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As most sisters know, my mother and oldest brother attacked me 3 weeks after the divorce was finalized. I had PTSD very badly then and they retraumatized me so much so it took months to get back where I was. I went ‘no contact’ with my mother (who had covertly abused me since childhood) to cope and realizing she is a malignant Narcissist and I was her scapegoat I chose to end our relationship. She has triangulated my 3 brothers so much that I have heard from none of them in 2 yrs. Basically since my mother manipulated my eldest brother into a gang attack on me. It was all premeditated and it was hurtful and cruel. My mother and brothers are very financially well off. My mother disinherited me about 6 months ago.
I have accepted and ‘moved on’ as best I can. I just make it financially and am doing okay. When I think of my family
I miss them because it’s a very alone existence not to have any of my FOO but I have made my friends my family and I have my two daughters.Two days ago I got a letter in the mail from my mother. She has sent me a letter early on when this all happened and I never opened it because my PTSD was so bad. With this letter I thought maybe she is reaching out to ‘start over’ maybe meet in a neutral place just to have lunch or something. So I opened this newly sent letter and read half of the first page and couldn’t read anymore. Said she had to put a new deck on her house and is financially compromised and is demanding I pay her $20,000. She said horrible things about me and what a terrible person I was plus a terrible daughter and mother. It hurt so badly I had to call my therapist 5 times in the past few days. She’s threatening to take ‘legal action’ against me. She has the money to do it and she knows I dont have any money and it just all really traumatized me again. Why is she doing this to me???
She is a miserable person and a bully. You are her scapegoat and she is a predator. Let her try to take you to court. How could you possibly owe her anything.
NAP, Wow, she is a piece of work. What a shit mother. She reminds of the grandmother on “Malcolm in the Middle”- at least that is how I picture her when you write about her. She tried to sue her daughter and their family on the show.
What is the basis of her claim? Is there any validity to it? I am thinking not- that you would know it if she asked you to sign a loan or anything. No matter what the circumstances are, she’s terrible to kick you when you are down.
I don’t know what makes her tick Nap. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine why she thinks you owe her any money.
Try to regain your equilibrium and focus on getting back to a calm state. Put the letter aside and try not to worry about it until you can speak to your therapist. She has no legal recourse to collect any money from you unless you signed loan papers ( Daisy can be more help with that part).
Would it help you any to write her a letter back? You don’t have to send the letter but it helps to write it all down.
I have written scathing, awful things down and just saved them for a couple of days and when I was more calm I went back and deleted them. It helped some….
Nap, put the letter back in the envelope and seal it if you can. Write in big black letters RETURN TO SENDER. And put it in the mail. Any and all letters she sends do that. I sent my FILs letter back that way and I have not regretted it at all. Words are powerful, and I did not want to give that ass any power over me. Don’t let your shitty mother use your emotions to maintain power over you. When we read something, it is as though that person is talking to you. But because the words are written, we mull it over, reread it. Deconstruct it. Try to find hidden meaning etc etc. Do not let her have that. Fuck her and her sick self. No mother treats a beloved daughter that way. She is no mother. She is pulling a power play. That’s what bullies do. Don’t allow her to destroy your peace. Not any of it. I’m sorry she did that to you Nap. I had an alcoholic mother who played these games all the time. You have to completely detach from toxic people. She only wants to hurt you. Don’t give her the satisfaction. I’ll be thinking of you Nap. Hugs
Thanks sisters. No I do not owe my mother any money, never signed any note of anykind. I did tuck the letter away and my plan is to ‘move forward’ and let it go or she will just poison my life if I let her. My therapist says she is very cold and evil and has no empathy for me. I agree and I can’t let this person stop me from living my life. I’m not going to fear her rath. She also said inside she has to be a miserable person to do what’s shes doing. I would agree. Thank you for your suggestions all.
Love you, NapNap, first here’s a giant hug.
I don’t understand this at all. What grounds does she have to take you to court? YOu don’t have anything to do with her deck. I mean you didn’t take a chain saw to it, did you? Not that I would blame you if you did.She’s a wicked wicked person. I don’t want you to engage her at all. She’s desperate to get some of her poison into your life. I have noticed that these people can’t marinate in their own evil very long or it will kill them, so they often launch these insane attacks just to get some of the poison out.
You deserve a real mother. You deserve love and compassion. This is not a mother, it’s a monster.
imo
D.xoNAP, that must have really killed after you gave her that little bit of the benefit of the doubt and opened the letter. It’s a hard lesson- never ever ever give them any benefit of the doubt. Just stop the whole hope thing. Protective armor at all times.
My dad sent me a letter once about what a horrible person I am. He didn’t try to sue me. But it was really not fun. I wish I would have kept it bc now I think it would be a kind of badge of honor that I came from that and I am still a good person. Or something like that. So I agree with you to tuck it away.
I hope your PTSD gets better soon. NAP. And I hope your egg donor dies a quick and painful death in the near future.
Dear Nap, I know how painful this must be for you and I’m very sorry for that pain. You’ve done a good job ridding your life of her toxicity and you need to keep doing that. Don’t worry about the threatened lawsuit. I bet it is a bluff. A cruel one, but still a bluff. If she does happen to file a lawsuit and again, don’t worry about it until it happens, hire an attorney to defend you and ask for attorney fees for malicious and fraudulent litigation. Without a note or any proof that you owe her money, her attempt to make you pay for her new deck is frivolous litigation at best. You will win the suit, I promise.
Tuck the letter away. Consider it proof that you made the right decision eliminating her from your life. When she dies, burn the letter on her grave.
Much love to you dear Sister. You deserve so much better!
DaisyNap you are one sweet person and I can’t imagine how anyone could do this to another person let alone a mother to a daughter. I’m praying for her demise. xo
NAP, you did not need that shocker. What a narc move, she is a disaster as a person and a nightmare as a mom. I am so sorry, but you have made great progress in putting boundaries up. Guess the sisters are right, new boundary= all correspondence return to sender. If there is any REAL legal action, you will know in plenty of time to respond. And it will not be as ugly to you personally, as sad as that is.
Thanks sisters for your kind responses. I think she is not a very happy person however she would never admit it. She thinks shes perfect.
Great words from the sisters. I think she’s evil and sits around trying to drum up ways to hurt you.
You had the last word, in essence, by cutting her out of her life. THAT bugs her. She’s not able to control you any longer or hurt you so she does one better and is trying to now control you with fear.
She knows your financial situation is her hot button, as it is yours.
You were smart to not react.
Ignoring her drives her crazy or she wouldn’t be contacting you once in a blue moon about stupid shit.
Was it a deck she wants built onto the house?
I hope it fucking falls on her, then maybe all you’ll see will be two ruby red slippered feet under the pile.
Dumb bitch
Loved that Kimberley, especially the ruby slipper part. She has a one story house and had quite a large deck added on to the house in the backyard when she bought it 20 yrs ago. I guess she had to replace it and didn’t like what it did to her $1.6 million portfolio.
I agree with Kim. Narcs cannot STAND to be ignored. Who is going to be her scapegoat now????
I’m really sorry Nap. It is an overwhelming and heart breaking thing to discover your husband is a true narc. BUT. To have the one who should love you most- your mother- be a narc…that must certainly be a special kind of hell for you. I hope she dies soon. Once she does….maybe you can fix things with some of your brothers…once she is out of the way. Nasty old bitch. HUGE HUGS
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