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I’m not getting too excited because I know it can change tomorrow….but my husband just told me that he thinks he is a sex addict. Amazing. Recognition – finally!! Apparently he heard Rick Santorium talk about how sex addiction is epidemic in America (so maybe he wants to join the crowd?) – or maybe it’s that hooker he screwed this morning that told him? (Joann – that’s so sad about Larry’s story about what he did before and after every SAA meeting).
Thanks to Joann – I’ve also turned a corner and I’m going to stop being so obsessed with 12 step program. I do believe that my husband is trying hard to control his addiction (thank you E-blaster) – not sure how long that will last, but I do know that E-blaster has given me peace of mind. He said that he knows he struggles, so I told him to come up with his own ways that he’s going to help control it and that those should come from him. He asked me about the disclosure thing and I said at some point, that I want a disclosure so that I’m never bombarded with a new discovery/disclosure that takes me back to square one.
So – I’m breathing easier today. Not sure how long it will last but I’m basking in my false sense of security (for the time being).
Deb
wow! well – it all comes with the first step apparently- realising you have a problem! bless you deb. But seriously – keep detaching – YOU CANT FIX it. You cant rescue him or persecute him into realising. If you havent already – google the karpman drama triangle. And step out of the boat and let him get on with it himself xxx
Deb,
That is good news, him finally saying the words out loud that he thinks he’s a sex addict. That’s a first step in the right direction. Once said it might lead him down the path of learning about what it truly means so he can internalize the whole concept. My heart goes out to you, and I’m wishing you strength.
Lindyjos1972, it’s funny you mention stepping out of the boat to Deb….I used that example to my children Sun when they came back from spring break and I had to tell them stepdad and I are separated for the same reasons we did last year. They adore him and yet I refuse to tell them why except there were some things he is working on as a person that he started to last year but then stopped which were causing problems in our marriage and now I need time apart to think. I told them to keep in contact with him via text or calling so he would know they support him in getting his act together. I said it’s like he’s in a boat with no way to get to shore. He’s out there drifting and watching us wave at him from shore not trying to help. I told them when they call or text they were reinforcing to him there is a way to get to shore, if it were them they wouldn’t want someone just waving from land. They would want some inspiration to get back to shore……..it was the best I could do at that moment. They seemed to understand it.
Jos, et. al,
Great advice: don’t rescue or persecute. When reading about the triangle – I couldn”t help but wonder if I enjoy trying to rescue – does it give me a buzz?? I can tell you that if so, the buzz isn’t worth it.
I love the boat analogy. I often think about the moat analogy with my SAH and detaching with love. You put a barrier of water around yourself so they can never get too close. If and when you ever feel safe (and no, not when you don’t feel like using BOB), you can put the drawbridge down.
But I kind of like the boat analogy better because there is more water between you and them…..much safer! Maybe I need to add canons to my castle directed across the moat – that might be even better!
Speaking of the boat – I did tell him that I feel sooo much better and can breath easier now that he admits that he has a problem and he needs help in controlling it. I went on to tell him that I also feel at ease because I trust that he’ll figure out how to control it (OK – wishful thinking…..but I do know that it has to come from him).
Deb
Deb
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