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When we first got married at the JP years ago we started the annulment process to marry in the Catholic Church. That’s always been important to me being a cradle Catholic as are my three girls. After everything was done and signed off on by the Diocese and the Tribunal for our civil union to be blessed (it’s called Convalidation ceremony btw), I put the brakes on it. This was because something was very wrong in my marriage and I did not know at the time it was due to a porn addiction. It was another 1.5 yrs before I heard the term pa.
The last few months I’ve accepted the fact that I’m more than likely staying put in this marriage but I have always been bothered that due to not having the Convalidation ceremony I cannot participate in Mass by taking Communion or going to Confession. When my sister asked me to be her twins Godmother I was ecstatic. I have to either be married in the Church or have had my marriage sacramentally blessed to fulfill this duty.
I contacted the Church and spoke to the Deacon who was preparing us for the ceremony years ago when I backed out. I also had counseled with him spring of 2012 re: hubby’s pa when I kicked him out for 6 mos back then.
He was glad to hear that I hadn’t given up on my marriage and that my h and I want to work to stay together. Since everything was done except the actual ceremony, he had me gather a few new documents and said that after conferring with Fr there was one stipulation-we have to see a therapist of his choice and pass the ‘Marital Assessment’ first, due to hubby’s issues. So we went.
And we didn’t pass, of course. It pretty much was a fail when he asked about intimacy to which I said there was none currently. I meant to not go there but it did.
So the form I need my Church to sign and send to my sister’s Church that says I am in good standing with the Church and I’ve received all Sacraments as appropriate (not living in sin thru a civil ceremony) can’t be signed until we continue with therapy with a CSAT and then see the referred therapist again.
I was heartbroken to tell my sister this, she was upset to hear it. So she asked my aunt who is also my Godmother. It’s next weekend and I can’t go bc I’ll be too emotional.
I feel like I’ve tried to be a good person, raise my kids as best that I can in the Catholic faith and the ONE thing I need to happen to be a first time ever Godparent can’t bc of porn. If porn had not been an issue years ago, we would have been married in the Church as planned but Canon Law is clear on being in good standing.
It’s one more thing that his porn addiction has robbed me of.
I’m so sorry Kimberley. I’m sorry that your husband has a pa and I’m fucking pissed off that a church riddled with fucking pedophiles won’t let you be a Godmother to your sister’s babies.
And JoAnn, feel free to add my comment that I converted to Catholicism for my mfpos so we’d be all hunky-dory in the eyes of the Church as the ATM seemed to think that was of more importance than fucking hookers – from a strictly theological standpoint, of course.
You have said it well enough liza.
Here are the posts that were lost in the restore:
One more thing my husband’s porn addiction has cost me (22 posts)
Edit Topic | Sticky Topic | Close Topic | Delete Topic Viewing post 1 to 15 (22 total posts)Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 20 hours, 7 minutes ago:
When we first got married at the JP years ago we started the annulment process to marry in the Catholic Church. That’s always been important to me being a cradle Catholic as are my three girls.
After everything was done and signed off on by the Diocese and the Tribunal for our civil union to be blessed (it’s called Convalidation ceremony btw), I put the brakes on it. This was because somethingwas very wrong in my marriage and I did not know at the time it was due to a porn addiction. It was another 1.5 yrs before I heard the term pa.
The last few months I’ve accepted the fact that I’m more than likely staying put in this marriage but I have always been bothered that due to not having the Convalidation ceremony I cannot participate in Mass by taking Communion or going to Confession. When my sister asked me to be her twins godmother I was ecstatic. I have to either be married in the Church or have had my marriage sacramentally blessed to fulfill this duty.
I contacted the Church and spoke to the Deacon who was preparing us for the ceremony years ago when I backed out. I also had counseled with him spring of 2012 re: hubby’s pa when I kicked him outfor 6 mos back then.
He was glad to hear that I hadn’t given up on my marriage and that my h and I want to work to stay together. Since everything was done except the actual ceremony, he had me gather a few new documents and said that after conferring with Fr there was one stipulation-we have to see a therapist of his choice and pass the ‘Marital Assessment’ first, due to hubby’s issues. So we went.
And we didn’t pass, of course. It pretty much was a fail when he asked about intimacy to which I said there was none currently. I meant to not go there but it did.
So the form I need my Church to sign and send to my sister’s Church that says I am in good standing with the Church and I’ve received all Sacraments as appropriate (not living in sin thru a civil ceremony) can’t be signed until we continue with therapy with a CSAT and then see the referred therapist again.
I was heartbroken to tell my sister this, she was upset to hear it. So she asked my aunt who is also my Godmother. It’s next weekend and I can’t go bc I’ll be too emotional.
I feel like I’ve tried to be a good person, raise my kids as best that I can in the Catholic faith and the ONE thing I need to happen to be a first time ever Godparent can’t bc of porn. If porn had not been an issue years ago, we would have been married in the Church as planned but Canon Law is clear on being in good standing.
It’s one more thing that his porn addiction has robbed me of.#
Profile picture of liza liza said 19 hours, 20 minutes ago:
I’m so sorry girl. 🙁Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of NAP NAP said 17 hours, 44 minutes ago:
Me too Kimberley. It’s like a parasite, pretty soon it affects everything.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of allcat62 allcat62 said 17 hours, 28 minutes ago:
I’m so sorry Kimberley. I’m sorry that your husband has a pa and I’m fucking pissed off that a church riddled with fucking pedophiles won’t let you be a Godmother to your sister’s babies.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 16 hours, 50 minutes ago:
Allcat, BINGO!!
I didn’t want to say it but it crossed my mind!Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Teri teri said 12 hours, 3 minutes ago:
I’m not Catholic, so I felt I shouldn’t say what Catherine said, but it so did cross my mind when I saw your post, Kimberley. And I have to say that I am outraged that you had to answer questions about intimacy with your husband to become a Godmother as well. That is not anyone’s business, and I have no idea how that makes you not qualified. I honestly didn’t know that the Catholic Church had decided how often couples should have marital relations? Their Church, they make the rules.
But you have every right to be hurt. You are a human being doing the best you can and doing a good job- serving your community, taking care of your kids, etc. You should not have to pay for his problems.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of NAP NAP said 11 hours, 55 minutes ago:
I have good friends that are cradle Catholics and they made me their daughters Godmother and at the time I wasn’t even Catholic??? I was part of the baptism and was put on the paperwork.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of ellen Ellen said 9 hours, 14 minutes ago:
Kimberley
Only one godparent or sponsor is required. You could be a witness godparent if the other godparent is catholic. it is all (in my opinion) semantics. Your intent, I think, would be to be a wonderful godparent.
EllenEdit | Delete #
Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 8 hours, 32 minutes ago:
My nephew is the Christian witness so the Godmother must be a Catholic in good standing. The church doesn’t allow two Godmothers or two Godfathers, must be one of each or one CW and one Godparent, but both end up being referred to as the Godparents.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of tmp271 tmp271 said 8 hours, 31 minutes ago:
Kimberly,
I do think you only need one godparent to be catholic. I have worried about this exact same thing. I am Catholic. I am not sure how this all works. I need to make an appointment at my new church~since I moved. If I am divorced, does that mean I can’t recieve communion?
I hate what these men have done to us.DR ahole doesn’t even believe in God. I was the one who has faith and spirituality.
I hope things can be worked out so you can be godparent to those beautiful babies. Please keep us
posted.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of kmf kmf said 8 hours, 30 minutes ago:
Teri, they don’t decide how often a couple must have relations, they simply do not recognise a marriage without sex. If one party deliberately withholds sexual intimacy, it voids the marriage, as in the Church’s eyes, a valid Catholic marriage contains sex. They also will not marry a couple where there is a significant issue that is likely to result in a marriage that cannot be sustained, because of the issue. I suspect this is the very reason the wise priest I spoke to, told me to get out. I think they know better than anyone exactly what a sex addict is (no self identity), exactly what it does to the spouse and the marriage and exactly how poor the odds are for a good outcome. As previously stated, they have some sexual predators within their own ranks and have probably brushed up against this evil at some point in their careers. Much like us, once you see it, you recognise it the next time.
It does seem if you stay with these guys and the losses build up in one form or another. The loss of the right to fully practice your own faith, is quite a big one in my view. I’m sorry about your disappointment Kim. You just are NOT having any good karma these days. 🙁 You must be worn out with all of this.)Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Teri teri said 8 hours, 28 minutes ago:
Well how does that work then? They don’t recognize a marriage without sex but you can’t get divorced? What are you supposed to do?Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of diane diane said 8 hours, 26 minutes ago:
Well I could use a godparent myself, Kimberley. And I’d be honoured to have you be my godparent—-if you can handle me being an ordained United Church minister (protestant)!
hey, I know it’s not much—-but it’s sincere!
hugs, DianeEdit | Delete #
Profile picture of tmp271 tmp271 said 8 hours, 8 minutes ago:
I also had a priest who told me to get out of the marriage. He knew all about sex addiction. He said God would not want me in an abusive marriage.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 8 hours, 3 minutes ago:
Well, thanks Diane. I’m honored.
Teri, under Canon Law there are legit reasons to divorce. Adultery is one. My Deacon said any kind of physical/mental abuse is grounds also in the church, including sex addiction, since it is infidelity, according to the Bible.Edit | Delete # Viewing post 1 to 15 (22 total posts)
One more thing my husband’s porn addiction has cost me (22 posts)
Edit Topic | Sticky Topic | Close Topic | Delete Topic Viewing post 16 to 22 (22 total posts)
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Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 7 hours, 57 minutes ago:
Thanks also Karen for explains that. You nailed it. My iPad went blank so I see it didn’t post this so I’m posting it again. It all sucks. I guess one day all of this will make sense. At least that’s what I try to tell myself.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 7 hours, 55 minutes ago:
Btw Karen, did u see my post under my daughter and her heart thread? Talk about raining and pouring.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Teri teri said 7 hours, 52 minutes ago:
So you have to get divorced?Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Kimberley Kimberley said 7 hours, 45 minutes ago:
Only if I choose to. The Church won’t bless my current marriage until it’s more solid regarding his addiction…….
I’ll take that to mean the ceremony won’t ever happen. Thanks Honey, for all the “gifts” you’ve given me in this marriage. Barf!Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of Teri teri said 7 hours, 39 minutes ago:
I get that, but that’s not anything you have control over. He’s the only one that can save himself…Golly, Kimberley, all this is hard enough without having to deal with the Pope, too. I really feel bad for you about this. I know I just get a sad, sinking feeling in the pit of my gut every time we experience a new loss. It just hurts.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of LynnG lynng2 said 5 hours, 22 minutes ago:
What a confabulated misogynistic world we live in. I am sure creator God does not feel that your having a husband who can’t keep his pants on makes you any less qualified to love and guide a child. Those rules are made by M-E-N and they reflect the fact vividly.Edit | Delete #
Profile picture of cede cede said 2 hours, 50 minutes ago:
Ok I know it was said but REALLY…. you can’t be a godmother because of your husband. THis makes NO SENSE. Can’t they just do it anyway. Is there a godmother policy somewhere out there.
THIS IS CRAZYEdit | Delete # Viewing post 16 to 22 (22 total posts)
I am catholic. I wanted my sister and her husband to be my daughters god parents. My sister is catholic her husband is not. He was referred to as a Christian witness. It was a lovely baptism. That is one way around it if it works for you Kimberley and your sister. I hate that SA stink is on this. It is so fucking pervasive.
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