM. No reservations. No game tickets. I swear, I’d bust his balls on every possible chance I had. Not kidding. And then I’d dare him to ruin my Christmas. Because if he thinks that game weekend was bad….. let him imagine the rest of his life with you directing every bad part that happens. I’d get one of those voodoo dolls and put it where he’d find it. Let him think he’s cursed. So help me, he’d never ever mess with one of your holidays again.
Sorry about the rant. I’m just a little bent outta shape about these SOBs and am ready to make some mischief!
Thanks for the support. I am soooooo ashamed of myself. Here I lecture on this site not to go there, and then I did it (again-I almost made it one year) I am taking it as a huge wake up call. I will do no one any good if I end up getting arrested, if my h ends up in the hospital, etc. I am sick of his crazy making. I cannot do it anymore. I am interviewing lawyers next week. I am praying that my lease on my property gets signed soon. I need my h to cooperate with that. Then we can file.
I got 5 emails begging forgiveness yesterday, and he sent flowers with balloons. I printed off the emails and put it together with the “I am very sorry for hurting you, you are a good person, stay strong” (who tells that to the florist??) flower card. Just in case he tries to use this against me somehow.
Why all the apologies? weird hey? This is what he does to get his way. I got it confirmed last night. It has to do with the fact that there are 8 tickets to the kansas city/packer game sitting on his desk at work right now. He ordered them almost 2 weeks ago. soooooo he said that doesn’t mean he is actually going. right, I bet he already bought the airline tickets. fucker. one week before xmas, him and 7 college kids roaming around kc for 4 days. They will love him….he always picks up the tab.
Hey don’t we all wish we could spend 6 days home in Dec. and show up for a wonderful Christmas complete with our favorite Swedish cookies, clean house, and all presents wrapped under the tree? 12 people in my house for the whole Christmas weekend ~ 7 who were part of his shitty christmas last year and are hoping for a better one this year.
so nice of him to pull this.I love your idea rtla! That will kill the party if he has no credit at the bars!!! That is such a good plan! maybe I will lose my wallet and I can freeze the checking account cards too!
and Lexie – that moron should know better than to ever underestimate the reach of my legs! I even surprised myself.
Hugs
Heidi
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