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I have spent time looking through old journals and found some real classic’s that I thought I might share in hopes that the words might help you too.
I do not know where some of the words came from and some of them may be my own creation. If some of these words are from anyone here, I thank you for helping me……
It is not my goal to hate you. But rather to love myself.
In the end, any life situation must be experienced in one of three ways: with accepance, with joy, or with enthusiasm. If one cannot experience a life situation with at least acceptance, then one needs to ultimately change the life situation. Because if one cannot at least accept a situation, ultimately, one will continue to live in one’s past or continue to look forward to some better, future situation. And that is not living in the now; it is not being conscious; it is not being true.
Oh god of second chances,
And new beginnings,
Here I come again!This isn’t about me, it is about what he doesn’t have to give.
He may be an emotional cripple, but you have to separate that.
You don’t trust him right now mostly because you don’t trust your ability to not be emotionally devasted by what he does or does not do.I am living on the border of my old thinking and my new understanding. Always in the state of learning.
What u see as a lack of forgivness is really my determination to protect myself from further heartbreak.
A fatigue within my Being has been setting in that I must awake from to save my Self. I am tired of the emotional distance between us, the deception, the cold indifference, lack of compassion and warmth. Most of all I am tired of being critized and blamed.
There is a strange peace in knowing there is no other place for us to go, except for where we are now. It is not a place I want to be, but such is a life with lovelessness.This is my all time favorite, I don’t know who wrote it, but it really spoke to me:
I continue to experience moments of shock at my situation, moments of grief over what I’ve lost, and moments of fear for the future. I know that whatever the outcome, I still have me….. And thAt is good enough!
hugs,
CindyCindy, thanks for sharing
I know I have used my old journals on bad days as well. I also find little nuggets to work with all over again. I never journaled until this happened. And I think it was a big part of what saved my life.Cindy, thank you for sharing that. What you said here:
“You don’t trust him right now mostly because you don’t trust your ability to not be emotionally devasted by what he does or does not do.” So true. And this is where those so-called experts and their ‘co-dependent’ labels get all farked up, in my opinion. As if they think we were never supposed to be emotionally entwined and affected by the men we chose to share our lives with. Like it was a business arrangement from the get-go. It takes time to see what they’re really like, and I think it often takes repeated exposure to their weirdness in the aftermath..and the awful way it makes us feel.. to eventually get to the point where we realize that feeling that way is just so much worse than avoiding contact with them altogether. And that at least a semblance of peace and normalcy is preferable to getting repeatedly thrown into emotional turmoil over and over again. I’m not there yet, but it feels like something may be shifting a bit. Something that doesn’t really require strength or willpower, but a simple feeling of being tired of that turmoil. I’m just too old for this shjt! 🙂
Take good care of you, Cindy. xoxoCindy
I have started journaling this week . This is the first time in my life that I have journaled and I just want to say that I can’t put it down. Every crazy, sad, happy, questions and thoughts are being written and God I hope nobody ever reads it because they would think I am insane! It really helps, though and I love being able to capture those fleeting thoughts that really make sense….
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