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Monique, I can understand not wanting to believe it’s all true. It’s almost too awful to bear and puts you and your kids in a horrible position. No one wants to believe this crap is true. That’s why evidence can be so important- not just to prove to others but to prove to ourselves. I know even with good hard evidence, there were moments when I just felt like none of this could be real. I would make myself remember what I saw, what I knew to be true and could not be my imagining. Second guessing yourself is totally normal.
Teri is right. It is all so surreal that sometimes we have to hang onto the evidence to remind ourselves what they actually did. They are SO good at putting a spin on reality that even the very strong have to work hard not to be sucked into their insanity.
I recorded phone calls with my husband during the worst months right after discovery. They are horrible and cold and I’m glad I have them. They are a reminder of what he put me through before he decided to get help and stick with therapy. I also took copious notes, and wrote in a journal. When I need a reality check, I have all I need.
Time has a way of the blurring the edges of bad memories and experiences BUT when something is a real dangerous to you, you CANNOT afford to drop your guard. I will NEVER forget how my H treated me…….though it is beginning to seem like it happened a long time ago. I keep some papers with details and dates and events and I carry them with me. I don’t look at them but I don’t get rid of them either…….I think that says it all really.
I have a detailed log file with all the hooker calls – times, dates, name of hooker(s) and where he was when he called them. Also documentation of the entire sorry bimbo temp story and his disease clinic visit, and copies of text messages he sent me about her and when I confronted him about the whores. I gave it to the PI, who told me he never had a client give him that much information. Didn’t help much in the long run. I don’t look at it anymore because it’s too tiring and just fuels despair. I never told him I put together that log…he also has no idea I called one of the numbers and talked to a Russian sounding woman who was probably the whore.
Go with your gut. If you feel there’s more to the story well, there’s probably a reason for that. If you were on the outside looking in to your situation with the evidence that you have, what would your advice be to someone else?
I think the fact that Dan said no to a polygraph IS A HUGE CLUE………
ANY refusal by our husbands to do anything that puts our minds at ease regarding sex addiction, if they are being transparent like they claim to be, is cause for major concern.
any refusals=uh oh, he’s hiding something
Yep, I think you are right Kim. I have always had some suspicions but no hard evidence. Unfortunatley, I was far too trusting for far too long and much of the “evidence” is long gone and he has gone underground. I once found a LONG very black hair in his clothes. It was not my hair and he is bald. It was way too black and thick to be one of my girls hairs. But, I told myself I was overreacting and letting my imagination get the best of me. I always thought he loved me WAYYYYYY too much to actually physically touch another woman. As chumplady would say “what a chump”. 🙂
You’re not a chump…….you’re a woman who tried to see the good in her husband and in her marriage. Not one of us faults you there,
Now, take off those rose colored glasses.
Get to work and find out why he was fired.
I’ll call you soon.
Long black hair? Reminds me of a job I worked on. I was trying to decide if the client was gay or straight. I had to deliver some stuff to his house including some bedlinen (he wasn’t there). I found a long, long black hair on his bedcover. Question answered. Consider your long black hair evidence too Monique.
The old long hair…..men are really not that bright. They roll around on some sheets with a dark long haired girl…throw them in the wash and then think they have covered their tracks?. Of course they forget, the long black hair in the shower and on the white tile floor and possibly all around the house. But the maid doesn’t LOL ….she knows if there was hair on the white tile the day before and also that sheets put on fresh today do not require stripping the next morning…particularly if the madame is travelling….and blonde?? LOL My husband was an idiot. I hate my husband. 🙂
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