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In about an hour, my husband has his closing on the refinance of OUR house, in his name only. of course, I will be there to sign the documents to pay off the old loan. Sigh…. One step forward but two steps back emotionally. The house is too big and too much to maintain for me. I knew all along that I wouldn’t try to keep it. He has put alot of sweat and hard work into this place and I understand why he wants to keep it. Still, it makes me sick and sad. We built this place 17 years ago. The thought of someone else eventually living here in my place makes me want to throw up! 🙁 Selling it would have made me feel better, but then again, there’s all the red tape and realtors fee’s associated with THAT and who knows how long it would have taken to sell. Dum Dum got a great interest rate (3.75) and it truly makes the divorce process easier. For that, I should be grateful.
It’s really hard tho, giving up my beautiful home…. But at the end of the day, I know it’s the right thing to do. And I guess we can only pity the next poor soul who is tricked to live here under his fraudulent conditions!
Love you guys….Oh, dear S-L,
I understand. I have never driven by my old house, but I’ve looked at the pictures that are archived on my realtor’s site. It irks me to know I don’t get to enjoy the work I invested in that place. But a least I don’t have to imagine another woman in it with my SA!!
But listen,
the house is also minus your good energy. It isn’t the same at all. Anyone going into it will feel only his energy and the junk he brings into it. All that good energy is with you and you bring it into whatever place you call home.This beautiful home is gone, but you have everything you need to create another beautiful home that will be the sanctuary you deserve.
bright light always,
D.Thank you for that, Diane! It’s exactly what I needed to hear! You guys are truly my lifeline! I WILL make it thru this day!!!
Diane, I love what you just said…and your words ring so true! SL, I know we talked earlier today, but I was thinking about you all day, knowing how hard it must be. I love my house, but my husband has put a LOT of work into it by himself. That’s one gift he has. 🙂 If we don’t end up together at some point in the future, I’m sure I will be in the same boat as you. It’s a heartbreaking thought. As I write this, I know you’re at work right now (bringing home the bacon!) Love you, and I’ll talk to you soon! XOXO
Awwwww…. Thanks Z!! I know you understand! I love what Diane wrote as well! Makes me feel better!!! 🙂
Thinking of you Silver and sending you hugs. It is a reality that is overwhelming. One of the many things that we have to find strength within our soul to cope with. You are an incredible person with an amazing capacity to endure. You have already proven this. Keep it up Silver, we are here for you.
CindySL,
It must be so difficult, but I applaud you for seeing the positives in the situation (interest rate…) I too, would have a difficult time if we divorced and he had the house. I really cannot imagine it. There are so many losses associated with the splitting of two intertwined lives.
I know you and God (in my opinion) can transform your next living environment to be a lovely place that only reflects only you Silver Lining! Your house wasn’t really a home with your h mistreating you. In your next home you can make it the sanctuary you deserve. Like Job’s life in the Bible, the latter part of his life was greater than the former! I believe that can be for ALL of us! Hugs, B. Trayed
Silver-lining – I agreewith b-trayed. A house is only special if you have happiness as well as warm and loving memories.
The house Steve & I built right before we got married has nothing but bad memories for me. The house is gorgeous, and has many of my personal touches. We built it from the ground up, picked all the decor out together and even furniture. When I moved back in this time, all it did was have me re-play all of the tapes of everything he has done to me and I could never be happy here. Hopefully, the house in the country will not bring me bad memories by Steve continuing to trigger and act out. I hope not.You will find so much more happiness when you remove yourself from the old environment and start fresh – All new happiness and whatever good things come your way. I really wish that for you. Your’e a very strong woman and I know you will be fine-just takes awhile.
Hi Silver,
Just saw your post about your house and I hope you are doing okay. Divorce has many loses and Im sorry about your pretty house. I can tell you it won’t be the same place when you leave. Your loving spirit will be gone and it just wont be the same. How long have you been married because you look so young? When you said you lived there 17 yrs I was surprised!You have a positive attitude and strength and courage to do what you are doing. You should be very proud of yourself and it sounds like you have a very good support system.
I think we were both in pretty horrific marriages and to be able to start fresh again (house or no house) is pretty great!
Love, Nap
Hi Silver,
Catching up late on this too. Sorry you are losing your house that you loved. But home is where we make it. That home is full of bad memories and there will be many times or things that will remind you of the bad times. I see a bright future for you! and a home! It will all happen eventually and in time. But all of this has got to feel better than living the crappy life with him. Its sad, i know. But as each door closes another will open. And as you finish each step of this divorce, you are looking back less, and looking forward more…creating your new future. And doing what you need to do for you!
Love to you,
Flora
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