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Have you ladies experienced physical, real pain from all of this? For the past 2 weeks my whole body is aching. I’ve always carried stress in my upper back but now all of my joints hurt. I feel like i have tennis elbow in both arms. It hurts to lift my cup of coffee and carrying heavy grocery bags is painful. I have low back pain now (never really had that unless i exerted myself pulling weeds or something like that), my head feels detached from my neck, my hips and feet hurt, and i’m constantly stretching to relieve the body aches. I find myself rubbing my jaw muscles and temples and twisting my wrists because everything hurts!
Jules
When I first found out, I felt so sick and ached all over. I would make myself go to work and do the daily things that needed to be taken care of, but I’d be in bed by 8 o’clock, because that was as much of the day as I could stand. This went on for a few months. It was terrible. All I could eat was sugar-free ice cream, which didn’t help. Lack of nutrition, sleep, etc., led to my hair falling out and my nails becoming brittle…Occasionally, I’d get a massage (when the SA would throw me a bone in the form of a gift certificate), and I’d be surprised by how much it hurt.
TRY to eat right. Take vitamins. Get out in the sun. Don’t let him rob you of your physical health as well as your mental/emotional health. You have a long fight ahead of you, my dear. You need your strength.
I hurt everywhere too Jules. I have not been taking care of myself either. I can`t sleep half the time and I am not eating in a very healthy manner. I also believe that stress releases adrenalin and hormones that make you feel terrible….
Exercise is supposed to be great for all of it. I was working out 5 days a week and after DDay… I quit. I could barely drag myself around much less exercise. Maybe a simple walk would help ?
Massage Therapist/nurse/mother hen coming out here:
Bev you are right – adrenaline and stress hormones do a horrible number on the ligaments.
It can actually damage them over a long period, leaving you subject to injury and decreased range of motion. This causes joint pain, muscular pain, and the resulting stiffness can create a spiral of pain~less activity~minimized circulation~build up of toxins~more pain.
Redjules – The ways I was taught to handle this physical stress overload other than being able to remove the stressor and return to normal activity, is:
Move – Do anything and everything you can to get your circulation moving. Walking is fine, you don’t have to do an hour long weight routine or spin class. Dance, swim, hike, garden, do anything to be moving that you really enjoy. It will make the prospect of doing it a joy instead of a chore.
Sweat – 20 mins a day, excercise induced is best, but if you just can’t manage it a sauna or even very hot shower will do. It helps your body release toxins.
Drink – LOL, yeah that would be nice, eh. Just drown all our sorrows. and they disappear? NOT! I mean water, a lot, at least 64 oz a day.
Rest – which your body is screaming for, is critical.
Feed yourself well – Dark green leafy vegetables, kale, bok choy, spinach, field greens, RAW, for the vitamins leached from your system by the stress hormones, and the minerals necessary to remylenate damaged neural tissue (medical world used to say this was impossible, thank God that was refuted) and build enzymes from the protein you ingest so it can repair subsequent muscular damage. Cooking damages these so if you must cook your greens, use minimal heat to get the texture you need to be able to eat them. I like them raw. AND… avoid processed sugars, of course.
Postive feedback – Find someone who is a really good hugger and visit them regularly. Keep a pet. Watch fish. Just give yourself as many small pleasures as you can squeeze into your life to counter the burden you are facing. What would your best friend do for you? Do that as much as possible.
Thank you for asking this question, because I have to remind myself to do these things daily, too.
I also read somewhere that the lymphatic system gets overwhelmed… I don`t even know what that is but exercise was suggested. They said jumping rope or a trampoline was very good for this? We have a trampoline and I have been tempted to just go jump:)
Short answer . . . YES.
I’m still working on a draft about how all of the months of stress finally landed me in the ER last Sunday. DA is coming home today (after working out of town for ten days) but I’ll try to get it posted when he isn’t lurking around. I didn’t know until late last night that he was coming back today, and I have a few things to take care of before he gets here.
Thank you, Lynn, for the sound advice.
Janet, I am so sad to hear this has lead to your having to visit the hospital. But you are wise to seek the help you need, and hopefully they were able to provide some help.
Bev – YES, the lymphatic system does get overloaded too. And it doesn’t have a pump for the circulation like the blood has the heart. It works on muscle movement and gravity, which, go figure, isn’t happening if we’re in bed depressed and stiff. It’s a double whammy. Not fair at all.
Just got to keep moving, somehow
I could write pages and pages about how stress affects the 11 body systems negatively and the feedback loop that creates.
You ladies have no idea what strength you have to fight this and still function. It’s almost beyond comprehension how much willpower it takes. You know, I am sure, from your personal perspective. Knowing it clinically, though, is awe inspiring.
HATS OFF to us all!
Lynn, that’s terrific advice. The only thing I’d add that I did (and still do) is to take an adrenal supplement. In those first days after my SA’s intervention I’d find myself with a racing heart while sitting totally still. I took my pulse and it was 160. That was my new resting heart rate for a while. I doubled up on the adrenal supplements and it helped me get through.
Love this post! Thank you Lynn for the wealth of information. You are quite special to help us that way.
I’m going to go take a vitamin! And Horsey, what are adrenal supplements? Do you get them at the store or are they a prescription?
I’m moving quite a bit with the physical therapy and walking the property to feed and clean donkey poo up! Love my life in that respect!
Much love, Claire
Yes, Jules. Joint pain, my thumbs have become pretty useless, and there’s this constant exhaustion I can’t shake. I don’t know how much of this is stress, and how much is just being 56 and not getting exercise, and being a heavy smoker to boot. And I’m on 60 mg Paxil for anxiety, which really helps turn me into an amoeba as well. I can’t decide if I’m using the excuse of the stress and trauma of the past year to be a slug, or if this really has had a physical effect on me. I just know that the littlest things seem like way too much effort. But I wasn’t a ball of energy even before all this happened, so I just don’t know. But in any case, I am really sorry for the physical pain that you and so many other sisters are experiencing. And Lynn and Horseyrider, thank you so much for the great advice. Wishing all my sisters physical and emotional healing. xoxo
I definitely have physical pain. For months, I said I felt like I had been hit by a truck. Now it mostly feels like I have been punched in the gut. Still have trouble eating and sleeping. No energy for much exercise. Heart palpitations.
The most important thing for me is to get breaks from divorce, STBX, and SA stuff, see my therapist (who does EMDR and somatic experiencing), and talk to/see friends and family. The biggest #1 thing is the breaks. This divorce has been brutal, absolutely toxic.
Thanks ladies…i thought i was just a hypochondriac!
Bev – I too was working out regularly. I was going to zumba 3 times a week and the gym once or twice on top of that. I was in GREAT shape. After all this i just quit going. I don’t have the energy.
Lynn – thanks for the great information…i’m trying, I really am but don’t have much of an appetite, except for a bottle of wine, that is. I will start taking a vitamin.
Horsey – I’m the same way! My heart will just be racing and i’m laying in bed! There seems to be nothing i can do to relax. It just eventually slows on its own.
I just can’t believe how this affects us. It’s criminal.
Love, Jules
Hi
barb steffens has a whole list of ailments in her books that are very common to the traumatized partner.It is crazy how this affects us physically. Stress, I have learned, does a number on our bodies. When I was about 6 months pregnant I was having excruciating headaches and chest pains. My doc ended up admitting me in the hospital for it, since I was pregnant. After a million tests everything came back ok. I was so embarrassed b/c it ended up being just stress and tension headaches. Two nurses tried coming in and seeing what things were going on that would cause such bad migraines. I just sat and cried. Jules, you are so right, it is criminal what this shit does to a spouse/partner.
Lynn, that is some great advice…definitely need to be eating better…when I do have an appetite.
One thing I need to get back into is yoga. I had some severe PTSD after the birth of my 2nd baby (a long story for another day) and I started yoga, WOW it really aides in relaxing the mind and letting things go. I really need to find some time to fit that in:)Lynn.. You need to start a new topic and be our “health ” leader! I bet we could all use a push and some good info. Even if we just started one small step a day it would help?
I am planning on trying the dark leafy greens tip.. I like veggies and I like them raw just fine. Maybe that, more water,a vitamin, and a walk… It`s a start:)
Thank you Claire (((hugs)))….my SA she didn’t make me feel pretty. I enjoy seeing everyone’s picture when i read posts, so i wanted to post one too.
Love, JulesGreat topic, Jules. How truly tragic that our bodies betray us as well…. After DDay, I developed ALL of the symptoms of Rheumatoid Arthritis (as well as more gastro-intestinal symptoms than I care to mention). I was in the process of changing health insurance carriers at the time and was deathly afraid of being branded with a Scarlet “A” for Arthritis on my medical records so I didn’t seek treatment. I’ve always been VERY proactive with my medical care, and it FREAKED me the fuck out not getting the immediate treatment recommended. Long story short, my symptoms eventually went away on their own, and I’m back to my pre-DDay self. It was, however, a total wake-up call. I no longer take good health for granted. Or have ZERO illusions that mental health and physical health aren’t inter-related.
Nothing surprises me at this point concerning what stress can do to your physical condition. Diane, I recently got Barbara’s book, and that was the first chapter I turned to.
Kate said: “Jules, you are so right, it is criminal what this shit does to a spouse/partner.”
Amen.
Jules, you are beautiful inside and out — like all of the incredible women on this site!
I don’t feel like my body betrayed me. I feel like it gave me all it could even when I stopped eating and sleeping, and dosed it with high volumes of stress hormones. It hung in there and here I am. I’ve abused my body all my life–eating disorders, alcohol, etc., and I owe it a debt of gratitude for staying alive.
Good Point, March,
I know exactly what you are talking about being a recovering alcoholic I have abused my body as well. Now it’s time for nuturing and hopefully as time goes on i will be healthy enough to handle anything that comes my way.
Much love, Claire
Lynn, I appreciate all the health and nurse advice help I can get. You are very knowledgeable, and we also have the resources of Sharron, who is also a nurse.
I do have a forum group called ‘Health’ if anyone would like to post questions or symptoms or insights. I am also working on an eBook about the health issues that we all experience due to the trauma and stress. As some of you may remember, my pap smears (I am due for another one soon) came up abnormal after years of being normal (Larry infected me with HPV), and I also suffered hair loss, lack of sleep, racing heart and all the other symptoms of extreme stress.
This is a very important topic for all of us, so, Lynn, Sharron and anyone else who has something to offer, just post away.
All of your insights are valuable, professional or lay, and I really appreciate the help with the writing. I an stretched pretty thin right now.
Love to all ~ JoAnn
My hypothyroidism went nuts. B. Steffens mentions this one. symptoms included exhaustion, depression, elevated cholesteral (sp.?), weight gain in the middle and face, broken nails, dry skin, and more.
It took me over a year and a half to get any synthroid because my doctor chose to believe I was just a fat complaining fifty year old. Meanwhile my self-esteem was in the toilet because I didn’t even recognize myself in the mirror—who was this round faced pudge? I still have a hard time but with some dietary supplements I am managing it, even though I’m sure I’m underprescribed. The tests say the normal range is between 1-6. I had to wait until it hit over 7 before she would treat me. But if my normal is actually 2 (which I pretty sure now it is), when I am at 4 (which I am now on my synthroid) i actually have most of the symptoms. But because my number is in the range the doctors don’t want to adjust to dosage even thought I still have the symptoms.
Fucking assholes. As if I don’t have enough to deal with I have to do their bloody work too.
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