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I said something in another post that made me think of this…
What DO we tell our daughters? Talking to my sons seemed to be logical. Talk to them about how disrespectful this “every guy does it” behavior is. How the images they see are photo shopped and the woman in the videos are acting. None of it’s real. And I’ve talked to them about how all of this is addicting and that just like any addiction it will destroy lives and relationships. I figure that’s the best I can do.
I’ve told the same thing to my daughters. But since I had no clue what I was getting into, I have NO ADVICE for what to tell them to look for in order to avoid this. What am I supposed to say? “Spy on your husbands girls!!!” I’ve discussed relationships. What kind of things to watch out for to spot a boy with some telling traits that are a bad sign. And I’ve had my daughter come back and say, “Mom… you were so right!” But my H definitely didn’t have any of those traits.
Have any of you talked to your daughters about this? What have you said? What advice have you given?
I have been talking to my 4 daughters and my son. much easier to talk to my son – he gets it.
My sister said I have to stop or my girls are all going to be lesbians!
my daughter is 6. I tell her this.
1. If you meet a boy you like, watch how he treats his mother. How he behaves in front of, feels toward his mother, is how he will feel toward you. Always look at behavior.HOW I WISH I DID THIS IN MY OWN LIFE!!
Heidi,
As I always say, if I had a gay bone in my body, “I’d” be a lesbian, lol!!!
No worries tho, not a chance! >:)Pam,
AMEN a thousand times!!! What a red flag this was–wish I had you there to give me advice 20+ years ago!!!
xoxo,
JulieI think if we are clear about what we will and won’t tolerate in a relationship that is the best gift we can give them. Children learn what they live. The same sex parent is the most influential.
Love, NapI told my daughter, she had overheard enough and she is 15. Now she wants to move out. I can’t really blame her. BUT she wants to move to her boyfriend’s house because his mom is so cool. They do everything with her. That can’t happen, obviously. But I can’t tell her she has to stay here.
Heidi, I told my daughters I’d prefer they be lesbians. They’ll never come home accidentally pregnant.
Pam, Ugh!!! My H adored his mother.
Nap, My H’s secret life is in no way apparent in his “real” life. The kids seem as fooled as me. My daughter had a writing project for school. She decided to write an “Ode to Dad” with reasons why she loved him. One of them was, “Because he loves my mommy so much and treats her so good!” She wrote it 3 days after the third d-day. The look of guilt on my H’s face was priceless. My other daughter told me, “I want a boyfriend who follows me around like a puppy dog like Dad does to you!”
Lynn, Every body else’s parents are always cool! That’s because they never ground them. My kid’s friends think I’m cool and my kids greatly disagree. Why can’t you tell her she has to live there?
Daughter has proven that she will call DSS whenever she thinks I’m infringing on her “rights” and then contact her dad on facebook or some such silliness because he can’t even keep a phone for a year at a time (not H, my ex) and then ex calls the police and reports abuse. It starts a whole cascade of events. Then she misses school the next day, and then the principal and the counselors send home notes that i have to be there or …. and it’s a whirlwind of stupidity. All because her dad gets his jollies from disrupting my life however possible through her. He won’t pay child support, or even keep a constant address or phone number so the children can actually have a relationship with him, but he’ll put the screws to me whenever possible. And I’m worried that this SA thing will give him leverage if she does call. Then it will be another investigation of my parenting skills, which ex has initiated 3 times since I left. The DSS workers alway apologize profusely for the repeated intrusions, and never have any findings to report. But ex loves to run me throught the shredder called DSS when he can.
Plus, how can i ask daughter to trust that SAH won’t behave inappropriately to her. I can’t trust him completely and though there’s no indication he would approach her, there’s no proof he won’t either. It’s killing me to even write that. Those questions are pushing me to do what is not feasible financially or emotionally.
Thinking of sending her to my mom, though she’d die of boredom there.
That explains it. No doubt.
OMG… not only is your husband potentially related to mine… I think your ex husband may be related to my ex husband too. I bet we could exchange ex horror stories for WEEKS!!!! My favorite one is when my XH made a website with my photo on it claiming I kidnapped our kids. He then researched my H online… located a ton of email addresses of people from his life and mine and sent out the link. He even included a real police phone number to call “with any information.” It was so unreal.
His crap went on for 8 years after our divorce. Always with the reminder: Take me back and this will all end. If not, I will make your life a living hell. (I have him on tape saying it)
We had psychological evals for the custody battle. The only thing of “significance” on mine was an elevated “paranoia.” The evaluator put in the report that this indicated that I possibly felt someone was “out to get me” but that they didn’t find it of “concern” because it seemed as if, in fact, somebody was. They found nothing of significance on my ex’s. Apparently asshole isn’t a DSM-IV disorder.
I laugh about it now looking back at how outrageous it all was. But I was NOT laughing then. Not at all.
I don’t know how you deal with that AND your H’s crap. You’re going to be canonized a saint one day Lynn. I’m sorry 🙁 You’re tough. Remind me not to get on your bad side.
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