Professional fees for 2 days of mediation…

NAP, I think you must have misheard. I think he said he’d throw you in front of a train. 🙁 But if he did get hit by a train, there would be nothing but celebrating here at SOS.

Tina, it is absolutely about winning. But not just that, we have to lose, too. My accountant and attorney tried to structure it so we all did better bc of the tax write-offs (so Uncle Sam would pay a big chunk) and he turned that down. Because I would be better off that way.

What works best with dr e, and it’s what my attorney basically did, was know exactly what you want and then don’t budge. He knew exactly what a judge would likely give and about how much higher we could aim. He did start out with what we really needed, just to give him the chance to do the right thing, but when he saw their response, we got real and didn’t budge much other than to move it around because we could see the hot button things for him (like spousal support).

But with dr e, if you show you are willing to negotiate, he will nickel and dime you and try to wear you down. If you stand your ground, he will throw big hissy fits and threaten to go nuclear which he sometimes actually does and sometimes he backs down and accepts it. We are trying to get the property agreement written up and signed before something pisses him off and he threatens to go nuclear again.

Tina, that was dr e, too. Although my attorney says he could have been worse. I think what kept him from going too crazy was my evidence. I could be wrong. He harassed me quite a bit the first year and a half of the divorce. It’s been more quiet since last spring (when he started seeing his new skank coincidentally).

Shoot, Kimberley. Our mediator alone is $1800 PER PERSON ($3600 total). But he’s supposed to be one of the best around. We had one that was too green the first time around and it set us up for disaster. He told dr e one thing and me another, didn’t listen to Bat’s therapist, didn’t listen to me, felt sorry for dr e (“he looks like he feels bad about what he did to his family”). So I am happy to pay for our latest mediator. He was MUCH more professional. He only came in our room a couple of times for a few minutes. I think he spent a lot more time with the other party, from what I hear.

Also, Tina, I don’t know how it works in every state, but from what I understand, ideally you want 2 valuations- you want yours and they will want theirs. Costs for all professionals for us came out of community property and were split 50/50. We put in our temporary orders that I could have access to his paycheck for paying my attorney and other professionals.