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This is a non SA post. I was wondering at what age do you think adult children (over 18) should be out living in their own place and not in the parents home? Thxs!
I think as long as the kiddo is in College or some kind of training for a job, it is OK. Once they get a job, they should branch on on there own. I believe in helping, but sometimes parents allow their grown children to take advantage. They allow them to live home and contribute nothing. I have told all my children old enough to understand, that they always have a place with me, they cannot live here like a visitor. They must contribute to the household or else they gotta go. Period.
I think 35 yo men living with mom and dad, going out all night,sleeping all day and playing HALO is totally unacceptable,but it seems to happen frequently. They are like boomerangs. You toss em and they come right back. I don’t think staying with the parents should be always the ”go to” solution,but for me it will always be an option for my kids if they really need the help. I could not turn my child away, even if they were 50. 🙂
I am with the mind of Monique. In many cultures and different places around the world families live together. As long as there are healthy boundaries and growth being made and you feel comfortable also as the parent than I don’t see anything wrong with it. I do wonder if it is hard to create those healthy boundaries though?
Depends on each situation I guess.
I agree that as long as they are in school or in transition it is fine for them to live at home. Some take longer to get on their feet than others. It is not unreasonable to expect them to contribute to the household if they live there. You do need to draw the line somewhere though. The 35 yo living at home is a bit much. I have seen plenty of it too. Time for that birdee to fly away 🙂
nap, i really think it depends upon the situation. some cities are so expensive that kids need to stay home a little longer. and if they are in school, they can stay home to avoid starting life in debt… i lived with my parents till i was 21. then i moved to NYC with DW. big change! (big mistake!) i still felt pretty young…. i think past 25 it starts to get a little unusual…
Lots of variables.
My youngest graduated last spring, couldn’t get a geologist job but after two months of constant trying, got a labourer job with Cedagroup, a company that services companies in the oil sands in Fort MacMurry. He works in the tailing ponds, where water used to extract the oil is pumped through a process to return it to certain environmental specs. It’s a fly in fly out job—usually three weeks in Fort Mac, and two weeks back in Calgary. It would be stupid for him to pay rent right now for a place he only used for two weeks out of every five. He also wanted to pay off student loans that he incurred because of our divorce capping our ability to subsidize his last year of his degree. So as part of supporting his career launch and debt repayment, I let him stay in my spare room. But just as often he goes to BC to see his girlfriend, or to a friends cabin to snowboard, or back to Ontario to see his dad. So he’s rarely here for the full two weeks anyway. I’ve told him he can do this until June, or until I have to sell the place if I run out of money. While he was unemployed at the start I requested and got a few hundred a month from my ex to buy food to feed him.
If he wants to stay longer, I will ask him for some money. At that point I expect he will move in with his brother, or his girlfriend with move here. I’m treating this time as extra blessing since he’s been away at school for five years. It’s been a chance to bond again.My daughter lived at home until she was 30. My son left home at 23. In Australia if you live in a big city you can find a good university and usually the course of your choice. It isn’t necessary to move away. My daughter completed her first degree with a double major straight out if high school then worked for a couple of years before starting her second degree. She completed that when she was 28. She was well and truly ready to leave after that but stayed another 18 months to get on her feet financially. I didn’t mind her being at home but it got quite hard in the end because I knew she really wanted to get out. That is the natural course. I would have been concerned if she didn’t leave. I will always have a spare room in my home if either of my children need to come back.
I agree with all the others … I don’t know what exact age but as long as they weren’t just hanging out and using me to avoid responsibility then I would gladly let them stay.
I do think there comes a time when ready or not you must send them away … Even if I had to help with the finances I would prefer them to learn to live on their own.
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