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It is with a bittersweet sadness that I ask you all to welcome our newest Sister, tine.
This has been a busy week for new Sisters and the sadness that I feel for all of their pain is somewhat softened by my optimism for them because they sought out and joined the Sisterhood.
Tine wrote this in her profile:
Husband is a sex addict. I discovered a little over a year ago. He has been sober, but I am not sure about the relationship lasting.
Welcome tine, and your doubts about your relationship are well founded. Often sobriety, even complete sobriety, is not enough to make up for the hurt or to change the ‘real’ man we are with.
You will find a lot of discussions here about that very subject.
We are all here for you tine, just let us know what you need.
Love and light for your journey. ~ JoAnn
Welcome Tine. I am so glad you found your way here. There are a bunch of us who are in the same place you are, wondering the same thing. We will try to figure it out together. We’re here for you.
Hugs,
DaisyHi Tine,
thank you for reaching out. I reached out over three years ago and that has made the difference between going nuts and staying sane. I hope you will find what you need to make your way safely.
light for your journey
Diane.Hi Tine, I am so glad you came here to share. My H is supposedly “sober” too and I am in the marriage but I know what you mean about the relationship. I am so sorry for your grief.
I am looking forward to the experience and support that the members here can offer. I truly appreciate the “welcome” – it was much needed today.
Let me add my Welcome as well, Tine. It’s been a rather busy week in the ‘Hood, sadly lots of new Sisters have found themselves needing refuge here. We’ve also had a rather nasty Troll attack of our sister site (Married To A Sex Addict) but it was easily repelled by our brave warrior Sisters who handily dispatched the Troll Jeff, a MFPOS cheating bastard sex ‘therapist’ (he fucked his wife’s sister). Little Jeffy of the Sister Wives had the unmitigated gall to call US names (‘SOS Mafia’) and in general disparage our dear JoAnn and ALL she’s done for us here in the ‘Hood. I tell you this so you know that we are serious about protecting our own and doing whatever we can to assist our fellow Sisters. YOU are one of us now, Tine. What can we do to help?
Tine,
Welcome to SOS. I am sorry for what you are going through but I am glad you are reaching out for support. First and foremost, you have to take care of you. We are here to help and support you.Welcome Tine,
The question of the relationship lasting is tough. Some of these sisters have been with a husband in recovery quite a while, others left quickly. My SJ and I were separated 16 months ago. The sisters have kept me sane through the long “watch his actions when there’s nobody to police them” period. He blames me, now, that our familiy is broken, which just tells me I was right to stay here with my children when he moved for the job.
There’s never a guarantee. Trust is so hard afterwards. I hope being here helps you weigh your choices and make the best choice for yourself.
Hugs,
LynnThere is so much here on this site – I have spent a lot of time reading!
I hope it’s alright to add a little more information here – I really am a woman 🙂
I have been married 20 years. SA – porn & cyber affairs. Cyber affairs were for over 4 years – 3 different women – he never met with any of them in RL and I am positive not based on just what he said but the evidence that I collected. I suspected the porn (previous use – 9 years ago but not to the level that he was using), but never the affairs. During this time period, he was unemployed for over 3 years and I had a job from hell. Total emotional abuse at the job for me.
I thought a lot of the behaviors that I was seeing and emotions from him were a result of depression from losing his job and not being able to find another one.
He began therapy immediately after DD. She is an addiction counselor. She doesn’t specialize in sex addiction. He shares from each of his sessions. She really has done some great work with him. She has challenged him on a number of his behaviors and attitudes and I have seen/experienced sustainable differences. I am well aware that he still has a ton of work to do.
I also began seeing a therapist immediately. She specialized in treating for women’s issues particularly domestic violence. She was very helpful and I don’t know how I would have made it without her during the first couple of months. I had to switch therapists due to scheduling. She selected one and I am happy seeing her. It has only been about 2 months. I also share my sessions with him.
We started marriage counseling in late spring. I just couldn’t and wouldn’t until I was ready. We probably have only had about 7 sessions.
After a couple of sessions with his indiv. therapist, she recommended that he join a 12 step program – which he did. He attends regularly.
He had me put a monitoring program on his computer and cell phone which only I have access too. I will be quick to point out that it is not on every device in our home and he is very techie and could find an easy workaround if he wanted to.
We have 2 sons that are 16 & 19. He disclosed to them about his addiction.
I read in someone’s post about a plan b – I have had one since I found out. If I need or want to , I can leave in minutes and set into place a new future that does not include him.
It is really hard for me to share- and I can’t express how truly appreciative I am.
Welcome tine, sorry for your pain. I am also still with my husband and can honestly say that I don’t know where it is going. I believe he is sober but I just don’t know if I like him anymore. It’s been 8 months since dday and I feel somewhat better thanks to the sisters but the whole thing is depressing and exhausting. My best to you, keep reading and sharing.
Easy to say I know – if you can do it worry about where you are rather than where you are going – it helps to feel your feet beneath you and the relationship will declare its direction over time – for some here – a long time…..
Welcome Tine to SOS. I’m sorry to hear about your situation and I hope you find caring support here. We know how awful this all feels and feel at a loss on what to do. I hope you will post when you feel like it.
Love, Nap
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