Pat’s Story–I Have Come To The Realization That My Husband Is A Sex Addict

Hello, my name is Pat, and the reason I am finally writing on here, is because I have come to the realization that my husband is a sex addict.

My story is so similar to the ones I have read on your site. I have been with my husband for 20 years, and have two teenage children. My first discovery of any infidelity was in 2006. I confronted him with inappropriate text messages, which he could not deny. He confessed to having sexual contact with at least 10 women, whilst I was so busy running our business, working all hours, and trying to raise my children.

I was devastated. He then blamed me, for not being available, blah blah blah, and that it was easier for him to engage in this acts, as they where free from any emotion and solely for his own satisfaction.

Prior to my discovery our relationship was always lacking intimacy, as he always seemed so emotionally distant from me, and I would often ask him why he would always avoid any intimacy with me. He would always come up with excuse after excuse, blaming pressures of running the business, money, family commitments etc. As he was always a good provider, and seemed committed to his family and business, I just thought that, one cannot have it all in a relationship, and constantly made excuses for his lack of emotion to me. [More…]

He promised me he would never do it again, and then, I went on to prove to him, that I can be a good wife to him in the bedroom. That lasted for a few weeks, and then slowly that stopped. Things went back to “normal’. and I naively accepted that my husband was now, not messing around, as I would still check up on him, but found nothing.

Three years went by, and I continued to run our business and support him in all the financial decisions that he made. (everything we own, is solely in his name ). He had a close friend of his visit him, so I decided to bug his car, as something inside of me, had a feeling that something was still wrong. Well, what I heard on this tape shook my world again. He bragged, to his friend that he had a women in 2007, whilst I was abroad visiting my dying mother. I confronted him with my evidence, and he was furious that I had invaded his privacy, and then asked me if I had taped him at any other time in the car. I said no. I did not pick up on this comment, as i was raging as to what I had just discovered.

I cannot put into words my hurt and devastation, as at the time my mother had indeed died, and I was dealing with so much, I was in a state of shock. It was xmas time as well, and my children were looking forward to spending time with my family, who live abroad. What could I do? I knew my kids would be upset at not having their father there at xmas, so I decided to continue in the relationship, as he convinced me, this incident happened years ago. ( even though he promised he would never do it again).

I had hit rock bottom. my dilemma was complicated, as if i decide to leave him, I would take the kids back to my country, so access for him would be very limited. I did not have the right to do this to my kids, and deny them their father, who loves them very much.

I slowly and painfully came to terms with my fate, and as financially, our business was struggling, I saw no way out. I continued to work hard and try to keep the peace for the sake of my children. I also knew that if I divorce him, my entitlement would not amount to much, even though he is worth at least two million, on paper. the law would favour him, as everything is in his name. Even though I have made constant demands that certain property be transferred into my name as well, due to lack of disposable income, this was never done.

It took me a good year, to regain my self confidence again, and to be able to think straight, as to my next move. I remembered his comment about the tape. So, I started to play at detective again. Well this time, I discovered a completely secret life, of visits to various prostitutes, and also some involvement, emotionally, with another women.

I have been tracking him for a few weeks now, and have found this out in a short space of time. He has no idea that I know, as now I have to gather as much evidence as I can of his secret life, and then I will make my move. I have sought advice from a lawyer, and he informs me that any proof that I can provide, will be good for my case.

In a funny sort of way, I feel relief of finally putting together some of those pieces of the jigsaw puzzle. The truth will finally set me free.I look back at our relationship, and so many instances that never made any sense, all seem to be so clear now. All the lies, and deceit. the excuses. I watch him lie now, and still find it so amazing as to how good he says them. He is a very well respected and connected person in our community, and I do hope for the sake of the children, that I will not be forced to damage his reputation, as he is the father of my children.

I gave my heart and soul to this man, who has shattered, betrayed, and used me. I had so much love to give, and all he gave me was two STDs. I feel resentment, of my wasted love on a man that was never capable of loving me, only capable of lying and taking advantage of me. I was in love with an illusion I created in my own mind. True to say that “love is blind’.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and, as you can appreciate, I have to protect my true identity.