- This topic has 11 replies, 9 voices, and was last updated 12 years, 9 months ago by
.
-
Posts
-
Someone must be lifting me up in their prayers. And if it is anyone here, oh, God bless you. I promise to do the same.
I feel spiritually connected these days. And while I have my moments of weakness, etc., I overall have a vision for my future, for the first time EVER. and it is without H.
That there is a way out. That a divinely inspired escape route is being made. That I can safely get out. I can’t tell you why I believe this. But I believe that a divinely inspired path and life is being created for me. Or that every moment I feel safe and secure, (I don’t). But i believe that there is a different life for me and my beautiful child. A divinely inspired blessed life for me and my daughter – one where she can see her mother shine, laugh and be full of love.
it will never happen otherwise. living with an addict is hell and misery and pain and burden. it is dark, all encompassing and seeps into our minds and hearts like a poisonous gas. it is invisible, yet it is there.
I am forty two years old. And I have felt 80. I have had adrenaline pump through my veins from all the attacks and arguing. I have a heaviness in my chest I cannot explain. I believe one night when I will be alone in my new place, the heaviness will crack, I wll cry and I will release. and i will live 10 years longer ( or more) than if I stayed with that messed up man.
I wasn’t doing anyone, including myself any favors by staying in the damn marriage. my daughter, no one benefited. only the narc did.
The dark side always wants us to believe we have no way out. That we have no moves left- that our opponant’s (our H’s) have the power. They don’t. We do. It may cost us something, it may hurt like hell, but once our feet are on a new path–the past can’t hurt as much. I can’t explain it. But I can feel it.
There will come a time where we won’t even be ablet to believe we lived with such pain. That we were allowed to be treated with such cruelty. It will be unfathomable because our lives will be filled with goodness and love. Goodness and love doesn’t come to sicko’s. or, to those stuck living with them. the sicko takes it all away .
out from under it all. out from under.
Pam,
Right on!!! You can see the light and you’re going to LOVE being single, believe me !Love, Nap
I LOVE this post Pam! So well said and explained. You are already becoming YOU and this new woman is like a butterfly peeling out of the cocoon. God guide you and keep you and your little girl safe and moving toward the light. Karen xx
Pam,
I love this. You are really inspiring me right now. You have a lucky little girl. That which doesn’t kill us? Yes, I see it making you stronger already.Big hugs,
Julie (ZG)Pam. I just love where you are walking. We can feel the truth. Stay there. Settle down. It’s where you belong.
D.xo.Yes Pam I think there is a divine intervention here as I feel the strength, the wisdom and the calmness in your posts, you had made me feel so much better when we discussed the children situation, you are powerful woman with so much resources, yes this f narc will bite his fingers with sorrow to have lost such beautiful wise woman, he had it all and he threw it out like a fool,,,
I am also praying all the time praying for guidance and strength, and I feel sometimes some serenity, as I feel that God is answering my prayers, I think believing in a fair great power above and beyond the narcs, the society and the court and the law system is what keeping me sane and keeping me balanced, as I know he can not get away with all the hurt he had caused,
that even he may appear to be in a position of strength, and power now, he appears to be the predator but he is not, he had mostly hurt himself, as you had said in previous posts, he is the one who is going to live with himself for the rest of his life, and what a great punishment that is.
me, you , all the women who are hurt anywhere in the world, and our children will be free of them one day or anotherSo sister stay the conduit for that great power out here as the light is pouring on us through you, you are guiding many here with your love and strength.
thank you all. staying and walking inthe truth, takes discipline. the sa is always ready and waiting to suck us back down the hole. and also our own weaknesses, of wanting to believe them.
he keeps asking for another child. there was a time when this was all I wanted for our family. this is HARD stuff ladies. just plain HARD. and I get tempted by it, — but there are other ways to have children in your life. besides getting pregnant by an abusive / SA / PD / Narc.
My Dad is the best. He told me this, on the baby thing– its just one more way for him to control you. get out. just get out.
amen. I now need to walk in these new shoes.
Pam,
Your dad is a wise man! If my dad was still here he would have told me the same….he Loves you!Love, Nap
Dear Harmony,
Btw thanks for compliments. But I want you to know that I really appreciate you sharing your life, and concerns over custody / children as well. You are inspiring to me too. I don’t feel wise. I don’t feel confident. but i do feel I am making the right decision. it still feels sad, hurtful and awful. but there are other ways to have children in life. or enjoy children in life, than with my present psycho STXH. let some other woman have his kid, and let him kick her around. leopards don’t change their spots. let someone else deal with the madness.
I hear you on the planning phase. I too am somewhat there also. As seperate residences are not established yet. and we need more money for attorney’s fees. life is on hold just for a bit. The slowest months for his biz are march and april. so i know its coming. trying to work on my credit profile, etc so I can make a move. but, if he acts like a psycho–i am borrowing money from boss, eating humble pie and going. i will file with court myself if I can’t afford the attorney fee.
but you will do what is right Harmony. You are a loving caring Mom who has suffered much trauma. Protect your assets.– Your business– what has attorney advised so far? there can be advantages to the fact you have not filed anything yet. You can move money around. put business in another person’s name. have you be an employee. then file. just a thought. because he will get whatever he can from you.
My situation is the reverse. His business — I am a 49% owner. sucka. I can literally screw this guy to the wall–legally.
but that’s where my escape route comes in. if i don’t get aggressive about taking my half, and having him liquidate and buy me out, he will control himself. and happily pay child support and alimony in lieu of me taking half his business.
I am buying my freedom. buying it– to great extent.
- The forum ‘Divorce’ is closed to new topics and replies.